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Original poster

*Question for men*

152 replies

Aussiegirl123456 · 05/01/2023 01:53

I had dinner with friends yesterday evening and we got on the discussion of affairs (okay, we were gossiping about someone we used to work with).
All friends (5 of them) said that most, like 99% of married men, would not turn down the opportunity of no strings attached sex with a woman offering it to them.

So hypothetically, if a gorgeous female offered you no strings attached sex without any repercussions, would you go for it? Or be a loyal husband? Just seems so cynical!

OP posts:
SimoneSimone · 05/01/2023 05:13

Sounds like codswallop, how can five friends speak for all of the married men out there. either no intelligent thought went into this discussion or you found yourself in a circle of bitterness

Timspam · 05/01/2023 05:18

I wouldn't, simply not worth it, my home, my family, the guilt, the anxiety from that day forward, the fear of someone knocking on my door. I like to go to bed at night as peaceful as I can, life throws enough at me without adding to it myself. Hope that helps.

Original poster
Aussiegirl123456 · 05/01/2023 05:23

SimoneSimone · 05/01/2023 05:13

Sounds like codswallop, how can five friends speak for all of the married men out there. either no intelligent thought went into this discussion or you found yourself in a circle of bitterness

They’re quite a bitter bunch, in the kindest possible way. They’re lovely though, just probably hone in on the worst traits of humanity whereas I’m so optimistic and perhaps naive.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aussiegirl123456 · 05/01/2023 05:25

Timspam · 05/01/2023 05:18

I wouldn't, simply not worth it, my home, my family, the guilt, the anxiety from that day forward, the fear of someone knocking on my door. I like to go to bed at night as peaceful as I can, life throws enough at me without adding to it myself. Hope that helps.

That’s what I thought and that’s also what my husband said (but he has to haha!).
But what if you were one million percent guaranteed no repercussions ever, would it still be no?

OP posts:
Timspam · 05/01/2023 05:31

Aussie girl. Hi, yes still a definite no because the being caught is one thing but having to live with myself is another. Those little moments where my Daughter has bought my a little gift or my partner has cooked my favourite meal and I'd have that constantly in my mind that I don't deserve them I'm a bad person. Please don't MIS understand me I fancy women as much as the next straight male but it's far too mentally damaging for half an hour in a hotel or whatever.

ThesefoolishthingsWallace · 05/01/2023 05:37

Many men are too lazy and others have different hobbies so no I don't think every man would.

EndersGame · 05/01/2023 05:40

Absolutely not. My relationship is based on mutual trust. Its not to be thrown away.

Felix125 · 05/01/2023 05:56

I wouldn't either. As soon as you do this all trust in you relationship has gone. How can you ever look at you children again.

Throwing the question back at you then Aussiegirl123456 - would you or your friends do the same if you were offered the same from a man?

MoonbeamsGlittering · 05/01/2023 05:57

@Aussiegirl123456 100% no from me as well. Even if nobody else could ever know, I would know, and it would eat me up inside.

strugglin101 · 05/01/2023 05:57

Men that do that are needy & desperate. I turned it down many times with women when single. I could do it all the time if I wanted.

Original poster
Aussiegirl123456 · 05/01/2023 05:58

Felix125 · 05/01/2023 05:56

I wouldn't either. As soon as you do this all trust in you relationship has gone. How can you ever look at you children again.

Throwing the question back at you then Aussiegirl123456 - would you or your friends do the same if you were offered the same from a man?

No weirdly they said they wouldn’t. I did ask.

I am so happy you’re all saying you wouldn’t, you all sound like such decent people.

OP posts:
strugglin101 · 05/01/2023 06:02

SimoneSimone · 05/01/2023 05:13

Sounds like codswallop, how can five friends speak for all of the married men out there. either no intelligent thought went into this discussion or you found yourself in a circle of bitterness

They're speaking about all men like we are just needy for sex.
Obviously haven't been the side where you're turning down women - not a pretty sight.

