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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is there something going on with me and a friends husband?

179 replies

CyprusLiving · 26/12/2022 20:11

So, I am married. A very close friend of mine is married. We all have lots of social meet ups with just us 4, and with other friends too.

When we are sober, me and friends husband don't speak much at all, when we do it is immensly awkward and always about the kids as we don't know what else to say.

When we drink alcohol it is completley different. Always making fun of eachother and having great banter. I have noticed we are keeping eye contact longer than usual now. He would always put an arm around our other friends, even when around their husbands (this is usual of all of our husbands, we are all really close and laid back about this). He never once put his arm around me, never had any touching.

BUT.

The day before christmas eve, me, my friend and the husband in question went to the pub (we live on a military base so knew most of the people there). I got upset at something unrelated and walked off and he followed and we had a deep chat. The rest of the night was weird, he worked behind the bar for a bit and didn't let me buy a drink, eye contact was insane. I'd be dancing and he would be looking over even though his wife was in a different direction. He put his arm around me, then I noticed we would be stood arm in arm regularly, he seemed to be pulling me closely towards him. He waked past me and brushed my hip with his hand, would hold my hand to take me to the dance floor through the crowd. He kissed my forehead when hugging me goodbye.
But also throughout the night he would be kissing his wife in front of me.
I made a joke about my husband being lucky to have me on his quiz team as he won, and the man in question replied "he's lucky in many ways".

Then yesterday (christmas day), I went to their house for evening drinks. Again the eye contact and banter was huge. I walked in with another of our friends. He hugged me, again kissed my head, then hugged my friend but no kiss (I noticed he kissed my head and wanted to see if it was just what he does to everyone or just me?)

Basically I have no idea if he is flirting with me or just being friendly, and confused why we don't speak when sober.
I do find him attractive, and if i'm being fully honest, I most likely do flirt with him when drunk.

I'm spending new years eve with them also, and our friends and my husband and I just want to know whats going on.

OP posts:
Tulipvase · 26/12/2022 22:49

VisaGeezer · 26/12/2022 22:08

Most people know that there are loads of men in the military who would fuck a crack in a plate, and are only as faithful as their options. It's par for the course.

Not sure why you're not aware of it.

You are aware that the army is just made up of regular people? So the percentage of men in the general population that are pricks is the same as the number of dick head (male) soldiers?

Not sure why you aren’t aware of this?

StopStartStop · 26/12/2022 22:49

You want to know what's happening?
You're skating on thin ice.
Imagine the disruption caused when you two have an affair and are found out.

HowzAboutIt · 26/12/2022 22:50

Don;t think anyone has kissed my forehead since I was about 5. What an odd thing to do

GalwayShawl · 26/12/2022 22:50

God this is cringey as fuck.

Tobloronie · 26/12/2022 22:52

Namechanged. Haven’t read all the replies but OP, you might be interested to know that I came onto mumsnet a while back asking for help and advice in a somewhat similar situation - an attraction had developed between me and the DH of a good friend, we all hang out as a four etc.

HOWEVER, unlike you, I knew exactly what was ‘happening’, and felt utterly shit about the whole situation - a bad friend and a bad wife - and just wanted to stamp out the feelings I had completely. I got some good advice (as well as a few virtual slaps and head wobbles!) and think you may have had the same, had you not written this like a starry-eyed teen with no care for your dh or friend.

In short - don’t be alone with him, avoid late nights and booze. Think of the mess it could cause all the people involved in your lives if you go down this road. Picture the faces of your kids when you have to tell them you are splitting up. Pull yourself together, don’t entertain it, and move on.

Oblomov22 · 26/12/2022 22:55

WTF? Do you have such low self esteem that you find this flattering / confidence boosting. This is yuk.

Horsemad · 26/12/2022 22:56

Well, if this is true then there's a 24hr posting in the offing...

It doesn't take much for people to notice and tongues to start wagging. Next thing the shit will hit the fan & he will be hauled in front of the CO...

Dello · 26/12/2022 22:56

Itsthewhitehat · 26/12/2022 20:28

Oh my you are so lucky. A man who is married to your friend who can’t think of anything to say to you when sober, wants to shah you. But only when he is drunk! And even better, he has no respect for your husband or his wife. Nor do you!

What a lucky woman you are! This is the stuff of fairytales!

🙄

This!

