Is there something going on with me and a friends husband?

[CyprusLiving]

So, I am married. A very close friend of mine is married. We all have lots of social meet ups with just us 4, and with other friends too.

When we are sober, me and friends husband don't speak much at all, when we do it is immensly awkward and always about the kids as we don't know what else to say.

When we drink alcohol it is completley different. Always making fun of eachother and having great banter. I have noticed we are keeping eye contact longer than usual now. He would always put an arm around our other friends, even when around their husbands (this is usual of all of our husbands, we are all really close and laid back about this). He never once put his arm around me, never had any touching.

BUT.

The day before christmas eve, me, my friend and the husband in question went to the pub (we live on a military base so knew most of the people there). I got upset at something unrelated and walked off and he followed and we had a deep chat. The rest of the night was weird, he worked behind the bar for a bit and didn't let me buy a drink, eye contact was insane. I'd be dancing and he would be looking over even though his wife was in a different direction. He put his arm around me, then I noticed we would be stood arm in arm regularly, he seemed to be pulling me closely towards him. He waked past me and brushed my hip with his hand, would hold my hand to take me to the dance floor through the crowd. He kissed my forehead when hugging me goodbye.
But also throughout the night he would be kissing his wife in front of me.
I made a joke about my husband being lucky to have me on his quiz team as he won, and the man in question replied "he's lucky in many ways".

Then yesterday (christmas day), I went to their house for evening drinks. Again the eye contact and banter was huge. I walked in with another of our friends. He hugged me, again kissed my head, then hugged my friend but no kiss (I noticed he kissed my head and wanted to see if it was just what he does to everyone or just me?)

Basically I have no idea if he is flirting with me or just being friendly, and confused why we don't speak when sober.
I do find him attractive, and if i'm being fully honest, I most likely do flirt with him when drunk.

I'm spending new years eve with them also, and our friends and my husband and I just want to know whats going on.

Well, that was ridiculously embarrassing to read.

Yeah. Everyone else in that pub will have noticed what they were up to and know that OP must be Chris's Debs and the friend is Dave's Vicky because Debs and Dave were nauseating everyone else with their unresolved sexual tension / adolescent pawings.

Clearly you are totally irresistible to this man, he can’t keep his wedding vows because you are so amazing. Shame your own husband can’t see you for the shit partner and friend you are - encouraging this and loving every minute.

OP what will you even do knowing that he is flirting with you? Do you want an affair?

I hope your very close friend rips you both a new one. In public.

I bet you're glad this is an anonymous forum, OP. 🤮🤮

Did you notice his eyes lingering too long over your 34D breasts before moving down your size 10 body?

How embarrassing are you?! oh my goodness everyone there will have known what was going on.

You know exactly what you're doing but I'll bite anyway....

Omg op he blatantly likes you. Probably loves you. I bet you're gorgeous, and dance so well! This is the start of a beautiful love story 🥰🥰

OR he's a sleaze who cheats on his wife and has spotted you as yet another easy lay

OR it's all in your head and you're actually quite sad and lonely. Sorry x

It’s OP that fancies him. We don’t know what he thinks of her (could easily be OP is reading far too much into whatever she thinks is going on).

What about her being a shitty wife?

You want to know what’s going on?!

You know perfectly well what’s going on. You are flirting with each other in a big way.

You are a rubbish friend. He’s a rubbish husband. You are both probably bored (life on military bases is boring).

Stop it now and find some other way to prop up your self esteem.

A "deep conversation" was a thing my friends and I had at school when we were about 15.

You fancy him and he fancies you. Either do something about it, or don't. But whatever you decide to do, it isn't a gushy, wonderful, exciting, overwhelming thing. It's two people who are responding to a biological urge to shag. What happens as a result of that is your responsibility and his.

Not judging, btw, as I have been there and done that, but I am not sure I recommend it.

Hmmmmmm 🤔

1. You're a crap friend
2. The bloke is a git. He only wants a shag.
3. You love the attention
4. Where's your husband in all this?
5. Stay away from alcohol, you can't handle it
6. Don't socialise with them any more, you're a 2-faced cow

You're a shit wife and a shit friend.
Let's say you have sex when you are both pissed on NYE. I hope your friend and husband both find out. Bear in mind that a man who acts like that in front of his wife is a bastard, and should you ever kid yourself you have a future with him, he will most definitely do the same to you, and you will deserve it. Don't be an idiot.

