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Original poster

Is there something going on with me and a friends husband?

179 replies

CyprusLiving · 26/12/2022 20:11

So, I am married. A very close friend of mine is married. We all have lots of social meet ups with just us 4, and with other friends too.

When we are sober, me and friends husband don't speak much at all, when we do it is immensly awkward and always about the kids as we don't know what else to say.

When we drink alcohol it is completley different. Always making fun of eachother and having great banter. I have noticed we are keeping eye contact longer than usual now. He would always put an arm around our other friends, even when around their husbands (this is usual of all of our husbands, we are all really close and laid back about this). He never once put his arm around me, never had any touching.

BUT.

The day before christmas eve, me, my friend and the husband in question went to the pub (we live on a military base so knew most of the people there). I got upset at something unrelated and walked off and he followed and we had a deep chat. The rest of the night was weird, he worked behind the bar for a bit and didn't let me buy a drink, eye contact was insane. I'd be dancing and he would be looking over even though his wife was in a different direction. He put his arm around me, then I noticed we would be stood arm in arm regularly, he seemed to be pulling me closely towards him. He waked past me and brushed my hip with his hand, would hold my hand to take me to the dance floor through the crowd. He kissed my forehead when hugging me goodbye.
But also throughout the night he would be kissing his wife in front of me.
I made a joke about my husband being lucky to have me on his quiz team as he won, and the man in question replied "he's lucky in many ways".

Then yesterday (christmas day), I went to their house for evening drinks. Again the eye contact and banter was huge. I walked in with another of our friends. He hugged me, again kissed my head, then hugged my friend but no kiss (I noticed he kissed my head and wanted to see if it was just what he does to everyone or just me?)

Basically I have no idea if he is flirting with me or just being friendly, and confused why we don't speak when sober.
I do find him attractive, and if i'm being fully honest, I most likely do flirt with him when drunk.

I'm spending new years eve with them also, and our friends and my husband and I just want to know whats going on.

OP posts:
VisaGeezer · 26/12/2022 22:08

Most people know that there are loads of men in the military who would fuck a crack in a plate, and are only as faithful as their options. It's par for the course.

Not sure why you're not aware of it.

snowbellsxox · 26/12/2022 22:08

He probably just wants to sleep with you for the thrill. Dirty man.
If you are thinking like this you shouldn't be with your husband.

Pondere · 26/12/2022 22:09

I can see why you don’t have many friends, as you clearly don’t know what a friendship entails.

And as for your husband and children, is this attention really worth destroying their world for?

Get a grip.

TwinsAndTiramisu · 26/12/2022 22:12

Cringing is the exact word.

OP is so much of an attention seeker, she's not only proud, but encouraging drunken gropes...with someone who thinks she's not even worthy of conversation if he's sober.

PP has it when they say, oh, you're "that" wife.

Your poor husband. You're making an embarrassment of him more than you.

Barkin2themoon · 26/12/2022 22:14

You’re a piece of work , ffs , Really ? Crawl back !

Barkin2themoon · 26/12/2022 22:16

Under the rock you belong under

CorrodedCoffin · 26/12/2022 22:17

I think the real question here is “do you WANT something to be going on?”
I’m going to assume “yes” or at the very least you seem to love the attention you’re getting. I have guy friends that get a little flirty when drunk, and I’m certainly more talkative and outgoing when drinking, but I think you’re still capable of telling when a line has been crossed. And I think you may be asking if this line is being crossed for the wrong reasons. You don’t seem offended by it. So if you think he might sincerely be putting the moves on you then you have decide whether to spurn or return those advances, and whether it’s worth throwing two marriages away for. Especially if neither of you can hold a conversation with each other sober.

IncompleteSenten · 26/12/2022 22:18

What you are really saying is you've got a huge crush on him and you are hoping he feels the same way

Hawkins001 · 26/12/2022 22:19

CyprusLiving · 26/12/2022 20:11

So, I am married. A very close friend of mine is married. We all have lots of social meet ups with just us 4, and with other friends too.

When we are sober, me and friends husband don't speak much at all, when we do it is immensly awkward and always about the kids as we don't know what else to say.

When we drink alcohol it is completley different. Always making fun of eachother and having great banter. I have noticed we are keeping eye contact longer than usual now. He would always put an arm around our other friends, even when around their husbands (this is usual of all of our husbands, we are all really close and laid back about this). He never once put his arm around me, never had any touching.

BUT.

The day before christmas eve, me, my friend and the husband in question went to the pub (we live on a military base so knew most of the people there). I got upset at something unrelated and walked off and he followed and we had a deep chat. The rest of the night was weird, he worked behind the bar for a bit and didn't let me buy a drink, eye contact was insane. I'd be dancing and he would be looking over even though his wife was in a different direction. He put his arm around me, then I noticed we would be stood arm in arm regularly, he seemed to be pulling me closely towards him. He waked past me and brushed my hip with his hand, would hold my hand to take me to the dance floor through the crowd. He kissed my forehead when hugging me goodbye.
But also throughout the night he would be kissing his wife in front of me.
I made a joke about my husband being lucky to have me on his quiz team as he won, and the man in question replied "he's lucky in many ways".

Then yesterday (christmas day), I went to their house for evening drinks. Again the eye contact and banter was huge. I walked in with another of our friends. He hugged me, again kissed my head, then hugged my friend but no kiss (I noticed he kissed my head and wanted to see if it was just what he does to everyone or just me?)

Basically I have no idea if he is flirting with me or just being friendly, and confused why we don't speak when sober.
I do find him attractive, and if i'm being fully honest, I most likely do flirt with him when drunk.

