Dating Thread 238 - Sex, Beer and Sausage Rolls (for the lucky ones!)

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

Hi All welcome to a shiny new thread as we proceed into 2023 with support for those riding the rollercoasters of the world of dating.

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

So

1. she got the village right
2. she got the name right
3. she got the Australian right and the biking fan bit
4. she got the son right too!!! You only said here he had adult kids and neither of you had kids home. I assumed you were both empty nesters

She had info about him NONE OF US in this thread ever had because you never said it

I think we owe a massive apology @Dailywarning for being sincere and helping out

You don’t need any more clarification from @Dailywarning . You have ALL the info you need. I’m really sorry but if a guy you are totally invested on pulses this trick 3 weeks after meeting you when you should be enthralled by one another…he’s looking for something and he might not stop doing this
If you are happy with this, then everything is fine and you are entitled to have the relationship you want on your terms and his terms.

@beepbeepme if Bike has a 10 yr old son, is Aussie, works 'in meat', has an April birthday and you and @Dailywarning have exchanged anything further not previously shared on here - a photo or phone number or ANYTHING then you are deluding yourself if you believe Bike in saying someone is put to get him.

He matched with, met up with, wood shagged another woman while you were away.

Unless. And this would be an even more weird plot twist unless @Dailywarning is MrBike and knew you posted on a dating thread on MN (I never ever breathe a word of this to my irons) and is deliberately messing with your brain himself on here.

That's my latest theory or possibility.

If nothing else once you have recovered from heartbreak and confusion you can use this for your first blockbuster movie script.
Can I have Anne Hathaway play me please?

(Sorry)

@beepbeepme I think it’s been established that you are talking about the same man as @Dailywarning. Everything she shared and what she told you is what you always knew, children, hobbies, occupation (ish), Australian- but none of which apart from bikes had you mentioned. So HOW can she possibly be someone from Facebook who knows him ? - how can it be explained that she managed to find you on here amongst all the other dating posts/users/comments? Apart from denying this, what else has Mr Bike said ?

I don't really think anyone needs to start attacking me now either 😔 I've deliberately kept it fairly vague on here, didn't want to be identified either, like all of us I guess.
I'll distance myself from the whole thing now too. It's taken too much of my energy and I've not been eating or sleeping. I've done nothing wrong, other than to try and work what is going on.

Lovemusic please get a good vitamin supplement, try to exercise a bit every day if possible…even if it’s just walking or jumping off bus one stop earlier or going upstairs downstairs a few times a day…anything you can fit in. I am going to be controversial but I’m on HRT even before I started peri meno. I get year,y controls bloods and Gyno etc. I’m not saying it’s for every but if you keep your weight and you are overall in good nick and your Gyno agrees you can start a bit earlier. I’ve seen first hand the effects of peri /meno in some of my dear girl friends. Just awful stuff. It’s also an indicator for many divorces…
I think you can assess first yourself and then keep talking with him about the issues you have. You both need to talk

I'm going to remove my posts and put this all behind me and move on. Sorry for derailing the thread. There'll be no film 😂

I’m definitely not attacking anyone. I was hoping it was a straightforward putting 2+2 together and getting it wrong. I imagine you are both (BBM/DW) feeling pretty raw about it all. Take some time to process things. X

@beepbeepme What has Mr Bike said apart from denying it? How did he react generally when asked? Body language etc Liars usually have a tell when confronted. If it is the same man, and there seem to be rather a lot of coincidences, then I'm truly sorry. A warning to all of us.

This shit is why I'm so reticent to even swipe right.... but then what's the alternative.... spending your weekend being so disheartened with the lack of men that grab your interest on dating websites that you make a Pinterest board of Brett Anderson pictures?! (Definitely NOT how I spent my Sunday evening !!)

Thanks

His body language was normal, he didn't seem like someone who was lying. But what do I know?!

And yes, it's put me off OLD forever!

No one is attacking you at all but @Dailywarning doesn’t need to give any more info. She got everything right. She does not need to exchange anything else about a liar. I will say he’s a liar because @Dailywarning was worried about the guy talking platitudes about the future etc., he was doing this while he was on another page with you, I think she’s doing the right tho erasing him from his mind and moving on and deleting the whole fiasco
You need 0 clarification from her. Even to the point of 10 year old dropping …
We are here for you as usual and if you are happy to continue with MrBike we respect you but we now know he is also MrOz
Many people have non exclusive relationships and it works for them when they are AGREED by both parties. You were totally exclusive to him. He wasn’t to you and he lied. It’s a fact

"His body language was normal, he didn't seem like someone who was lying. But what do I know?!"