Zanatdy · 05/01/2023 06:12

I’m not a man but my ex wouldn’t have, that’s the one thing I’d give him, he’s loyal and doesn’t approve of affairs / sex outside of relationship. I think a lot of men might, not all

strugglin101 · 05/01/2023 06:16

Hasn't it been shown that women are more likely to cheat these days? I can well believe that from the amount of married/partnered women I encountered when I was single who were up for it - didn't go there either.

Original poster
Aussiegirl123456 · 05/01/2023 06:26

strugglin101 · 05/01/2023 06:16

Hasn't it been shown that women are more likely to cheat these days? I can well believe that from the amount of married/partnered women I encountered when I was single who were up for it - didn't go there either.

I don’t know. Possibly. I think these friends, who are all single if that makes a difference, have been on tinder and adult friend finder and fabswingers etc which will attract those ‘type’ of men. All my married friends seem to have the most loyal husbands, like mine, who I just couldn’t imagine them straying. When I said this though it was met with comments about me being super naive etc. I’m a bit younger than them all too so they do make me feel as though they know things I don’t. It’s refreshing having what I believe to be pretty much confirmed on here.

Thank you all for your responses :-)

OP posts:
Forkthenspoon · 05/01/2023 06:32

I worked in a role where i was propositioned enough times by some lovely females. I was married,said my vows in front of the big man. Took them seriously and I'm very happy I didn't looking back. Never once did i cheat. I valued the relationship
Once it is contaminated by one partner cheating its worthless
So no you can't make a broad and sweeping statement 'all males'

Homedeco · 05/01/2023 06:39

Not all men are interested in sex though, I doubt the thought of a sexual affair would interest a man that has spent years having low to no sex out of choice

AWaferThinMint · 05/01/2023 06:46

A lot of women have a very low opinion of men. My personal view is the at women are as likely as men to and in either case it's nowhere near as high a figure as 99%.

topcat2014 · 05/01/2023 06:48

God I was lucky enough to find one person to marry, I can't imagine fighting people off with a stick.

Plus I'd have to be naked in front of someone new at 50+

So, a no from me.

YRGAM · 05/01/2023 07:02

Even putting aside the guilt and breaking of my marriage vows, I (m) think about it logically - the risk/reward balance is not on favour of cheating for men. Have a sexual encounter and risk seeing my children EOW, and then having my children find out when they're older exactly why Daddy doesn't live with them any more? No AP is worth that

That doesn't mean to say I would never end a bad marriage (although women are far more likely to do this than men), but cheating within a marriage carries too much of a downside.

And I agree with @strugglin101 that men do actually have lots of opportunities to chest, far more than their partners may realise. I personally have had several occasions where it has been 'on the table' and it's very easy to turn down. I would suggest your friends are not addressing this issue in a balanced fashion - have they been hurt in the past?

pinkfondu · 05/01/2023 07:08

It doesn't need to be a gorgeous girl. But in the last year I have been very surprised by a number of individuals who have cheated or tried to cheat.

Not 99%, but much higher than I thought Sad

GLB1980 · 05/01/2023 07:20

No,
When married it happened to me and I said no.
I Did keep thinking about it and in odd moments regretted it but in reality didn't regret it and am glad I said no.

Talon01 · 05/01/2023 07:30

Some would / some wouldn't. I was far from a great husband but wouldn't have cheated as I felt it would be a betrayal of the kids not just my ex wife (I think the kids element gets over looked).

I also agree women aren't much better . They just like to find a way to justify it, e.g. my affair was an exit affair...

Original poster
Aussiegirl123456 · 05/01/2023 08:14

Thank you for the replies (and reassurance!)

OP posts:
Aikko · 05/01/2023 08:26

I think a lot of men would, and a lot of men wouldn't.
It's impossible to generalise on something like this.

Perhaps if they would, it says a lot about their relationship.