Dating Thread 238 - Sex, Beer and Sausage Rolls (for the lucky ones!)

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

Hi All welcome to a shiny new thread as we proceed into 2023 with support for those riding the rollercoasters of the world of dating.

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Thanks for male input on shaving @NoDatingForOldMen

I would really be horrified by a bloke who was bald down there due to hair removal. Not for me. At all.

Hmmmm it would appear it is subjective to blokes.

If I thought my neatly trimmed bush was anything other than delightful to a new iron then I'd go to the pain, awkwardness and expense of having it whipped off. But really I'd prefer to be with an iron who liked and preferred the au naturelle albeit neatly trimmed. And was grateful for his access to such treasures.
Really can't be faffed with the administrative overhead of pubic hair removal and also was a bit weirded out by the look on me too!

You believe him??? Seriously? So there are 2 Australians with the exact same characteristics in the same village? Same birthday too apparently… Beepbeep…honestly.
You can forgive the lie and move on with him but at least he needs to admit he lied.
@Dailywarning was also suspicious as he was on the phone shielding a lot ( he was texting you obviously)

@Mila14 where did I say I believe him??
Honestly I've had enough. Typical Mumsnet, I'm really done with this site. I'm leaving the thread because it's not supportive and my MH is suffering.

She didn’t say she believed him @Mila14 , why can’t you leave it alone?

Good spot @Stepcount let's support our thread friends by sleuthing it out.

@beepbeepme what were Bike's textual comms that night or what did he say he was doing?

Do you have plans to see him again and is he bending over backwards to demonstrate this is a comedy (not!) of errors? Or has he flounced off in a 'methinks he doth protest too much' manner?

If I was accused of cheating by an iron I was into and I wasn't then I'd be beyond horrified and would hand my phone over immediately to say 'Look! Nothing! I have not dated anyone else!'

I don’t blame you @beepbeepme, I hope you have support in real life 💐

Yes totally subjective, personally I like the neatly trimmed look, but that’s just me,
if a partner asked me then I would express my preference, but I wouldn’t expect anyone to change just for me.

beepbeepme

im sorry your MH is suffering
and having it dissected on social media is deeply painful and maybe humiliating

can I say that even if the worse comes to the worst you will be OK
You will learn from this
you will sparkle again
I know right now it feels like total and utter shit x

I’m sorry Beepbeep…you said you were not believing anyone… that meant you didn’t believe @Dailywarning . I apologise. Please don’t leave on my account. The thread is very helpful. We were all in love with your story and your daily posting. It’s normal we feel he fooled us all too. Please accept my apologies. You will have support whatever you decide

I second @Mila14 and @Thisisworsethananticpated we are here for you and share your upset @beepbeepme

I was inspired by your romance with MrBike to keep swiping and not bin off OLD as thought I want what she's found.

I'm now going to log potential red flags here in case I'm not heeding them.

MrMaker - nice and tactile (or is handsy a red flag?), very responsive in the textuals and could take up a lot of time so I don't always respond immediately as have a life, urged us to make arrangements for Date 2 asap like the next day. Even seeing him tonight after 1st Date on Fri seems unusually soon.
Told me I was beautiful. Hmmm am I? I don't think so. I used to be. I haven't said anything to this.

Keep cards close to chest and keep observing is all I can think to do.

You can't fake having stuff in common or making each other laugh though that's got to be real.

Here… the only thing you can think of is she’s been stalking you in Facebook . Your words
I think @Dailywarning deserves an apology

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss Mr Maker sounds interesting - I agree on observing and seeing how it goes.

I always struggle with the texting/messaging thing. I don't believe "playing the game" and waiting 24 hours to respond or only sending one message and waiting for a reply before sending another. I have always gone with the - do what's natural thought. Sometimes I am massively busy and only check messages once a day, sometimes I will have more time and will send a second message in day if I have something of interest to say - i.e. not just a "hi" or something inane.
I hate it as a means of communication - I think it is highly ineffective and easy to manipulate via text - there is no tone of voice or body language and it all feels like on giant gameplay to me. Maybe this is why I am so useless at OLD?

