Dating Thread 238 - Sex, Beer and Sausage Rolls (for the lucky ones!)

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

Hi All welcome to a shiny new thread as we proceed into 2023 with support for those riding the rollercoasters of the world of dating.

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Excellent Slothy… onwards and upwards

I finally managed to get some replies to my messages. But I don't know why I bother.
Man 1 (57). After 3 messages he asks how hard is it to find "lively stocking clad gorgeous friendly woman" 🙄

Man 2 (55). Nice chat about music and he suddenly pivots to asking if I wear stockings and heels

Man 3 (63). Spent an hour exchanging messages in which he told me all about his life, his holidays, his plans for the year. And asked nothing about me. Not a single question.

And these men wonder why they are single!

interesting both of them with about the stockings and 👠 😁

JangolinaPitt
I know! Bit weird. Especially as my only full length photo shows me in lycra

I will keep holding out hope for a decent one.

@Lovemusic33 there are many red flags here, as I'm sure you already realise. Jealousy, control, stonewalling.

It hurts now but try and see this objectively. You never get the closure you need with controlling or abusive people like this. Close the door on this one, I imagine it would only get worse. Enjoy your day with your friends and celebrate and be grateful for your healthy boundaries.

Molly and Fifthie…good to take a break and come back fresh and renewed to apps. No hurry
Oncey…Mr Ex is really trying which I applaud. He will go back to therapy and is being very straightforward about exercising more and going without alcohol. The problem is that when there’s a do because someone at his job retires or whatever he gets pissed badly. It’s the getting pissed he can no longer do. There’s this black cloud over his head for week when he binges. Also XW always dump DC when there’s holidays on him. So we will be soon together me without DC and him with DC and navigating around that. We will take time together with no DC around in March. Life is about compromises. He’s an extraordinary dad there’s Uni next year so XW will lose her weapon to control his time. I’m very cool about everything. I now hold the upper hand in my relationship. It’s the first time in 7 years I feel I hold all the cards. It feels good.
Beepbeep I still don’t know what happened and I am out of the loop…come and tell us when you know ?? 😳
How are you Worsy? I know you are taking your time but I have the feeling Balkan will come back knocking. Don’t take my comment as a bad thing please 🙏…you know I root for you all the way and try to support and understand. I just don’t think there’s closure for him either
Howlongy, are you thinking of going back to dating ? Mrs No Show was happy with you while it lasted. Hopefully she will contact back again I also feel you haven’t had closure

Complete time wasters… don’t worry, there must be more normal ones out there. I think we have more chances with guys who have been in a relationship long time and preferably married with kids. They understand compromise better and waking up in the middle of the night when a kid is sick but mostly they know you don’t date your porn hub fave or a sexy minx 24/7. They are normally house trained too.
I think it’s important to weed out from the start. Guys who never had significant relationship and are on their 50s are hard work. If you have kids and constraints, guys with no kids are hassle. If you have stressful demanding job, a guy who is semi retired is not going to get your vibe…if you train and are into fitness and health, a guy with a beer belly and manboobs is probably not your thing…
I know we need to compromise but choose where and how you want to compromise and if it really works for your life and future in case you are looking for a partner

If you want 0 compromise and are not looking for a future partner, it is healthy to have FWB and enjoy life without constraints

Lovemusic…I agree with Fifthie… If you are going to stay with Mr Cherry you need an all out conversation. About personal friends and individual life and respect for one another etc. Hopefully there is conversation soon

@Mila14
They are normally house trained too
These are all men who are divorced with kids.
They become single and suddenly think they're irresistable to women. Or they are so boring because they don't do anything with their life.

if you train and are into fitness and health, a guy with a beer belly and manboobs is probably not your thing…

This is me but only manboob man seems interested in me. No idea why 😂

Oh, NellyTheCake, I feel your pain! Late 50s woman here and dates are few and far between. I’ve had so many conversations online with matches (Hinge and Bumble when they do happen!) where the man doesn’t ask any questions or show any interest and you’re doing all the work. I end up just being ruthless and unmatching. Been on this treadmill for almost 5 years…

Just trying to make sense of things at the moment, sorry.

Beepbeep…we send you hugs and best wishes and are here whatever happens 🥰🥰🥰. This thread has helped me massively since I found it and in a way I feel we are all in journey somehow. We fall and we rise. We are here to support each other

5thWisdom

im actually ok , im having therapy - my friend also used her and we love her but she’s a total cock blocker
need to crack my substance use a bit and that’s the February target

hence I’m with her 💯 single

my friend stopped using her and is in a complicated situationship with man who struggles with monogamy 😂😂

Mila14

im very pleased to hear Mr Ex is trying and WILL have therapy
good man

you know I like a 🍷 too and me February goal is to track
its a depressive he knows that and I know that

Re My ex - that’s what ducking angers me , we aren't complete and it’s a 50% chance he’ll make contact
and 50% he won’t
enrages me
I’m in the angry phase of the breakup 😂

NellyTheCake

sorry your stocking men made me giggle 🤭

stocking and suspenders is so top shelf porn mag from the corner shop when I was a teen

Jesus 😂

@NoDatingForOldMen All sounds very interesting. I have met a few men with military backgrounds or families. Some are very family focused. A couple found the tours killed their relationships.

@mydogissexierthanme77
my old man did 40 years, my sister was in, my BIL was in, quite a few people I know were in, lots of military marriages end due to the tour’s & postings
i never really saw my Dad much for my 1st 10 years or so due to postings and deployments, i spent lots of time on camp as a kid, it’s no fun

Lol, Razzle, 😂😂

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss yes still trundling along the A14 so much that I’ve knackered the brakes on my car ( fuck it )
will she move? No, too stubborn, I might endup moving closer, my sister is closer, but she won’t drive so I end up doing it .., I have to call he today.

@Mila14
no. Current plans, had a few drinks with some mates last night, we were all bemoaning our love lives and moaning about women ( sorry),
i have realised that I’ve left some of my DIY stuff at NoShows , so I might be power tool shopping soon ( shiny new toy time ),
today was hobby day, lots of people to catch up with

NoDatingForOldMen

no you need those power tools back
that’s mean

she should leave them in a safe waterproof place , nicely dusted

I want you to get your tools back ! 😂😡

@Mila14 thanks.

So I had two very successful dates yesterday and today.

Yesterday was with Mr Silverfox (as named by my son) I can’t remember what I called him earlier 🤦🏼‍♀️ he was lovely- had a few hours together, had a walk and coffee, seeing again for drinks on Wednesday.

Today was Mr WallSex (also renamed, not by my son but my friends as he’d definitely be a contender due to build/muscles 😂😂) another walk and a drink, totally hilarious but I think may have ADHD and also young kids which may be a problem further on down the line.

So a good weekend all in all!

I think the moral of the story for me is don't trust anyone on OLD!!

You clearly don't need to divulge details but I hope you're ok.

I got quite excited over a hot bloke last year who I didn't even actually get to meet, strung me along and who went on to unceremoniously ghost me. It's brutal. Which is why I need to ensure I'm mentally in the right place before dipping toes back in.

If there's anything we can do to support, believe us when we say, we've been there.

Lean on this group.