Azandme · 26/12/2022 22:58

Tulipvase · 26/12/2022 22:49

You are aware that the army is just made up of regular people? So the percentage of men in the general population that are pricks is the same as the number of dick head (male) soldiers?

Not sure why you aren’t aware of this?

Show quote history

That's not 100% accurate - you have to have a specific mindset to join the forces, that most people don't have. Once you've proven you have the right aptitude to meet the entry requirements, you go to basic training where you're broken down psychologically, and built back up to ignore natural regular instincts. That's why forces personnel run towards life threatening situations and "regular" people don't. It's also why so many ex forces personnel struggle when they leave the forces - because they aren't "regular" people - they aren't even who they were 24 weeks ago when they arrived.

There's an Army saying - "Trust your mate with your life, but not with your wife."

Oblomov22 · 26/12/2022 22:58

Show your husband this thread. Can't wait to see what he thinks.

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 26/12/2022 23:01

And you think that no one also has noticed your moon eyes at him? Or his ' I need a fuck' eyes at you?

Grow up , distance yourself or move away and move on.

Tulipvase · 26/12/2022 23:04

Azandme · 26/12/2022 22:58

That's not 100% accurate - you have to have a specific mindset to join the forces, that most people don't have. Once you've proven you have the right aptitude to meet the entry requirements, you go to basic training where you're broken down psychologically, and built back up to ignore natural regular instincts. That's why forces personnel run towards life threatening situations and "regular" people don't. It's also why so many ex forces personnel struggle when they leave the forces - because they aren't "regular" people - they aren't even who they were 24 weeks ago when they arrived.

There's an Army saying - "Trust your mate with your life, but not with your wife."

Show quote history

I agree with you for some areas of the forces, special forces for example.

Not so much for your basic soldier.

July70 · 26/12/2022 23:08

"friend" - if you was mine I'd moved to another continent

merlotlover · 26/12/2022 23:10

I can see it now a quick shag sat on top of the biffa bins round the back of the pub, he will get a round of applause and you'll get ALL the shit

Ijuststoodonlego · 26/12/2022 23:10

I'm spending new years eve with them - errrrr not the best thing to do. Practice lingering eye contact with your own husband, not someone elses.

and I just want to know whats going on - you know full well what's going on. You're about to enter into a situation you can't unfuck.

sweetdreamtennasee · 26/12/2022 23:14

nip it in the bud. it’s not worth it, it never is.

BabyFour2023 · 26/12/2022 23:15

You’re a shit friend and an even shitter wife. What are you hoping to gain from this? You’re clearly loving the attention. Is your self esteem really so low you need this attention from your so called friends husband? Do you not feel bad in anyway?

justasking111 · 26/12/2022 23:16

CorvusPurpureus · 26/12/2022 20:30

He's a sleaze & a rubbish husband. You're a sleaze & no sort of friend.

Put Mr Slimy down quickly, whilst he's still just groping your hips in passing.

Or you'll find yourself drunkenly shagging him somewhere embarrassing, the whole base will know about it by sunrise, & you'll have totally fucked your marriage.

I'd say you've already made your friendship with Slimy's poor wife impossible. Hope she's got better mates around her.

This

A military base is the worst place for a flirtation. Everyone is talking about you already I'll bet

Alisonscutehairflick · 26/12/2022 23:17

You sound quite obsessed to be honest, overanalysing every little interaction

Hawkins001 · 26/12/2022 23:18

justasking111 · 26/12/2022 23:16

This

A military base is the worst place for a flirtation. Everyone is talking about you already I'll bet

Show quote history

In terms of people talking, that's no real difference in many corporations

CockSpadget · 26/12/2022 23:19

Is that you Jolene?

justasking111 · 26/12/2022 23:22

Hawkins001 · 26/12/2022 23:18

In terms of people talking, that's no real difference in many corporations

Show quote history

BUT you get to have a life outside of work, live elsewhere, friends elsewhere.

monsteramunch · 26/12/2022 23:23

I only did an AS as you mentioned having a previous issue on MN and I thought you may be having us on.

You posted earlier this year about finding it hard to make friends on the base.

Thinking and behaving in the way you describe in this post may be the issue...

People can generally tell if you're flirting with their partner and sizing them up for a shag.

And generally that's a bit of a dampener for a potential relationship, don't you think?

ashitghost · 26/12/2022 23:24

You are both pathetic.

Canthave2manycats · 26/12/2022 23:27

Grow the fuck up!

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