Ah im the total opposte to you @Garysmum I'm a big time texter and love to have a pen friend in an iron over text sending intel and interesting things as well as making me laugh.

It's meaningless though. Frivolous fun at best. It's the thing that I miss the most when things end a once busy phone being suddenly silent is incredibly pants.

I’m like Oncey when I’m very into someone…long term is not sustainable but when I started with MrEx…it was non stop texting. Just mental. I think naturally, of the other person is into texting non stop, you do text.
Now we text very little but make sure we are in contact everyday. We do video call when I’m on my kid’s custody time or away with work.
I think it’s what feels natural with whomever

@NoDatingForOldMen I’d be a bit weirded out if a guy was fully shaved/waxed, wouldn’t expect it at all. Naked Attraction as a show attracts certain personality types I think, and can’t be taken as a reflection of the average look?

But also if I liked them I’d accept it. Not into demanding my partners change their appearance, I’d just leave if I was really unhappy or bothered by something.

I like texting, Mr Cherry has never been big in texting which could be why I feel I don’t know him that well. General chit chat back and forth is a good way to get to know someone.

Not keen on fully shaved look either 😬, I like my men hairy but have come across several men that do shave, each to their own I guess same for women (I can’t be doing with being totally shaven down there and I don’t care if guys like it or not).

Love that @Lovemusic33 "Can't be doing with being shaved down there."

That completely sums it up for me. But honestly if I was in a long term thing with someone who really couldn't be with pubic hair I'd be ok with getting waxed (if they paid!).

MrEx doesn’t do anything (typical bloke) but he LOVES me smooth. I like it too. I’m quite visual 😂😂. I’m used to it really. No fuss

Im a convert to 100% shaved now for both

Logging back in after a hiatus (and pre that I mostly lurked). Using this thread to take my mind of the apps while I have a break.

Had anyone else forgotten how to vanilla date after being more sex focused?

Ex poster, long time lurker. It happens, feels too big a coincidence to be true but similar happened to me on the thread. An old iron who I’d been on a date with but didn’t fancy popped up months later as they do and we started messaging and he was very suggestive/sleazy and saying we should go on a date. I followed him on Insta and he’d just been on holiday with someone. A poster on the thread was posting about how she’d met some great guy and they’d been away to the exact same place. There were a load of other details which suddenly rang lots of bells and it was the same guy. I private messaged her to tell her he was messaging me with a view to meeting up but didn’t get thanked for it just got a couple of nasty messages with the implication I was somehow jealous. I really wasn’t. She said she would carry on seeing him rather than believe a random off the internet (even though he was also actually a random off the internet!) About 3 months later saw him on a dating app again unsurprisingly. This thread is read by god knows how many people. It’s not a private WhatsApp group it’s a public thread on a hugely popular forum and it’s easy to forget that. And it really is a small world.

Also I have to say please all reread the thread rules, no one seems to any
more. There’s a lot of nonsensical talk about immediately falling in love on here these days and lots of love bombing and jumping in straightaway from both sides as far as I can see.

Hope both posters concerned are ok, it’s easily done having your head and heart turned by some shitty male. And most of them are shitty sadly.

Hi @unambiguousbeard 👋

That's a good post. You are right it is not a private WhatsApp group.

Also 'and most of them are shitty' is a very good mantra. I re-read the rules frequently

This thread is such a good community - in my case an absolute life saver and am so grateful for the generosity of strangers who give so much headspace and support. I had a real shock today from a stunt pulled by exh which I will post about another time but knowing this group is here is very comforting.

Man there is a lot of drama on this thread! I’m sorry for all concerned. Online dating is hard enough without anxiety from people you don’t know. I genuinely hope you both get clarity/closure from whatever the hell
is going on

i have an iron I’m not sure on. Been on a works do tonight and had a few wines. I got a bit ballsy and text him to say he needs to ask me out if we are going to move it forward. I know I could ask him but I want to know if he is into me?? I appreciate i have essentially backed him into a corner but sod it. Will see how he responds in the morning. I’ve gleaned as much as I can from texting for a week and need a face to face to see if there is any spark. He will probably run a mile!

Good for you! Like the idea to tell him he needs to ask you out instead of just asking him out - clever!