*Question for men*

[Aussiegirl123456]

I had dinner with friends yesterday evening and we got on the discussion of affairs (okay, we were gossiping about someone we used to work with).
All friends (5 of them) said that most, like 99% of married men, would not turn down the opportunity of no strings attached sex with a woman offering it to them.

So hypothetically, if a gorgeous female offered you no strings attached sex without any repercussions, would you go for it? Or be a loyal husband? Just seems so cynical!

It was indeed, but it's a hypothetical that isn't actually possible any more. Lots of people fully understand this, so naturally many men's response is going to be one that's rooted in reality. Hence the comments about risk. We're a couple of decades past genuinely no comeback sex.

If you can’t answer a hypothetical question or understand how to then don’t comment. Simple.

If you don't have a moderation role on MN, stay in your lane and don't tell other people not to comment. Simple.

I’m the hypothetical mumsnet police so shhh yourself

I'm the real life police for people who get above themselves.

@Wintercandyapple @SirMingeALot

People like you two are why I love mumsnet!

Well you two can give me a hypothetical telling off and a virtual spank and I’ll go on my merry little way 😘😋

No.

Simple answer is no.

The complex answer is that your source is not reliable. Firstly, you have the impact of social conformity, one strong opinion sways the others. There is how serious they were being. Then how much thought had they given it. Then there is what are you comparing. A married man in a happy relationship is very different to a man in a sexless marriage, one where there is a high level of dissatisfaction, or even one where there is a history of infidelity. There was a study a few years back showing only 13% of marriages over 5 years old are considered satisfying.

Also, there is both a genetic and a social component to these types of behaviours.

If they said 80% would in the right circumstances, I couldn’t build a data based case to say they were wrong, or if they said 20% would if they were in a good satisfying relationship the same applies. What is apparent is the 99% claim is not likely to be correct.

An interesting question to ask them in that situation is what % of women do they think would leave a current husband if they had the option of marriage to another man who was “better” in every respect if there were no negative impacts on anyone (kids either party in the marriage)? I imagine they would see it as similarly likely, when that is also obviously a massive overestimate there too. The way to frame that question for women is not to frame it as the chance to cheat for a ONS for women, but you still aren’t going to get 99%.

Most people can't accurately say much about other peoples preferences, but what they say about other people often says a lot about them.

Also, remember as single women they will have vastly more interactions with a pool of men who are not inclined to monogamy, a significant skew in life experience.

How often woudl they be running in to the men who are married, have been for years and would have no reason to interact with them in a way that would provide them with information to make an assessment.

Well, I can quote my ex uncle: It was offered to me on a silver platter, I would have been an idiot to turn it down...

I was unfaithful in a previous relationship, we got along but it was clear the sexual side was lacking, he rarely touched me below, foreplay was kissing and sex was something that happened for 5 minutes, I didn’t know any better, limited sexual experience before to this. One night I had sex with a man, it was not planned, it happened and it reawakened something, there was no going back after that and I ended the relationship swiftly after. It’s not always about a lack of morals and it doesn’t mean that person doesn’t have morals, people make mistakes in life, humans are not faultless, sometimes those mistakes lead us to a place of recognition.

To be honest I wouldn’t turn it down and didn’t when it was offered. I would do it again too.

I would without thinking about it. I have lots of male friends and I would expect most of them to do so too.

Good to have some responses from both sides. Appreciated :-)

No …… I had an affair when I was married to my first wife… I saw the damage it can do to both her and my family and my friends. Plus the stress of keeping the secret was too much… might not be for others, but never done it since and wouldn’t consider it….. in nearly 30 years since…. Plus oi love my Wife and I’m no longer an idiot

But that’s because you got caught or confessed? The question is would you if there was zero possibility of any comeback. And yea, I know there’s no way of being certain of no repercussions but hypothetically, if sex with zero strings and no chance of anyone else in the world was offered to you on a plate by a very sexy woman, would you?

I asked this way because what my friends did say is that what stops most men commuting adultery is the chance of getting caught and losing everything. But if sex on tap was offered by a mysterious and very sexy stranger, who will vanish into the sunset, never to be seen or heard from again, most men wouldn’t turn down the opportunity.

I don't understand why you'd bother with a monogamous relationship then. Isn't that just living a lie if you prize sex that highly?

That person answered the hypothetical question I asked. In reality he perhaps wouldn’t dream of committing adultery because he has too much to lose, but in the hypothetical scenario I asked about which was zero chance of repercussions, would you he answered yes. Doesn’t mean he would in reality because in reality there’s always a chance of getting caught.

I think monogamy isn't something you'd think about in terms of repercussions for sexual activity, it's just monogamy.

Either you're willing to have sexual activity outside of it or you're not.

I get what you’re saying but it’s not relevant to the question. Or rather, it is the question. Would most men still be monogamous if they were offered no strings sex on a plate without any comeback.

My friends all think no, the majority of men wouldn’t. I like to think that most men would. I know what monogamy is. I am in a monogamous marriage.

I asked this question in real life and tbh it’s been pretty much 50-50 among men and women. Shocking. I am surprised. And even more surprised that those I know and wouldn’t believe they would are the ones who said they would consider it. Guess you never know hey.

I'm not surprised at all, a lot of people just aren't ever going to be able to handle monogamy. I'm more surprised they don't admit it to themselves and form open relationships with the large amount of people that also can't handle monogamy.

But you're right this belongs in another thread.

Yep I get ya, and you are so right. And then people change too, they want monogamy and then change their minds years later. Humans are very complex creatures hey!

Bang on. With zero repercussions, of course I would do it.

Monogamy is pretty dull IMO - no matter how good your car or house is, sometimes you just fancy a change or to go to a car showroom to window shop...

And as said, people change. I wouldn't want to be someone who stays the same - constantly developing yourself and learning is what makes life interesting. My personality and approach to life has changed a fair bit in the past 10 years for instance.