Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

*Question for men*

152 replies

Aussiegirl123456 · 05/01/2023 01:53

I had dinner with friends yesterday evening and we got on the discussion of affairs (okay, we were gossiping about someone we used to work with).
All friends (5 of them) said that most, like 99% of married men, would not turn down the opportunity of no strings attached sex with a woman offering it to them.

So hypothetically, if a gorgeous female offered you no strings attached sex without any repercussions, would you go for it? Or be a loyal husband? Just seems so cynical!

OP posts:
OrlandointheWilderness · 05/01/2023 08:45

I know my DP wouldn't. And I wouldn't, no matter how gorgeous the man. Just not worth it, and the only one I want touching me is my DP.

YRGAM · 05/01/2023 09:10

And yeah, I think the main point here is that it's impossible to generalise. Your friends are not representative if they've all somehow been cheated on, and the Mumsnet relationship board certainly isn't representative - it's not really a good idea for anyone to spend a lot of time on it IMO

NoDatingForOldMen · 05/01/2023 09:17

Aussiegirl123456 · 05/01/2023 01:53

I had dinner with friends yesterday evening and we got on the discussion of affairs (okay, we were gossiping about someone we used to work with).
All friends (5 of them) said that most, like 99% of married men, would not turn down the opportunity of no strings attached sex with a woman offering it to them.

So hypothetically, if a gorgeous female offered you no strings attached sex without any repercussions, would you go for it? Or be a loyal husband? Just seems so cynical!

I think that would depend on the man and the state of the marriage, a happily married man, probably not, an unhappily married man probably yes.

NoDatingForOldMen · 05/01/2023 09:20

strugglin101 · 05/01/2023 06:16

Hasn't it been shown that women are more likely to cheat these days? I can well believe that from the amount of married/partnered women I encountered when I was single who were up for it - didn't go there either.

There was big study that came out of the US a few years back that suggested for the under 30s age group, women were more likely to cheat than men.

crackofdoom · 05/01/2023 09:25

From what I hear, there are a lot of married women on Fabswingers too 🤔

Original poster
Aussiegirl123456 · 05/01/2023 09:29

crackofdoom · 05/01/2023 09:25

From what I hear, there are a lot of married women on Fabswingers too 🤔

I expect so, but I’d hazard a guess and estimate there’s more married men on there than married women (perhaps mainly due to safety?).

OP posts:
Original poster
Aussiegirl123456 · 05/01/2023 09:31

YRGAM · 05/01/2023 09:10

And yeah, I think the main point here is that it's impossible to generalise. Your friends are not representative if they've all somehow been cheated on, and the Mumsnet relationship board certainly isn't representative - it's not really a good idea for anyone to spend a lot of time on it IMO

None of them have been cheated on… but agree that it’s impossible to generalise. But them claiming most / 99% of men would cheat if given a free pass opportunity seems ludicrous. Unless all the men commenting here are in that 1%!

OP posts:
MephistophelesApprentice · 05/01/2023 09:33

I'm not going to roll a dice and risk losing lots of guaranteed good sex in future for what might be crap sex right now, makes no sense.

Deadringer · 05/01/2023 09:34

I think about 50/60% of men would go for it, if they thought they would definitely get away with it. 99% no way.

NoDatingForOldMen · 05/01/2023 09:34

Aussiegirl123456 · 05/01/2023 05:58

No weirdly they said they wouldn’t. I did ask.

I am so happy you’re all saying you wouldn’t, you all sound like such decent people.

Show quote history

I would bet money that one your friends is lying or would certainly think about it if they had the opportunity as cheating in marriage women run as about 13%

Original poster
Aussiegirl123456 · 05/01/2023 09:34

MephistophelesApprentice · 05/01/2023 09:33

I'm not going to roll a dice and risk losing lots of guaranteed good sex in future for what might be crap sex right now, makes no sense.

Sorry, I don’t understand.

Risk free / no strings sex - so no comeback. Would you?

OP posts:
shieldmaiden7 · 05/01/2023 09:36

My husband's reply was "I'm not most men then."

Original poster
Aussiegirl123456 · 05/01/2023 09:37

NoDatingForOldMen · 05/01/2023 09:34

I would bet money that one your friends is lying or would certainly think about it if they had the opportunity as cheating in marriage women run as about 13%

Show quote history

They’re not married, they’re all 40-50-something women who are single by choice and never married. But if in a relationship they said they wouldn’t cheat. They’re different to me, I’ve been married for my entire adult life (since 18) and I think they were being a bit mean to be honest. I’m not sure. I’m a few years younger than them and sometimes it feels like they try and plant a seed or treat me like I’m naive. I know so many married men who would never cheat so I know their 99% theory was wrong but that lil seed started nagging away at me!

OP posts:
Original poster
Aussiegirl123456 · 05/01/2023 09:38

shieldmaiden7 · 05/01/2023 09:36

My husband's reply was "I'm not most men then."

