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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Should I message?

384 replies

AbiVenete · 03/01/2023 10:21

Years ago, while backpacking, I met a man who I instantly clicked with and we had a whirlwind 7 days of the most amazing sex I have ever had. We both had separate flights and we agreed to meet back in UK. He wrote his name and number in a book (this predates mobiles and Facebook) which I then lost.

A few weeks ago, while reading the news online, I instantly recognised his face, name the same… he has just taken a high profile job in my region. I immediately felt that tinge of excitement, looked him up, he’s on LinkedIn but nothing obvious anywhere else so no idea if he’s single or anything.

Am I being ridiculous to think about messaging? He probably a) wont remember me b) is married or unavailable. I am single again and keep drafting messages but unsure exactly what to say. Should I message or just leave it in the past?

OP posts:
Bepis · 04/01/2023 08:17

EBearhug · 04/01/2023 08:07

Probably best not to mention half MN is on tenterhooks for his next reply!

😂😂

DancinOnTheCeiling · 04/01/2023 08:25

Yay, I’m glad he replied 🥳🥳. The fact he’s often wondered what happened to OP is great validation that it was perfectly fine to message.

A friendly but professional tone makes me think he might be married/in a relationship but I hope I’m wrong and this is the beginning of a great romance 🥰🤞🏻.

WomanhoodIsABirthright · 04/01/2023 08:25

AbiVenete · 04/01/2023 08:04

I went to bed last night having had no reply but woke up this morning to a nice message, essentially saying it was nice to hear from me again and he’d often wondered what happened to me. Friendly but professional is how I’d describe the tone. I’ve replied again

Fantastic!

Bepis · 04/01/2023 08:26

What did you reply to him?

DancinOnTheCeiling · 04/01/2023 08:33

Ps for the people who said not to message: I just asked my DH for his opinion on this kind of scenario, for a male perspective. He said why would it ever be a bad thing to message? Worst case scenario the guy isn’t single but would probably feel flattered, best case he’s single and something comes of it

ToBeOrNotToBee · 04/01/2023 08:35

Omg he replied!

Bepis · 04/01/2023 08:37

ToBeOrNotToBee · 04/01/2023 08:35

Omg he replied!

We all wake up eagerly checking 😁

rainbowstardrops · 04/01/2023 08:58

Ooh great that he replied! I would have sent the message too. Nothing ventured, nothing gained and all that!

cowsaysmoo · 04/01/2023 09:17

Yay! He replied!
It'd be the most romantic story if he's single and you got together after all these years!!!

Original poster
AbiVenete · 04/01/2023 09:27

We are now 7-8 messages in, less formal in tone and we’ve shared some nice memories. We have only messaged about our careers and travels, neither has brought up the subject of partners/family etc. I thought it best to let him ask that rather than have me message him out of the blue and the. ask if he’s married. His last message said: ‘ it’s been great catching up after all these years, but I have to work now. If you ever fancy lunch or a coffee, I have some great photos from xxx you’d probably enjoy seeing.’

I’ve not replied to that yet

OP posts:
Memam · 04/01/2023 09:29

Great to hear he replied! I do find it odd that several people here advised OP not to contact him. Worried he's your husband, eh?! I guess the amazing week of sex all those years ago worried some people.

newfence · 04/01/2023 09:31

I love his latest reply, fingers crossed for you!

Memam · 04/01/2023 09:33

AbiVenete · 04/01/2023 09:27

We are now 7-8 messages in, less formal in tone and we’ve shared some nice memories. We have only messaged about our careers and travels, neither has brought up the subject of partners/family etc. I thought it best to let him ask that rather than have me message him out of the blue and the. ask if he’s married. His last message said: ‘ it’s been great catching up after all these years, but I have to work now. If you ever fancy lunch or a coffee, I have some great photos from xxx you’d probably enjoy seeing.’

I’ve not replied to that yet

Lovely news, OP. It's such a good sign that he has offered to meet. We'll all expect live updates from the wedding.

QueefQueen80s · 04/01/2023 09:43

Yay! I was hoping you'd message. Life is short and nothing lost if he's attached. It must just be a relief to stop wondering what became of him.

Bepis · 04/01/2023 09:45

I really want to know if he is single or not 😁

QueefQueen80s · 04/01/2023 09:46

The people saying not to message are probably mostly attached and wouldn't want their husband/partner getting this kind of message. If he's a good man then there's nothing to worry about, just a friendly catch up and trip down memory lane.

Shitfather · 04/01/2023 09:50

OMG!!! First thread I’ve checked this morning. I’m so incredibly happy for you! What a wonderful start to the year (regardless of what happens next).

I just hope the DM do not publish this (although there was a gorgeous and similar story they printed last week about a rekindled love. Can’t find the link).

Ban · 04/01/2023 10:05

Probably best to check he's single before meeting for coffee!

Nice as a catch-up would be it may make you feel really sad at "missing out".

You have nothing to gain with meeting him if he's married. Nothing :(

Ineedtosleep79 · 04/01/2023 10:13

EBearhug · 04/01/2023 08:07

Probably best not to mention half MN is on tenterhooks for his next reply!

This 😂

EssexDad86 · 04/01/2023 10:19

Whats to lose?
If hes married or in relationship, he either 1. wont reply (nothing lost) 2. will let you know (nothing lost)
If he is single you'll either 1. Have the chance of a relationship or 2. get some orgasms haha

If i was single and a girl id had great sex messaged me i would be round there in a flash lol

Alcemeg · 04/01/2023 10:19

7–8 messages in and still no cock photo, sounds like a keeper OP 👍👍👍😍

Aussiegirl123456 · 04/01/2023 10:19

Go for it, life’s too short!

Aussiegirl123456 · 04/01/2023 10:20

Oh oops should have read the full thread haha! Well done

EssexDad86 · 04/01/2023 10:24

Hmm dunno we normally wait til about message 9 😂

TedMullins · 04/01/2023 10:24

Amazing news! I read the beginning of the thread and didn’t understand why anyone was advising not to message. I would’ve messaged in your position. Glad he replied and seems keen to meet - that all suggests he’s single but you can’t be certain, so would be good to try and wheedle that out of him. When I’ve wanted to know if someone’s single before I’ve asked about their living situation - “oh whereabouts are you living? Ah yes, lovely area. Alone? Or with someone?” Just a tip 😉