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Original poster

Would you date a man who ..

166 replies

queeeniescloset · 08/01/2023 23:21

Is on long term sick leave and who probably won't work again by choice.

Does not have a home of his own. Lives with his folks.

Has an ok relationship with his kids .

Has minimal savings but enough to get by, even if he is mostly a decent man?

He is 48.

OP posts:
pinneddownbytabbies · 09/01/2023 00:03

There's a big difference between dating someone good-looking, and moving a good-looking selfish workshy layabout into your house.

Far too convenient for him, and gives him no motivation to seek support for his stress, sort himself out, and get another job.

determinedtomakethiswork · 09/01/2023 00:05

pinneddownbytabbies · 09/01/2023 00:03

There's a big difference between dating someone good-looking, and moving a good-looking selfish workshy layabout into your house.

Far too convenient for him, and gives him no motivation to seek support for his stress, sort himself out, and get another job.

I'm going to have to Jim Royale and say stress my arse, I'm afraid.

butterfliedtwo · 09/01/2023 00:12

Not even a little bit.

ThirtyThreeTrees · 09/01/2023 00:13

A man unable to work...perhaps if there was a good reason

A man struggling with stress...unlikely but maybe depending on the details.

A man with a piss poor relationship with his children.....absolutely not.

If you can afford to subsidise him, I'm sure you can afford a cleaner.

Why are you setting the bar so low?

brandonflowersmushtash · 09/01/2023 00:17

Hell no.
It's worrying that you are even contemplating it tbh.

scoobydoo1971 · 09/01/2023 00:17

Do not move into your home, as he will be hell to evict when the honeymoon is over. He will be too 'stressed' to look after the domestic chores, or himself. He will want a surrogate mother, and not a lover. You will end up being cook, cleaner and carer, on top of breadwinner. It will all turn out with resentful, empty pockets and a feeling of being used for money. Disabled people can work, as I do. It may get me stressed but it gives me dignity and financial independence. He does not appear to share my view. I would not expect anyone else to carry me in life. If he allows you to carry him, he is a loser.

Queeniewag · 09/01/2023 00:20

A hard no from me

Nextlevelnonsense · 09/01/2023 00:23

queeeniescloset · 09/01/2023 00:01

I suppose I am just pondering.
He would be the house husband. Basically.
I'd have the support and company.
Probably a stupid idea .

But he would be a shit househusband to someone else's kids.
He would just be hanging around making you resentful, and generating costs.

Dullardmullard · 09/01/2023 00:24

Sarahcoggles · 09/01/2023 00:02

How would he cope with being a house husband if he can't cope with any kind of paid work?

How would he cope if he gets stressed too

yorkshirepudsx · 09/01/2023 00:26

It depends how many carrier bags he keeps in his coat pocket

Icanflyhigh · 09/01/2023 00:29

yorkshirepudsx · 09/01/2023 00:26

It depends how many carrier bags he keeps in his coat pocket

That made me LOL!!!

Erm, a definite no from me, no drive or ambition is a nig turn off, regardless of how good the company is.

MichaelFabricantWig · 09/01/2023 00:30

No

he sounds like a lazy git

yorkshirepudsx · 09/01/2023 00:30

Lol jk, if you look at the aibu threads you'll know lol.

But ultimately I think it's your choice. I had an ex that was on long term sick, I had no kids at the time and he had 1. He lived with his mum. But I must say he was lovely. Brought me dinners to work, had all the time in the world for me and his son. We only split up as he decided to move down south for his son, (his ex was from down south and moved back down there, he followed to be there for the little boy) we ended on good terms and sometimes I bump into him when he's up here. He's now working and doing really well, just needed time I guess. He's just a lovely person

Summerfun54321 · 09/01/2023 00:31

You have kids. Don't ruin their lives because you want a cleaner you can also shag. Find someone with prospects, someone who will be a role model to your kids, someone you are proud to be out with in public.

yorkshirepudsx · 09/01/2023 00:32

(He also never expected much from me financially either to be honest, always offered to pay on dates etc, he really wanted to work 'eventually' but was struggling to manage epilepsy medication and find the right one to allow doctors to let him work, but my god he was just lovely. I need to stop talking about him I miss him hahahah)

moonriverandme · 09/01/2023 00:33

Handsome is as handsome does. Have you slept with him? Was he any good? He's probably OK for a no strings, fun relationship but doesn't sound like life partner material, a bit lazy & entitled. You'll end up with another child to care for when the domestic load gives him stress.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/01/2023 00:33

It's incomprehensible that you're even considering a relationship with this man and bringing him into your children's lives. I think your brain fell out.

AssumingDirectControl · 09/01/2023 00:36

Lol no

WhereYouLeftIt · 09/01/2023 00:42

Ooh, would I like to date a near-50s man who lives with his parents through choice, won't work, pays not much child maintenance ("I think it's very low") for teens that don't seem that keen to be around him? That's a tough one!

Actually, from all you have said of him, I'm struggling with the idea of the word 'decent' being applicable to him. Even with the 'mostly' qualifier.

"I can afford it. I'm run ragged from working full time and with kids at home too. Probably more practical reasons."
There are other ways to get practical help. Ways that don't involve entering into a marriage CONTRACT that would give him the right to half your assets should the ick become overwhelming and you wish to divorce. Cleaners. Nannies. Paying up-front for services rendered, rather than him accumulating entitlement to half of all your worldly goods.

I'm also struggling with your belief that he'd be a house husband. I think he'd find it all just too "stressful", and there you'd be, still run ragged and with another mouth to feed.

No. Just NO. Ponder on something else, this man is no-one's solution, he's just a problem best left to his parents to deal with.

Opentooffers · 09/01/2023 00:55

Yes it's a dumb fantasy, he wouldn't work any harder at being a house husband than he needs to living with his parents. There will be a good reason why his wife and kids don't want to bother with him anymore, don't expose your DC to a man like him.
Your bar is way too low, fantasize about being with a man who is your equal, can pay his way and help you with DC as well - how much better that would be, you could even maybe go part time instead of slaving away for a manchild like this one?

spookypump · 09/01/2023 00:56

Is this for real? He can't be arsed to look after his own kids properly so why would he want to look after yours? He's a cocklodger in the making. Get a house keeper, it'll be cheaper and less hassle in the long run!!

SLS500 · 09/01/2023 01:02

Sounds like a catch.... one that you throw back in river!

kirwanco · 09/01/2023 01:05

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SLS500 · 09/01/2023 01:05

How can you not have the ick

How long have you known him?

EmmaEmerald · 09/01/2023 01:10

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He's not likely to get JSA though? I presume if he doesn't work again, he will live off savings, parents or partner.