Dating Thread 238 - Sex, Beer and Sausage Rolls (for the lucky ones!)

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

Hi All welcome to a shiny new thread as we proceed into 2023 with support for those riding the rollercoasters of the world of dating.

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Definitelycross
no worries, there have been plenty of

Aaaarrrrggghhh Bloody women ! ,

coming from my direction.

Super Deffy…pick the right guy for you. Those who want a RELATIONSHIP. I’m totally in your camp. Date a lot because this is interviewing time guys so you can pick who works for you

Another lovely date, we met at the beach again 😊 and went for a drink, then back to his. Trying to fit in as much as we can this week as looks like next week he'll be busy. Definitely agree you need to weed out the time wasters and there's a chance you'll find a good un! I very nearly gave up 😣
I'm not sure what to call him for this thread, he's an Aussie so Mr Oz? 😆 I'm not very imaginative unfortunately!

How lovely!!! Do you and Mr Aussie have kids? Many of us here juggle kids with dating and it’s no easy feat so it’s good to know how other people make it work. The main thing is that there is chemistry and you are really enjoying your time with him 🥰

@Dailywarning …when you say you went to his…did you DTD???

Ahem eighth time lucky.

He was wonderful. Not married. 6'4" and actually that height. He was a total gentleman and we sat and talked for three hours. Then had a lovely good bye in the car park.

I'm meeting him again on Monday. So happy that I didn't just give up 🥰

Woo hoo…bring on Mr8!!! Is this the one with the lovely grey beard??

Thanks to everyone who kept my head in check and for the link to attachment styles - definitely an eye opener!

MrF is the most communicative man I’ve met, pep talks like that stop me screwing it up 😆

Wow! Good things do come to those who wait!

did the goodbye include a kiss?

Definitelycross

im in awe at your dating dedication !!!
fingers crossed this is a keeper

This drives me INSANE! I know I was ruthless and super strict but the amount of guys who just didn’t reply at all (I always message first. I’m not a traditional woman, and they might as well get used to that from the get-go) and then who couldn’t say ‘how about you?’ when they told me what they were reading was ridiculous.

It can’t be the messaging first. I always did, except for MrPottery and it took forever to get some! I ran out of bloody patience and practically pounced on on him in the end, poor man (I’m still doing it. He still isn’t complaining) The rest of them were all far too reticent despite classy, yet not-at-all-subtle come-ons.

We all seem to be a bit loved up or broken hearted just now, don’t we?! That’s OLD for you. It’s a bloody rollercoaster. The highs are high, and the lows are the pits!

I'm loving hearing the success stories. It gives me a tiny bit of hope.

But right now I'm so frustrated with OLD. I've spent the last couple of evenings sending out well thought out messages to as many men as I can find that fit my criteria. At the last count, it was 30 messages.

I've one reply. And that was...."LOL".

And yet the profiles nearly always say "does no one message on here?"

I'm just an average looking mid 50s woman. I have no idea how to attract attention. I'm not looking for George Clooney (ok, yes I am really, but I'm realistic).

And don't get me started on Tinder! I've had 5 matches recently that messaged me first but then never replied to my response. But haven't unmatched me. Why?

I'm at the stage of giving up with OLD,

I find it hilarious that men would lie about their height, I suppose I'm lucky as in 6ft 1" and wouldn't need to lie about that

I've been moderately successful on Hinge since November last year I've had around 4 dates but recently it feels like a ghost town,

As I mentioned in another thread I thought I was having a crappy time with OLD but many of my male friends from work and the gym really boosted my ego!

Most of them said they where lucky to get 1 like a month and maybe 1 date a year!

As a slightly older guy at 49 I think its a bit of a wasteland unless your a male model or former racing driver!

I tend to be quite good at flirting in real life and I'm fortunate enough in my role with my NHS trust, that I encounter many thousands of colleagues each year and have been on the odd date with some ladies from my NHS Trust, face to face rejection oddly enough is never that bad, most women are quite kind if they blow me off

I don't mind, if anything I tend to kick myself if I didn't ask a nice woman out for a date! Nothing worse than missed opportunities. also its kind of liberating in some ways

The few dates I have been on with Hinge have been odd to say the least

Best of all

One woman (Ms O) turned up with her 3 teenage sons who grilled me then asked if I could give them a lift to ice hockey practice!

Another date (Ms M) lied to me and said she wanted long term, got me drunk, slept with me and then ghosted me! Actually that one kind of hurt a little bit as I really liked her.

Another woman who I dated a few times (Ms A) wanted me to financially rescue her, I actually tried to help her without giving her money. I even got her a job interview at my NHS trust and she rejected the job offer, she was a layabout!

The last woman I saw (Ms D) a few times was very nice, she's an academic but I instantly felt she has issues and was hiding something, but she exuded unhappiness I felt for her, She was asking if I could fix her and began to cry on our second date! She then messaged me later to say she has no romantic feelings toward me

But in all seriousness

As a human being I can only take so much, of being told no, your not good enough, it is starting to damage my self esteem

I must have sent 50 + likes in the last few weeks and haven't gotten a single reply.

