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Original poster

Need some hope - thirties and single, want a baby

150 replies

singleandsad · 07/01/2023 22:06

I turned 32 a few days ago, and i'm suddenly really feeling the pressure to find someone as I want a baby. Its the one thing in life i've always wanted, to be a mum.

But it feels so hopeless. I have tried in the past, online dating, going out. I just never meet anyone. I've had two relationships, both fairly short. One at 21 and one at 26. Both times ended due to their lack of interest, although initially it was them who pursued me.

I used to get more attention from men in my late teens and early twenties. And apart from the obvious aging, nothing has massively changed about my appearance, I'm still the same size. I am slim, people tell me I have a nice figure. I wear makeup, am presentable. Just nobody ever seems to fancy me. My friends have sometimes spoken about meeting men who 'slide in their dm's' but this never happens to me. I tend to fancy the more normal, down to earth, average type, and still they don't seem to have interest in me.

Online dating is so difficult. It just feels so forced from both sides. I have been on 4 dates this year. The 2 of them I wanted to see again both fell off the radar and the 2 I didn't like wanted to see me again. How typical!

I'm at a stage also where I prefer going out for dinner or a cosy night in with a friend rather than clubs or bars, which I guess also limits my chances.

I suppose I want to hear from people who were in my position, who went on to meet someone and have children. I feel like time is running out.

OP posts:
Jamaisy82 · 07/01/2023 22:11

I have just had a baby and just turned 40. I also have a 22 year old son. I was single for a good while throughout my 30s and then rekindled with an old love. I have done the online dating thing aswell. Sometimes things just fall into place without doing too much. I would have never imagined I'd have another child and meet someone but here I am. You're 32 you are still young, it will happen.

BigHeadBertha · 07/01/2023 22:14

Just a thought but you could get your eggs frozen now while you're still young.

SunflowerTed · 07/01/2023 22:14

There are lots of ladies on here who ‘accidentally on purpose’ get pregnant so that is an option

Original poster
singleandsad · 07/01/2023 22:23

BigHeadBertha · 07/01/2023 22:14

Just a thought but you could get your eggs frozen now while you're still young.

Erm, I can't afford that. I don't think the majority of people could in these times. I also have my own place and bills to afford. Thanks though.

OP posts:
MargaritMargo · 07/01/2023 22:23

You’ve still got plenty of time Op!

I met my DH at 36, first baby at 37, second at 39.

The majority of women I know met their partners in their late 20s / early to mid 30s.

The good thing about meeting in your 30s is you know what you want in someone and aren’t going to waste time with an unsuitable man, which I think most of us are guilty of when we’re younger!

32 isn’t old by any means and it only takes one day to meet the right person. It’s a numbers game, keep OLDating and socialising - doesn’t have to be clubs and bars! But just get out and about doing the things you enjoy. Do your friends have any single colleagues, friends or acquaintances? If so encourage them to host some dinner parties!!!

You’ll get there OP, some of us are just fashionably late that’s all! Keep positive!

Chinuplippyon · 07/01/2023 22:25

I'm not at the baby stage yet but have only just (6 months ago) met someone who I think has real potential for this after 4 years of looking and we are planning to move in together. Loads of short flings and several month long things in the meantime. It can take time.

I'd suggest pressing on with OLD, taking regular breaks. Also try some hobbies and maybe going out to bars etc every so often as well as the quieter socialising. With OLD it's a fine balance of keeping enough of an open mind to give people a chance, but being clear on your boundaries and priorities, also a balance of meeting enough people to have a chance of one you like, and not exhausting yourself. 32 is young. Don't rush into a huge commitment with any old fella.

BigHeadBertha · 07/01/2023 22:26

singleandsad · 07/01/2023 22:23

Erm, I can't afford that. I don't think the majority of people could in these times. I also have my own place and bills to afford. Thanks though.

Show quote history

It costs far less than a baby does.

OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside · 07/01/2023 22:29

I got with my partner at 33 and had my kids at 35 and 38 (nearly 39!)

You have plenty of time

I'd known my partner years aswell we were friends he'd always liked me but circumstances never allowed it but then we were both single and he asked me out the rest is history

I remember sobbing on my 30th birthday about not having a baby but now I have 2 children and a lovely partner

Do not give up hope xx

SylvanianFrenemies · 07/01/2023 22:33

My DSIL was in a similar situation.
Met a nice guy online dating aged 37.
She's now 40, engaged, with a lovely newborn.

Joytotheworld88 · 07/01/2023 22:39

I'd never had a long term relationship until I met DH at 29. Thought it would never happen. Lost count of how many awful dates I went on when all my friends were getting married and having kids.
Met DH online but I actually knew him already through work so don't discount something developing with someone who is in your life already!
Don't give up on online dating all together. I deleted it so many times because I got fed up as 99% of people on there are just awful. But remember it only takes one good match. I often think what if I swiped the other way on DH! Sliding doors moment.

