Dating Thread 238 - Sex, Beer and Sausage Rolls (for the lucky ones!)

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

Hi All welcome to a shiny new thread as we proceed into 2023 with support for those riding the rollercoasters of the world of dating.

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Definitelycross

i hear you
the early sex chat 💬 is so off putting
I mean of course I want a bloody shag that’s why I’m OLD !!!

but the reason my ex got me was he was very restrained on the sex chat
and i shagged him second date anyway 🤷‍♀️

I can’t imagine any woman responds to it that favourably

@NoDatingForOldMen thanks for the link but really don’t think it’s a bed of roses for women either. If I filtered the messages I got then only 1% are decent. The rest are from men after a quick shag, men who are clearly looking for someone to cheat with and men who are after someone to satisfy their kinks with. Of course I get the odd decent message but often from a man I’m not physically attracted to and unfortunately there has to be a physical attraction for me no matter how nice the person is. Most men my age looking for younger (and if they’re half decent they can get younger) and any man I’ve messaged hasn’t responded. Not to sound all doom and gloom but wanted to point out that being pro active doesn’t always get you what you want.

Ohmygod

Ohmygod

It happened. I've met someone who I actually really fancy, who made me laugh loads, who could talk about serious things too. And what a kiss.

I feel like I'm 14. Ridiculous.

Definitelycross

ah that’s nice
I’m happy for you
you’ve had a run of not so great dates recently

New low for me... I liked a profile on Hinge thinking they looked nice, my type then I realised after that he was the guy who ghosted me after I slept with him a year ago . He can see that I liked him as well on Hinge.

That's brilliant! This is how I felt when I met MrBike, it's amazing. Sometimes it's worth hanging in there, you never know.

thisisthway

noooooooo 😭

Im still fucking 💔
I really want to get OVER this breakup
ugh
I suppose it’s only a month but still

it was his birthday Friday and didn’t message

I’ve also let the rather disappointed very very young man down (he was a bit upset 🙁)

@Thisisworsethananticpated to quote Charlotte from SITC 'It takes half the time you have known someone to get over them' not sure if that helps or rings true for you.

Break ups are hard and will come in waves. I am sure young guy can wait.

thisisthway
jesus ! Your probably right
I look forward to June
and I might re watch SATC during this fallow period !

This thread really does highlight the highs and lows of OLD rather brilliantly

@Definitelycross excellent news! This is what I’m hoping for…

@thisisthway not so excellent news (I would probably be low key mortified at this 😂)

Thank you all but as I'm coming down to earth I'm questioning everything again.

Any particular reason why? Or just general this is too good to be true anxiety?

@Mapleunicorn a combination of both.

It'll be fine either way. I had a lovely date. A great snog. And that's all positive.

Great news @Definitelycross … don’t question it… enjoy it!!!

Oh dear @thisisthway … definitely something that I would do 🤣

Nope I'm out of First Date #7

Too many potential red flags. My intuition is telling me a lot now the dopamine is gone.

It's made me realise how vulnerable I am when I properly fancy someone. And the chemistry - wow. But no. Something isn't right.

So first date #8 tomorrow.

Being sensible is really hard sometimes 🙄😂

Oh Deffy…amazing…so we want gossip about this guy … is he Mr7 ?

No problem. Onwards and upwards. It just shows you really liked him them and sadly it didn’t work. Please don’t beat yourself about this

Definitelycross

oh what are the red flags
🚩?
your a machine woman !

He said he is separated but I actually don't think he is. I just get that feeling. When I asked him about it he got very defensive by text and told me I was out of order asking and basically goodbye.

He also did something that my STBXH used to do to put me in my box. Massive red flag.

But because I'd felt a really strong physical attraction I went back to him.

But this morning I woke up, the dopamine hit was gone, I could see clearly so I said I wasn't for him.

I'm only going on my intuition tbh. But he let me go really easily when I contacted him. I think sex was the priority and tbh it was for me last night. I hadn't felt that way in a very long time - it was very heady.

But I'm not prepared to be anyone's other woman.

A guy that is fully separated has 0 problems explaining where they are and the process. There are many guys looking for fun who are married but love saying they are separated and still living at home but will move in summer or blah blah. They are married and not separated. Well done Deffy for spotting a rat.

It’s normal. You had feelings for Balkan. Take your time lovely 🥰…things will get better

Sorry to just jump in, I need to catch up with the thread but…..How do people cope with self sabotage and low self esteem in a relationship?

MrF and I have been together about 3.5 months now and things are going very well. We’ve dropped the L word to each other and he honestly makes me feel like I am the most amazing woman he’s met. He’s very clear about how he feels, communicates all of the time. The man is a walking green flag.

However I can’t stop that feeling of wanting to run away, he must be bullshitting me, I can’t be better than his ex’s etc etc and I run the risk of ruining it. I haven’t said any of this to him but I can feel anxiety running through me. We went away for the weekend and had such a lovely time but I struggled to sleep because I just kept thinking about how much it will hurt when it ends

Any advice please?? My ex was very emotionally abusive, everything was my fault and my self confidence was on the floor by the end of our relationship. It’s like I can’t escape him ☹️

Definitelycross

given that you fancied him I’m spectacularly impressed with your boundaries of steel !

and it’s good you fancied someone and had that spark

I think I maybe back on the dating shelf again soon, though I won’t be in a hurry to date again.

Things with Mr Cherry took a turn for the worst yesterday but small red flags had been popping up for a few weeks. At first I just thought they were small quirks but it’s become more obvious that he’s not the person I wanted him to be. He seems to fall out with people easily due to his strong opinions, he doesn’t have many friends, occasionally he mentions that he would like more friends but he also mentions people he fell out with because they said something or did something he doesn’t agree with. I have witnessed him have several meltdowns in the last 2 weeks, he had a few stressful things to deal with (just mundane things) and he didn’t deal with them well at all. Then yesterday he had a meltdown about me talking to friends, he said he didn’t like the sound of my friend and he would prefer it if I didn’t speak the them (he has never met any of my friends). I was taken a back. I drove home raging and then messaged him telling him his behaviour and his paranoia are not acceptable and he had no right to tell me who I can and can’t be friends with. I haven’t really heard from him since 😬. He sounds narcissistic doesn’t he?