Invited to wedding of NC sibling - WWYD?

[Effingfamilies]

Namechanged but here years. This could be outing if future SIL is on here...

Some years ago my DB went NC with me after a series of arguments. It has been about 3 years now which is the same amount of time I am with my partner. DB has refused to talk to me or acknowledge me in any way all that time.

Surprisingly I have been given a wedding invite to his wedding but the invite is only for me and no plus one. It is a small wedding where everyone else will have their significant other with them but mine is not invited as DB and SIL have never met him due to them not speaking to me or seeing me in these years.

Firstly I have social anxiety at the best of times and do not really want to go to the wedding of people who do not speak to me but I have been told by friends and other family that I really should go to this wedding. Thing is I really want my partner there, he is my best friend and my crutch really in life but the numbers are limited and he is not on the invite.

I was thinking that i go to the ceremony but not the dinner rather than not go at all and rather than leaving dp home when I am out at a family celebration he is excluded from and then just go home to him and we could raise a glass to them together. Am i unreasonable to do this? I love this man with all my heart and I feel I am disrespecting him and our relationship by not bringing him but I cannot ask people who do not speak to me to include him as it is their day.

WWYD? Would you do something different or do as I am thinking or just not go at all? I have wanted a reconciliation for years just to add as I hate bad feeling between people.

Enjoy your holiday OP . Your DP sounds great.

Just wanted to update this before we pack up and head off on our holidays. I found out over the weekend that this small intimate wedding is anything but. There are about 80 people going including two of my single cousins who got plus ones written on their invites so yes it was and is an attempt to humiliate me and I am so so glad I did not agree to go now. I am disgusted with my brother and his soon to be wife but so glad I have the most wonderful partner myself who has been a wall of strength. I actually burst into tears when I saw my cousins invite. So hard to take in that people could be so nasty.

Wow.

You have won.

You know EXACTLY what you are dealing with and you will NEVER allow this character the opportunity to manipulate, abuse and humiliate you or your DCs.

Also don’t feel the need to justify your decisions with family and friends - you don’t need their approval for your actions.

Just close down conversations swiftly with a bland statement and change the subject.

Has this changed your perspective on wanting a reconciliation?

So sorry OP, it's hard accepting the truth about people sometimes, stay away from these people and keep your kids away too! Enjoy your weekend away xx

@TintyMinty I never want to see or hear from these people again. They are abusers pure and simple - well he is, she enables it. I actually felt sick thinking about it. I need to get these people out of my mind.

If you're in any way interested in rekindling the relationship then go, on their terms.

If you don't go, because you don't want to, or because your partner isn't invited, you might miss your only chance to heal the wounds.

Life is short, and childhood bonds are precious: I know this from my own family's experience.

Someone has to be the bigger person.

@Headstones250 it has been dealt with but thank you.

Anyway I have now blocked them from anywhere I can find them although they had me blocked too but this way they cant unblock me and message me and I have deleted their numbers so I can never be tempted to message either of them again myself. I am hurt beyond reason now that I know this has been done to humiliate but but it is their final way of trying. I am wiping my hands of them now.

Well you absence will be noted, that will send a clear message to all.

Enjoy your holiday!

Have a brilliant holiday

People like your brother are to only be pitied.

Imagine being so ugly and poisonous that you try to use your own wedding to upset a sibling?

His life must be at its core deeply unhappy for it to be filled with such bile.

You have a lovely partner anď children and are so blessed by these things.

Don't waste the energy of reflecting on it .

Him and his ugly life are just not worth it.

He's a pity, a sorry little man🙄

Put these people out of your mind op and enjoy your holiday! 💐

I'd just rsvp that you and oh would love to attend ....watch him squirm

I would just not go.
perhaps Send a card.

Brilliant take on this.

But know that your quiet, assertive, dignified action has taken the wind out of his sails and likely humiliated, confused and frustrated him.

You won.

Well done.