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Original poster

*Question for men*

152 replies

Aussiegirl123456 · 05/01/2023 01:53

I had dinner with friends yesterday evening and we got on the discussion of affairs (okay, we were gossiping about someone we used to work with).
All friends (5 of them) said that most, like 99% of married men, would not turn down the opportunity of no strings attached sex with a woman offering it to them.

So hypothetically, if a gorgeous female offered you no strings attached sex without any repercussions, would you go for it? Or be a loyal husband? Just seems so cynical!

OP posts:
Xanorra · 05/01/2023 14:15

NoDatingForOldMen · 05/01/2023 09:20

There was big study that came out of the US a few years back that suggested for the under 30s age group, women were more likely to cheat than men.

Show quote history

I would be curious to know how this was measured? By definition cheaters are not honest so could it be that men are just as likely to cheat, and then lie about it in a survey?

NoDatingForOldMen · 05/01/2023 14:36

@Xanorra
no idea, but this is the article, it’s from 2017/18 so a few years old now.
once over 30 it’s men who represent the higher numbers.

I have read similar stuff from the UK, on which researchers kinda suggest that they think women actually underreported cheating.

ifstudies.org/blog/who-cheats-more-the-demographics-of-cheating-in-america

pocketvenuss · 05/01/2023 15:17

MoonbeamsGlittering · 05/01/2023 05:57

@Aussiegirl123456 100% no from me as well. Even if nobody else could ever know, I would know, and it would eat me up inside.

You seem to be pressing the point that you have lived a life of turning keen women down

pocketvenuss · 05/01/2023 15:20

MephistophelesApprentice · 05/01/2023 09:33

I'm not going to roll a dice and risk losing lots of guaranteed good sex in future for what might be crap sex right now, makes no sense.

I think the issue is that many people in ltr are not having great sex regularly

GyozaGuiting · 05/01/2023 15:25

I’m not a man, but worked in a male industry. When we went abroad I’d say 30% actively tried to cheat, 40% would have if it was on a plate and 30% didn’t and never would. Probably the same as the women I’ve worked with to be fair.

MoonbeamsGlittering · 05/01/2023 15:27

@pocketvenuss I didn't write much about turning loads of people down - are you conflating my comment with some comments from other people? But I'm not single, and I try to make that clear, but if someone does indicate that they are still interested then my only option is to turn them down (given that I won't cheat.)

SallyWD · 05/01/2023 15:37

I'm not a man but have loads of male friends and have always been treated as one of the lads (so men talk openly to me). Yes I think plenty of men would go for it, as in more than half. A minority wouldn't.
I think plenty of women would cheat too but probably less than men simply because men are better at separating sex and love. Yes of course loads of women can see sex as purely physical pleasure but I do think women are more inclined to feel emotionally involved with people they sleep with.
I see myself as someone who wouldn't cheat but there's one particular actor I really have the hots for. In the unlikely event that he asked me for a one night stand and I could be certain my DH would never find out - then yes I'd do it! He's the only one though.

Aikko · 05/01/2023 16:07

"I see myself as someone who wouldn't cheat but there's one particular actor I really have the hots for. In the unlikely event that he asked me for a one night stand and I could be certain my DH would never find out - then yes I'd do it! He's the only one though."

If there was a 100% guarantee of no repercussions, I reckon the number of men who would with their favourite actor or celebrity - is probably pretty damn high.

MoonbeamsGlittering · 05/01/2023 16:12

Aikko · 05/01/2023 16:07

"I see myself as someone who wouldn't cheat but there's one particular actor I really have the hots for. In the unlikely event that he asked me for a one night stand and I could be certain my DH would never find out - then yes I'd do it! He's the only one though."

If there was a 100% guarantee of no repercussions, I reckon the number of men who would with their favourite actor or celebrity - is probably pretty damn high.

Still a "No" from me, but each to their own!

SIUUU · 05/01/2023 16:17

Truthfully, I would much rather be on a golf course. I am a 35 year old man, not a 15 year old kid.

DanseAvecLesLoups · 05/01/2023 16:18

EBearhug · 05/01/2023 10:36

Some men never would, but there are plenty others who would. I have had more than one married man offer to go to bed with me. I never understood why they would risk their marriages for me - I'm average rather than gorgeous, overweight, small breasts, and they wouldn't know if I'm fabulous in bed. I'm currently on OLD, and there are hordes of married men on there, some of whom are open about it, but not all.

And of course there are married women on fabswingers. It's a swinging site. There are loads of couples there.

How did that work then? Did said married man just randomly offer to shag you or was there some kind of emotional/flirting build up between the pair of you before said proposal?

Felix125 · 05/01/2023 16:57

SIUUU · 05/01/2023 16:17

Truthfully, I would much rather be on a golf course. I am a 35 year old man, not a 15 year old kid.

Same here

I'm a 50 year old and would prefer a bag of crisps!

