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Original poster

Would you date a man who ..

166 replies

queeeniescloset · 08/01/2023 23:21

Is on long term sick leave and who probably won't work again by choice.

Does not have a home of his own. Lives with his folks.

Has an ok relationship with his kids .

Has minimal savings but enough to get by, even if he is mostly a decent man?

He is 48.

OP posts:
ASCADHDBAME · 09/01/2023 06:20

GreyCarpet · 08/01/2023 23:29

No.

Handsome and charming do not make a relationship and are the least important aspects of a person.

^

MagentaRocks · 09/01/2023 06:31

No no no no no

Tuilpmouse · 09/01/2023 07:01

queeeniescloset · 08/01/2023 23:26

Stress leave. Unable to cope with workplace stress after a reshuffle.

When you wrote that he probably won't work again I thought he had some debilitating disability or illness... but I don't see how becoming ill with stress due to issues at current workplace translates into 'probably never working again!' especially as he's only 48 and clearly not financially independent as living with his parents!

Tuilpmouse · 09/01/2023 07:05

Integrity is not his strong point

And yet you're still considering this guy?

What's wrong with you?!

TenoringBehind · 09/01/2023 07:15

No

Smartstuffed · 09/01/2023 07:37

queeeniescloset · 08/01/2023 23:56

I kind of have the ick and then I see the practical benefits.
I don't think anything would make him happier than being a house husband actually.

I think maybe you're in a more desperate place - or more overwhelmed - than you realise.

Why not get some professional help in to sort out your home, then a cleaner long term, and then see how you feel about the prospect of him moving in?

I may have missed it but I haven't seen the word 'love' in your posts. Handsome and charming, low on integrity and giving you the 'ick' sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Original poster
queeeniescloset · 09/01/2023 07:42

Thanks.
He doesn't have a very stressful job, he just doesn't seem to be able to handle ANY stress at all. Things need to run smoothly for him at all times.
I've known this guy for years and twice a year or so, he gets ' exhausted' or ' sick' and goes to bed for a couple of weeks. It's like he is overwhelmed or has a cut off point for coping.
That coupled with a reputation for being a lazy git has to make me forget this stupid idea. He has tried to trample on my boundaries before a few times. Il throw this one back .

OP posts:
Original poster
queeeniescloset · 09/01/2023 07:46

I'm going to outsource cleaning, lunches and after school care, fully.
You are right. Outsourcing as much as I can will be cheaper in the long term .
He can be quite determined at times when it comes to trying to overstay his welcome but I have always been firm on that.

OP posts:
Greenfairydust · 09/01/2023 07:50

No.

You would end up having to pay for everything and finance his lifestyle choices.

Stress/mental heath issues can be improved in many cases, especially if you do everything you can to get better.

If the current work environment caused the stress, I don't see why he can't seek a new job and work part-time or from home if needed.

This man is not a great father and seems to expect other people to carry him in life. Nothing attractive about any of that...

determinedtomakethiswork · 09/01/2023 07:51

When he goes to bed for two weeks, why do you class that as him being exhausted and not just him being lazy?

PearlclutchersInc · 09/01/2023 07:56

Doesn't want to work and he's only 48?

What does he do with his time? That would have a bearing on the answer.

Original poster
queeeniescloset · 09/01/2023 07:59

Is it really possible to be THAT lazy? Two week in bed??? I have to believe that he's unwell. Although, putting on a stupid voice and limping around on his robe for jo good reason , has become very unattractive.
Actually yes, I'd kill him after a few weeks. It was a th of gut.
Reading back, it
Looks like I'm in ick mode as it is already. I don't know what I was thinking !

OP posts:
RenovationsUnderway · 09/01/2023 08:05

queeeniescloset · 09/01/2023 07:59

Is it really possible to be THAT lazy? Two week in bed??? I have to believe that he's unwell. Although, putting on a stupid voice and limping around on his robe for jo good reason , has become very unattractive.
Actually yes, I'd kill him after a few weeks. It was a th of gut.
Reading back, it
Looks like I'm in ick mode as it is already. I don't know what I was thinking !

Bless you OP, we've all been there. I was with a very similar man for 4.5 years. Luckily we never cohabited. But oh! the depression I developed.

EmmaEmerald · 09/01/2023 08:51

OP did he live with his parents when he worked?

BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers · 09/01/2023 10:08

Hmm. I had a relationship with someone kind of similar except he had an interesting job, so that's a big difference. Got on really well, loved his parents and I got on really well with them too (he helped look after them/helped with bills, maintenance, cooking etc). Still have a little flame for him but the relationship stagnated after a while and became clear it wasn't going anywhere. Just got boring really. If he didn't have the job I don't know if it would have mattered to me that much at the beginning of the relationship, but I don't like the idea of laziness.

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 09/01/2023 10:12

Living with parents indefinitely at the age of 48… Ick. Absolutely not.

evemillbank · 09/01/2023 10:14

No

Original poster
queeeniescloset · 09/01/2023 10:23

He has lived with them for the past couple of years.

OP posts:
KettrickenSmiled · 09/01/2023 10:29

queeeniescloset · 08/01/2023 23:27

He is handsome and charming.

Oh THAT's ok then.

Obviously the fact that he lives with his parents (sometimes unavoidable, for a short while) but plans to NEVER have the means to live independently again, will never be able to do anything interesting as he has no money, & is likely to look to you to house him when he's fed up with being back with his parents, so you will have a cocklodger who will make you feel "mean" for resenting having to pay for him because "stress" is ALL outweighed because he is handsome & charming.

You don't need anything else from a man.
Definitely sacrifice your life & earnings to him - the world will see you have a handsome man on your arm, so nothing else is important.

pictoosh · 09/01/2023 10:30

He's got no oomph, no motivation. Happy to sponge off others and navel gaze.
I don't much care about money...but I do care about good times, having adventures, being with someone whose enthusiasm matches my own. He sounds like a drip, a lazy, boring, uninspiring DRIP.

KettrickenSmiled · 09/01/2023 10:31

queeeniescloset · 08/01/2023 23:52

The company and support would be a bonus

And what a fabulous example he'll set your kids.

NotAnotherBathBomb · 09/01/2023 10:37

Not if you paid me.

MumE78 · 09/01/2023 10:38

I'm on long term sick suffering with PTSD after an abusive relationship.

Gosh I hope I don't written off so quickly if I meet someone 😞

TeeBee · 09/01/2023 10:39

No

smileyeye · 09/01/2023 10:51

No.