Without anymore information from @Dailywarning it's hard to be sure but I guess there are already a lot of specifics that don't look good. How have you left it with Mr Bike?

I still think MrBike is DW poster

@beepbeepme please don't remove your posts. This is such a useful learning point for anyone dipping their toe into OLD your horrible situation can help others not get into something similar.

Including myself. Off on Date 2 tonight and already found my internal voice saying 'I've found my person'
ERRRRR NOPE. I have met once a bloke who may or may not be a dodgy geezer. The terrible thing about dodgy geezers is they present as the opposite of dodgy geezers.

You spent so much time together. Long walks, meals, overnighters. How could he be anything other than a truly awesome find.

Are you retrospectively seeing red fags you chose to not heed with all of this going on?

Mila14 thank you. I am a big exerciser, I walk every day (almost) mainly to suppress my hyperactivity as I have ADHD. Today I don’t feel like doing much which is unlike me, I have iron tablets here so hopefully they will help and I have contacted my gp for a call back. I took a menopause test a few weeks ago but was negative, I was kind of hoping it would be positive so at least then I could get something to help. It’s been a ongoing issue for years and I have kind of reached the end of the road where hysterectomy is the only option but as I have a disabled dd and no support it’s not really an option. Anyway, feeling awful and aneimic is kind of taking my mind off Mr Cherry. I shall try and get some fresh air before taking my car to the garage later.

@Dailywarning …please don’t feel offended and you are most welcomed here like everyone else. We can all have a spat and a misunderstanding and you have been a brilliant help to many of us here. We will abstain from dating Aussies bike riders with one 10 year old kid etc who talks about the future in our second date and is iffy about hi meat job. These things happen. Lots of women here reading about our irons and I am always grateful for some details about them. Dating is a minefield. Nothing is easy but I think there’s no harm done if something goes wrong and you’ve only been together a few weeks. It hurts but it’s not a significant part of your life.

@Eeksteek
@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss
it’s not real much, but I will drop her a line, would be pissed if was some of my bike gear…, she left some shampoo at mine - will it really make my hair glow?

as for shaving 🪒, personally I don’t actually like partners full shaved, by that’s just me, it’s looks bit “bald” - can I say that?

someone up thread mentioned Naked Attraction, there seems to be a trend on there for guys to be full shaved now, any thoughts on that?

is this a thing now, should I be a bald eagle? ( not that anyone is going to see it),

I do use my beard trimmer “upstairs & downstairs” to keep everything tidy 🤷🏼

@beepbeepme

you were happy to say come to the conclusion that she was facebook stalking 'us'. I don't blame her not wanting to share any more info, why should she convince you? she wants none of the drama and is probably reeling from the discovery after dtd! and the conspiracy theories on here.

I do feel for you too, but it sounds like you'd rather believe the chap. good luck.

Totally this. These are strangers we are meeting, they are putting in a show, trying to sell themselves, of course they are going to be charming and lovely, it takes month or even longer before the mask slips and you start seeing the real them. We must treat carefully and not fall for someone on a first/second/third date.

@Lovemusic33 …I think it takes at least a year to get someone properly. I think it takes more than that to agree future plans. Honestly.
Oncey…we want info on Mr? What did you call him? Kids? Please enjoy yourself and don’t worry about “the one”. Mothership awaits all gossip

@Myfabby I don't think I said I'd come to the conclusion she was Facebook stalking, but I haven't checked. I think I said, or at least meant, the only other thing I can think is that someone is Facebook stalking me or us. I wasn't directly attacking anyone or didn't intend to anyway.

I'm not believing anyone, certainly not trusting him! I've left it that I need time to myself to think at the moment, with possibility of meeting up tomorrow to talk it through again.

No I'm not seeing any red flags. I'm just mulling it all over at the moment.

@Myfabby , I think Beepbeep knows it’s the same guy. The question is whether she wants to go on with him or not. But Australian, fan of bikes living in the same village, with the same name, with adult kid but a 10 year old he doesn’t live with, and in the meat type of job… unless there are 2 of those in the same village…she knows

@beepbeepme , on the afternoon of 1st February dailywarning said they’d had a date and I think that she’d stayed at his. I assume that it was the day before /stayed over night of 31st. This is something you could cross reference with how much you messaged or spoke that day/evening? This is the sort of thing I would definitely be trying to figure out.