PrincessConstance · 05/01/2023 17:00

Dp and I have been together for just under 4 yrs. Previous to meeting me he dated a lot using Tinder and Bumble. The girls he dated/slept with nagged him incessantly to meet up for no-strings sex.
He turned them all down.
So no he wouldn't cheat, he's proven it already-he has a long track record of not having his head turned, ever.
I on the other hand previously cheated on my first proper boyfriend.

VanillaSnap · 05/01/2023 17:10

Obviously no one can speak for 'all men', and there'll never be something that 'all men' or even 99% of them would do. But I do think there's a lot of wrong that people refrain from doing not so much because of their deeply ingrained morals, but for fear of repercussions. In a situation where someone could fulfil a desire with absolutely no fear of it coming back to bite them, I think many people would succumb to temptation.

pinneddownbytabbies · 05/01/2023 17:17

I can believe that 99% of men dream of the day when a random gorgeous woman offers them no strings attached sex.

Let's face it, it ain't gonna happen though, is it? Grin

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 05/01/2023 17:59

I think this is an “it depends” question.

Someone in a sexless / underwhelming sexual LTR might consider this, especially if the circumstances of meeting the woman are “safe” - ie work trip away alone, nobody to see anything, completely anonymous.

mackthepony · 05/01/2023 18:05

Not man but I can say that most men would have sex with other women if they could guarantee their wife wouldn't find out.

Men are so base

Branleuse · 05/01/2023 18:11

I think my dp would be extremely tempted, but I dont think he would do it because ive told him that if he ever cheated ,Id either dump him or I would bloody cheat on him back, and id likely find it easier to be offered random sex than he would.

EnigmaCat · 05/01/2023 18:59

No, wouldn't take the risk of ruining the relationship and would worse about myself. Easy to say as a man in his 50s, who gave up on the whole messy relationship business years ago.

ZaphodDent · 05/01/2023 19:07

I am a man and have been in the exact scenario posed.

I was at a conference in Germany, and ended up in the hotel sauna chatting with a beautiful conference delegate. We quickly realised everyone else was naked, and she removed her bikini entirely, without giving it a second thought, and encouraged me to follow suit, which I did.

So there I am, with a beautiful naked woman, who I will probably never meet again (and never have) in a different country.

The more we chat the more I realise she's quite a character, shall we say, and being naked in a sauna is quite mild for her. She's also making it clear that fun is to be had.

I therefore found myself having to make a decision. I left the sauna, and went for a cold shower in my room. On my own.

I do actually feel very good about that decision (most of the time).

HariKris · 05/01/2023 20:34

ZaphodDent · 05/01/2023 19:07

I am a man and have been in the exact scenario posed.

I was at a conference in Germany, and ended up in the hotel sauna chatting with a beautiful conference delegate. We quickly realised everyone else was naked, and she removed her bikini entirely, without giving it a second thought, and encouraged me to follow suit, which I did.

So there I am, with a beautiful naked woman, who I will probably never meet again (and never have) in a different country.

The more we chat the more I realise she's quite a character, shall we say, and being naked in a sauna is quite mild for her. She's also making it clear that fun is to be had.

I therefore found myself having to make a decision. I left the sauna, and went for a cold shower in my room. On my own.

I do actually feel very good about that decision (most of the time).

So this time you were the 1%. But next time you will be within the 99% who did. The only thing that appeared to stop you was that you would perform in front of the others present in the sauna.

You were not in the exact same scenario as the OP set out. Confidentiality is a problem. Had you been in a room alone, with no risk of being compromised, you would have fucked her. Is that not correct?

Palmfrond · 05/01/2023 20:50

It’s an impossible scenario, so really pretty much impossible to answer, but let me try;

Yes. Probably.

That said, I would find any woman randomly proposing sex a massive turn off, so the scenario would have to be adjusted accordingly, so while we’re at it, let’s make it happen on a private island (mine) in a parallel universe where everything is uncomplicated and sexy and my wife is cool with it and has gym bunnies of her own to shag, which, in this parallel universe, I would also be cool with.

So, in fantasy I’m one of the 99%, in reality on of the 1%, though I think those numbers are way off.

ZaphodDent · 05/01/2023 21:43

HariKris · 05/01/2023 20:34

So this time you were the 1%. But next time you will be within the 99% who did. The only thing that appeared to stop you was that you would perform in front of the others present in the sauna.

You were not in the exact same scenario as the OP set out. Confidentiality is a problem. Had you been in a room alone, with no risk of being compromised, you would have fucked her. Is that not correct?

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No. We were both in the same hotel, both had rooms (I had a suite). There was no likelihood of anything happening in the sauna where other people were present.

HariKris · 05/01/2023 22:16

ZaphodDent · 05/01/2023 21:43

No. We were both in the same hotel, both had rooms (I had a suite). There was no likelihood of anything happening in the sauna where other people were present.

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That's a non-answer really isn't it.

ZaphodDent · 05/01/2023 22:51

HariKris · 05/01/2023 22:16

That's a non-answer really isn't it.

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Oh good grief. I could have shagged a beautiful woman, who was offering it on a plate, no strings attached, very little chance of being found out (although I concede not zero chance) in a different country, and I chose not to.