My husband said that word for word too! Not that I needed to ask but…

OP posts:
MephistophelesApprentice · 05/01/2023 09:40

If there's two people involved and we're in the same universe as my partner, I don't think it could ever be truly risk free. It might change my behaviour for one thing, which might end up hurting my partner, and why would I risk that?

NoDatingForOldMen · 05/01/2023 09:47

Aussiegirl123456 · 05/01/2023 09:37

They’re not married, they’re all 40-50-something women who are single by choice and never married. But if in a relationship they said they wouldn’t cheat. They’re different to me, I’ve been married for my entire adult life (since 18) and I think they were being a bit mean to be honest. I’m not sure. I’m a few years younger than them and sometimes it feels like they try and plant a seed or treat me like I’m naive. I know so many married men who would never cheat so I know their 99% theory was wrong but that lil seed started nagging away at me!

Show quote history

I’m not married, but I did look at IE a few years back, and there were pages and pages of married/ partnered women in their 40s/50s all married 20+ years, looking for extramarital affair’s, so yeah I would say one of friends is probably lying to you, and if they were in a boring marriage they might look, or at least think about it.

VisaGeezer · 05/01/2023 09:48

Aussiegirl123456 · 05/01/2023 09:37

They’re not married, they’re all 40-50-something women who are single by choice and never married. But if in a relationship they said they wouldn’t cheat. They’re different to me, I’ve been married for my entire adult life (since 18) and I think they were being a bit mean to be honest. I’m not sure. I’m a few years younger than them and sometimes it feels like they try and plant a seed or treat me like I’m naive. I know so many married men who would never cheat so I know their 99% theory was wrong but that lil seed started nagging away at me!

Show quote history

The are dealing with the 90% circulating trash that are never married, divorced or separated men in their 30s upward .... Their views of men are based on them.

You are dealing with the settled young, traditional, conservative, committed, family oriented, settling type who (not all) but mostly are not like the men they deal with.

That's why your views of men differ so much.

Original poster
Aussiegirl123456 · 05/01/2023 09:49

NoDatingForOldMen · 05/01/2023 09:47

I’m not married, but I did look at IE a few years back, and there were pages and pages of married/ partnered women in their 40s/50s all married 20+ years, looking for extramarital affair’s, so yeah I would say one of friends is probably lying to you, and if they were in a boring marriage they might look, or at least think about it.

Show quote history

Who knows. They’ve been in long term relationships before and none have ever cheated but I guess they couldn’t say with certainty. Irrelevant somewhat though as they were talking about men, not women.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aussiegirl123456 · 05/01/2023 09:49

VisaGeezer · 05/01/2023 09:48

The are dealing with the 90% circulating trash that are never married, divorced or separated men in their 30s upward .... Their views of men are based on them.

You are dealing with the settled young, traditional, conservative, committed, family oriented, settling type who (not all) but mostly are not like the men they deal with.

That's why your views of men differ so much.

Show quote history

Agree

OP posts:
ManyNameChanges · 05/01/2023 09:52

I actually think they would if they knew they wouldn’t get caught.

Bookworm20 · 05/01/2023 09:53

Its a little interesting though that all of the replies saying they wouldn't cheat have given reasons as because of what THEY would lose (family, children, risk of being caught, more sex with their partner).

Only one has said because it would hurt their partner, and even that was based on IF they were found out, it would hurt their partner.

Not a single person has said they wouldn't purely because they love and respect their partner too much to even want to.

And this one: I'm not going to roll a dice and risk losing lots of guaranteed good sex in future for what might be crap sex right now, makes no sense.
All about sex HE would lose. Nothing about losing the person he loves, just that he might miss out on more sex in the long run.

Its a little depressing, even though most say they wouldn't, the reasons given as to why are just a bit depressing.

VisaGeezer · 05/01/2023 09:55

I should add that some married men, including long-term married ones, can certainly be trash too ... They either don't get caught or their wives don't leave if they do get caught. What percentage they are, I don't know.

I have no doubt that they also come onto your single friends, adding to their impression of men.

(I don't know many women, who became single post 30s, who didn't experience a good proportion of their friends' husbands coming onto them. One had pretty much every one if them come onto her at one point or another. They were staying with her (they are all part of an elite/niche sport & industry) while in her area .... She thought she was being helpful and kind; they thought she was doing "shag B&B" for them, not B&B.

MoonbeamsGlittering · 05/01/2023 09:56

@Aussiegirl123456 Could it be that your friends are a bit jealous of you and your marriage to a good man, and that's partly why they're saying those things?

HariKris · 05/01/2023 09:56

Not all men would (or do). I do not think the world would work the way it does if every man had zero morals. There is something tangible about building a life on good morals.

MoonbeamsGlittering · 05/01/2023 10:00

@Bookworm20 I love and respect my partner, which are very good reasons for not cheating, but I still wouldn't cheat even if I didn't love and respect her, because it's firmly against my values and I know that my conscience wouldn't let me. I've never cheated on anyone even when things were going badly.

Swipe left for the next trending thread