Britinme · 07/01/2023 22:43

My goddaughter who is absolutely beautiful but never settled into a relationship had IVF to be a single mum when she was 40 and now has a lovely little one year old boy. Sadly, she rekindled a relationship just after that with an old boyfriend who seemed perfect for her, and he unexpectedly died a short time later, so she is too wrapped up in grieving for him to think much about dating at the moment. Luckily she has really good support from her mum and dad.

Summer2424 · 07/01/2023 22:47

Hi @singleandsad i met my husband at 40 yrs old and had my baby at 41 yrs old
Stay positive you will get there x

sheusesmagazines · 07/01/2023 22:49

I know it's hard and maybe this doesn't help ...but you are really still very young yet.

I met my partner via online dating at 32, had babies at 38 and 41, and getting pregnant and being pregnant was a breeze.

hellosunshineagainxxx · 07/01/2023 22:52

If you can afford to freeze your eggs then do. I'm the same age as you and so many of my friends are having fertility issues already, mostly down to egg quality. Of course some people have babies in their late thirties and 40s but it's by no means guaranteed. In the general population if you are 30-34 age then you have a 35% chance of getting pregnant. IVF rates are also much more successful if done in your early 30s vs later

hellosunshineagainxxx · 07/01/2023 22:52

hellosunshineagainxxx · 07/01/2023 22:52

If you can afford to freeze your eggs then do. I'm the same age as you and so many of my friends are having fertility issues already, mostly down to egg quality. Of course some people have babies in their late thirties and 40s but it's by no means guaranteed. In the general population if you are 30-34 age then you have a 35% chance of getting pregnant. IVF rates are also much more successful if done in your early 30s vs later

Chance of getting pregnant in each cycle*

Barleysugar86 · 07/01/2023 23:01

I met my now husband at 31, after spending all of my twenties with nothing really going anywhere. Online dating wasn't doing anything, and we met in the course of normal boring life. The funny thing is I'd never have considered him when online dating, as he is shorter than me and I was quite picky about that. I think it's hard to really work out who is your time from profiles as its all so based on looks/ photos/ meaningless statistics. I think sparks are elusive and hard to predict unless you are in person with someone.

Having said that I've known couples now married who met that way, so it does work for some. Don't lose heart OP. Enjoy the time you can to travel and have hobbies as they go quick once kids come along. Six years later we are married with two kids - it moves fast once you do find the right person at this age I find!

tax19 · 07/01/2023 23:13

I powered through we online dating and finally met the one.
You have to filter through a bit

moonriverandme · 08/01/2023 00:18

Met my husband through a blind date when I was 31. Married at 32, first baby at 34, 2nd baby at 37. Don't give up hope.

Namechanger355 · 08/01/2023 00:32

Am 37. Half of my friends met their other halves after 32 - eg 33-36. all are now married and all but one has kids.

SwingandaPrayer · 08/01/2023 01:15

met my DH online (good old Meetic) when I was 37 and had DS aged 40. Don't lose hope!

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 08/01/2023 01:40

Met my DP at 33 online. Had my kids at 35 and 37.
Don't compromise on anything important in what you're looking for in a partner.

I forgot to put the age restrictions on my profile but I'd never have met my DP if I'd put it on as he's 5 years younger than me and I usually set it with my age as the minimum.

Pinkbonbon · 08/01/2023 03:15

'A baby'

You mean you want to bring another human Into the world? Babies last 2 years. Wanting a kid is all well and good - but be sure you don't just 'want a baby'.

I want a puppy. I neither have space nor time for a dog. So I won't be getting a puppy. Find something else to think about.

'Time is running out'. Well that sounds fucking depressing. Seriously why entertain that bs. Don't let things become obsessions like that. They'll only drive you mad. Find other dreams.

Maybe you'll have kids, maybe you won't. But you only get one life so don't let 'what ifs' make you miserable.

Simonjt · 08/01/2023 03:28

I was in a similar situation, so I did it alone and adopted my son, best decision ever, you don’t need to be in a relationship to become a parent.

Pollywoddles · 08/01/2023 03:38

I met my husband at 36, started trying for a baby at 38 and it took me 4 years and 7 miscarriages. It was horrific.

If a child is what you want and you can’t afford to freeze eggs then put a limit on it and say if you haven’t found someone by x years old that you’ll go it alone.

Pinko1 · 08/01/2023 03:48

Op, I met my then partner around 35, pregnant by 38. The relationship did end but I did have children. I regret the relationship at times but not the children. Of my friends, those that met later, didn't have children yet are really happy. Those that met earlier, are now separated yet had children. Hopefully not like this for you but id say if you are desperate for children, freeze your eggs.