I'm spending new years eve with them also, and our friends and my husband and I just want to know whats going on.

From my analysis, if you offered to take him to bed, he would jump at the chance.

pilates · 26/12/2022 22:20

Glad to see you have made some friends op but you are getting off flirting with their husbands. Disgusting behaviour.

CurlUpAndDye · 26/12/2022 22:21

Azandme · 26/12/2022 21:57

Oh god, you're "that wife" on the patch 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️.

Having lived behind the wire for YEARS and seen this sort of crap up close, I can assure you people HAVE noticed, and will be talking about you. And, although it's unfair, the lads (and some of the women) will be saying he's just being friendly, and you're falling over yourself. Or they'll be muttering that you're both disrespectful bastards. You're a forces wige, you should KNOW the person who will take the most shit for this will be you.

You're being a shit friend, and in that environment where wives often only have each other, the same group is VERY unforgiving of women who cross the line with someone else's husband. You are risking your reputation, your husband's reputation (and career if he loses his shit and batters his "mate"), your friendship, your friend's marriage. You're also risking someone noticing and being reported to Welfare - then you're all in with Wrlfare, if it goes far enough, the serving partner is in with the CO, records are written, and one couple potentially gets posted. All because you are both crossing boundaries, and YOU haven't drawn your own. You are risking so much for a pathetic, teenage, flirtation. You shouldn't be asking what is going on - you should be STOPPING it stone dead.

If you can't keep yourself far enough away from him to prevent any touching, and you can't help yourself returning that eye contact, then you have no business socialising with them.

You're ill on New Year's Eve. And for every event involving drinking going forward. Or you can risk being yet another of the forces marriages that implode, and the gossip of the camp.

I've been in civvy street 12 years. I can still name the people who crossed the line, tell you what happened, and what the consequences were. Fuck this up and it WILL follow you to every subsequent posting, because someone at the next one always knows someone at the last one.

Sort yourself out, fgs.

This in spades.

Wake the fuck up. It's not romantic, it's not sexy. It is grim.

And you will be the one shunned and shamed, not him. He will get his fuck and you will get fuck all.

Get yourself sorted.

MrsMorrisey · 26/12/2022 22:23

Azandme sounds like she knows what's she talking about.
Listen to her, not your fanny.

LoveReallyHurtsWithoutLube · 26/12/2022 22:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MsDogLady · 26/12/2022 22:27

Cyprus, please don’t be disingenuous about your faithless, disloyal agenda.

You’re choosing to join this Player in the humiliation of your spouses and children. And you’re greatly diminishing yourself. Are you this desperate for illicit attention?

Give yourself a shake and distance yourself from this guy. Cut out the alcohol and the flirting, bantering, deep chatting, embracing, extended gazing, touching, and dancing.

Your H, children, and ‘close friend’ do not deserve this utter disrespect and callous disregard.

WallaceinAnderland · 26/12/2022 22:27

So he only fancies you when he has his beer goggles on. That's more than a little embarrassing OP.

Konfetka · 26/12/2022 22:28

FFS, pull yourself together.

AnaBannanna · 26/12/2022 22:30

Jesus Christ leave the poor man alone!

Charliehaus · 26/12/2022 22:33

It’s a troll
people taking this seriously 😅

DatingDinosaur · 26/12/2022 22:36

Aww, c'mon OP. You know exactly what's going on here. You can't describe it in that much detail and be oblivious.

Looking forward to your next thread "Did I cheat on my husband" where you go into explicit detail about shagging this guy.

BirdyWoof · 26/12/2022 22:38

You know fine rightly what’s going on.

A lot of PPs have covered the main points, so I don’t need to reiterate that. But one thing that really fucks me off is when some women somehow lose all ability to read a situation and play dumb to garner attention for themselves. You know what’s happening. Yet you’re still coming on here with this huge sense of faux naivety which is nauseating.

You aren’t a teenager. This isn’t romantic. It’s sleazy and dirty.

Do your husband, your friend, and all of us a favour. Don’t see them on NYE. Cut contact with him entirely. Ignore his existence. You’re right at the point of it going from slightly inappropriate to hugely devastating, don’t let it go there.

And to clarify- yes, you can easily stop this before that happens. It just requires you to re-find your morals and act like an adult.

CadburyCrunchy · 26/12/2022 22:42

@CyprusLiving you clearly want an affair and you're excited about it... he wants the same and you know it... you sound like a teenager with a crush wondering if he fancies you...

I want to tell you to grow up and wise up but you obviously have made up your mind and won't listen so go ahead and cause destruction and heartache all round as that's the reality isn't it?

Just be aware that he doesn't really 'want' you, he just wants to use you for sex as he knows you're up for it and nothing else... he sees you as easy...

Carlycat · 26/12/2022 22:45

Absolutely pathetic
Most guys will shag a crack in the fence
Stop drinking
Buy a vibrator
Get some self respect
And some decency ffs

EmilyGilmoresSass · 26/12/2022 22:45

Carlycat · 26/12/2022 22:45

Absolutely pathetic
Most guys will shag a crack in the fence
Stop drinking
Buy a vibrator
Get some self respect
And some decency ffs

This 😅

Toohardtofindaproperusername · 26/12/2022 22:47

You want to know whats going on? For real? Talk to your husband and ask him what he thinks ... . That might help you wake up.

terrichild · 26/12/2022 22:48

He wants to have sex with you and if that happens after he will go back to treating you as he does all the other females in the group. How old are you? Do you seriously think it’s anything more than lust? Haveing been a military wife and knowing how females are viewed by the average military man then you are beyond naive if you think it’s anything other than what I’ve described!

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