You will be an absolute pariah on the base if you don't nip this in the bud. Seriously. You need to stop drinking and take control of yourself or you will get to the 'finding out' bit after the fucking around very quickly and it will not be fun. Buy a vibrator, read some Mills and Boon, get a hobby - anything but this!

Probably best to stay sober for a bit OP.

Never do anything you wouldn't do in front of you husband. Grow up a bit and tell your bloke you need his attention.

Sounds like neither of you can handle your drink well and I'd suggest not drinking around him and make more plans without him if it's going to make you so confused and not know what's going on.

I don't get how eye contact can be huge or insane, is this a NT thing or just weird dramatic writing? I'm leaning towards the latter, but I'm not reliable with eye contact.

Yeah, it can be fun if someone new is giving you attention and you think someone is flirting with you, and you may be bored or have something going on in your marriage, or whatever reason, but whether this guy fancies you when he's drunk or is just more affectionate when he's drunk - we're only seeing it from your perspective - think about what you want and do things accordingly. You're already risking anyone who seen any of this thinking you're shagging, and if you that happens, no one is going to think it was a drunken mistake. Plan some nice time with your husband away from this guy and let this pass.

Does it matter if there is a spark between you?

Surely as an adult who has a doubt about whether there's chemistry you'd be a decent wife and friend and quickly put some boundaries in place?

As everyone has put it here. I think you find well know what you are both doing and I have no doubt in my mind you probably fancy him already. This definitely is the start of an affair merging. For your own sake and your poor DH and your friend, stay away from this guy and try stay sober. What's next, you sleep together when your drunk and then use the excuse you were both drunk and it was one time. If you love yourself, your DH and friend then stop flirting with her husband and go flirt with your husband instead. Don't entertain him.

How awful for his wife and your husband- half the camp are probably gossiping about his/your behaviour already.

Oh god, you're "that wife" on the patch 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️.

Having lived behind the wire for YEARS and seen this sort of crap up close, I can assure you people HAVE noticed, and will be talking about you. And, although it's unfair, the lads (and some of the women) will be saying he's just being friendly, and you're falling over yourself. Or they'll be muttering that you're both disrespectful bastards. You're a forces wige, you should KNOW the person who will take the most shit for this will be you.

You're being a shit friend, and in that environment where wives often only have each other, the same group is VERY unforgiving of women who cross the line with someone else's husband. You are risking your reputation, your husband's reputation (and career if he loses his shit and batters his "mate"), your friendship, your friend's marriage. You're also risking someone noticing and being reported to Welfare - then you're all in with Wrlfare, if it goes far enough, the serving partner is in with the CO, records are written, and one couple potentially gets posted. All because you are both crossing boundaries, and YOU haven't drawn your own. You are risking so much for a pathetic, teenage, flirtation. You shouldn't be asking what is going on - you should be STOPPING it stone dead.

If you can't keep yourself far enough away from him to prevent any touching, and you can't help yourself returning that eye contact, then you have no business socialising with them.

You're ill on New Year's Eve. And for every event involving drinking going forward. Or you can risk being yet another of the forces marriages that implode, and the gossip of the camp.

I've been in civvy street 12 years. I can still name the people who crossed the line, tell you what happened, and what the consequences were. Fuck this up and it WILL follow you to every subsequent posting, because someone at the next one always knows someone at the last one.

Sort yourself out, fgs.

Ohhhh you're in Cyprus!

In my years there I saw a fair number of wives sent off island, back to the UK married unaccompanied, for this type of thing. It's the nature of Cyprus - you start doing stuff that takes service personnel's focus off the j9b, you go home. Alone.

And EVERYONE will know.

I'm cringing for you, and amazed you're being so fucking dim.

Is something going on? Yes, your friend’s husband is trying to work out if you are up for giving him a drunken blowjob out back by the bins. Sounds like you are 👍