You'd think I'd be a catch at my age (49)

I'm genuinely single with no kids, open to women with kids too

Got my own place in the heart of London

6ft 1" tall, blonde with all my own hair

I have a 6 pack

NHS Covid hero

I got a kitten too!

I'm pretty resilient as a former mental health worker for 10 years and can take rejection quite well. But I cant lie its really getting me down.

I think for me this is the number one factor in me considering quitting OLD and maybe dating altogether. I'm just so fed up of basically being told I'm not good enough, "next"

Maybe ill become a eunuch and go an live in the hills with my cat!

Oh just to say I'm pretty new to this OLD thing as I came out of an 18 year relationship last year, after I caught my girlfriend cheating on me with a colleague.

Yes Mr8 is the one with the grey beard.

Yes there was a bit (lot) of kissing goodbye. Makes my tummy go funny now.

But unlike Mr7 there aren't any obvious potential red flags.
But you know how OLD can be 🤷‍♀️

But, I may live to regret this, I like him. A lot.

@Discontinued I'm sorry to hear you've had such a hard time. Some of those dates sounds awful! Especially the first who turned up with her sons!!

It's always interesting to hear a man's point of view. I see the same faces online on the apps all the time. And I assume they must be getting lots of messages. Otherwise why would you be on there all evening?

I would message you but unfortunately I'm not in London and I'm probably too old.
I think that is a major part of my problem. Men seem to prefer women who are younger. The number of men on Match in their 50s who have specified they prefer women 35-48 is unbelievable.
I always wonder if they actually find any women to date who are that much younger?

Please don't think it's you. Or rather if it is you it's me too.

Today was my first date #8 I think I started OLD in September. I went for a fair bit older and everything he said in his profile was accurate. Including his height.

I'm not going to count my chickens though. I may yet encounter a flat full of plastic sheeting and cable ties but I don't think so 🤔😂😂

It's timing and (apologies to the men out there) my area seems to be full of mediocre, at best, men that think they're three inches taller than they are and expect you to message first and be pleased when they ask for sex. These are men in their fifties!!!

I feel your pain and I'm sat beside you as I know how quickly this game can turn. 🤗

@Discontinued I think being in Central London might be a poisoned chalice. There are so many people. Where I live there are far less and it's the same faces on every app. I'm so sorry you've had such bad experiences though. Where are peoples' manners??

@NellyTheCake I switched to Plenty Of Fish on 17th January and I've had much more success on there. Free too. I'm on Match till the end of this month (took a 6 month subscription when I was drunk 🙄). But I won't be renewing it. I hate Bumble too although have recently spoken to someone quite lovely on there. I'm just hoping I won't need Mr9 - well not yet anyway.

@Definitelycross I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you that #8 turns out to be a keeper.

It's timing and (apologies to the men out there) my area seems to be full of mediocre, at best, men that think they're three inches taller than they are and expect you to message first and be pleased when they ask for sex. These are men in their fifties!!

Sounds like we're fishing in the same pond 😂

I'm on Match and POF. Can't get any replies on either of them. And the only ones that message me are usually over 50miles away.

My record is 28 first dates in a year. I think only 3 of those had a second date.
I was trying to be less fussy but it didn't work. That was 4 years ago.

@Mila14 thanks 😄 we definitely have chemistry! Both share similar hobbies etc planning a cycling trip in the summer! And its helped we've had more time this past week, he's been more available for meeting up 😊
We both have kids but grown up and flown the nest which make it easier.
Yes me and mr oz DTD at his 🤗 it was very nice! I'm on cloud 9 at thr moment lol

Tummy going funny is LIGHTNING BOLT stuff… we like this 👍🏻

I’m so jealous of those of you with kids ALREADY GONE!!! Damn! You enjoy MrOz massively. Very happy for you lovely

@Definitelycross I’m glad the grey beards are doing it for you.

@Discontinued ,mate, I feel you pain, I’m also an older man (53) , but I’m rural, so my pool was absolutely tiny, I used to read this thread and see people getting date after date, I think I would be lucky go on half a dozen a year (and apologies to the ladies), the women were so boring, hardly any had anything interesting to say.

@NellyTheCake
My record is 28 first dates in a year. << I seriously doubt I’ve had that many in my entire life, that’s genuinely fucking depressing.

my heart goes out to those sending messages and getting nothing back, it’s truly awful

One woman (Ms O) turned up with her 3 teenage sons who grilled me then asked if I could give them a lift to ice hockey practice!

😂😂😂

I’m so jealous of those of you with kids ALREADY GONE!!!

I don’t feel like that !!

mine are tween teen and this is AWFUL but one (literally one ) plus of my son having SEN is at this stage him Leaving home isn’t happening any time soon

I’ll be a proper empty nester
unless I find my ❤️ Hahahaha