Is there something going on with me and a friends husband?

[CyprusLiving]

So, I am married. A very close friend of mine is married. We all have lots of social meet ups with just us 4, and with other friends too.

When we are sober, me and friends husband don't speak much at all, when we do it is immensly awkward and always about the kids as we don't know what else to say.

When we drink alcohol it is completley different. Always making fun of eachother and having great banter. I have noticed we are keeping eye contact longer than usual now. He would always put an arm around our other friends, even when around their husbands (this is usual of all of our husbands, we are all really close and laid back about this). He never once put his arm around me, never had any touching.

BUT.

The day before christmas eve, me, my friend and the husband in question went to the pub (we live on a military base so knew most of the people there). I got upset at something unrelated and walked off and he followed and we had a deep chat. The rest of the night was weird, he worked behind the bar for a bit and didn't let me buy a drink, eye contact was insane. I'd be dancing and he would be looking over even though his wife was in a different direction. He put his arm around me, then I noticed we would be stood arm in arm regularly, he seemed to be pulling me closely towards him. He waked past me and brushed my hip with his hand, would hold my hand to take me to the dance floor through the crowd. He kissed my forehead when hugging me goodbye.
But also throughout the night he would be kissing his wife in front of me.
I made a joke about my husband being lucky to have me on his quiz team as he won, and the man in question replied "he's lucky in many ways".

Then yesterday (christmas day), I went to their house for evening drinks. Again the eye contact and banter was huge. I walked in with another of our friends. He hugged me, again kissed my head, then hugged my friend but no kiss (I noticed he kissed my head and wanted to see if it was just what he does to everyone or just me?)

Basically I have no idea if he is flirting with me or just being friendly, and confused why we don't speak when sober.
I do find him attractive, and if i'm being fully honest, I most likely do flirt with him when drunk.

I'm spending new years eve with them also, and our friends and my husband and I just want to know whats going on.

<munches popcorn 🍿 until deletion message pops up>

Your post makes you sound like you're not old enough to be married. Stop being a knob. You're both grim.

If you don't want to be with your husband, leave him.

If you are actually friends with his wife, stop day dreaming about shagging him.

Knob.

You dont sound horrified that your very close friends husband is flirting with you - a married woman.
Instead you sound excited & that you are also interested in being unfaithful & already flirting back with him.

How would you feel if the roles were reversed & your best friend & your husband were flirting with each other in front of anyone.

Why does it only happen when drunk you ask = Like others have said - lots of men when drunk are happy to grope anyone that's up for it & not so keen in cold light of day

if he's trying to crank it up a notch with you then he's probably trying to crank it up a notch with other people too. i wouldn't have thought you're the only one.

don't be flattered by it. he sounds like a complete dickhead to be flirting with you.

You both sound grim.

He sounds like a sleaze. And you sound frankly pathetic. All excited because you got a bit of interest from the local sleaze...but only when he's pissed. It's a no thanks when he's sober. How embarrassing.

Also, it sounds like both couples have kids.

This doesn't ever end well for them.

I've lived in that 'goldfish bowl' environment - not a services' quarters, but overseas compounds full of expats working for the same employer.

It's a small, insular society, & it takes approximately 24 hours or less for everyone to know that Adam's mum was getting her bum stroked by Bella's dad on the dancefloor last night.

If you must shag the husbands of your 'friends', don't do it after an evening of disappearing off together, leading each other by the hand to the dancefloor, & public 'eye contact' over the bar.

Nip out & bonk the maintenance guy instead, or something...

Honestly, you know what's going on. Basically someone who doesn't think you're even worth conversing with when he's sober, thinks you will be up for a quick shag when you're drunk. Its not a compliment, it's not romantic, its really really insulting. Get some boundaries up quickly before you make a spectacular mistake that can't be undone.

I see you e posted before about struggling to make friends on this base!

Seriously, if you think you were lonely then, life will be unbearable if your friend and husband realise what you're up to.

You're self sabotaging in a big way!

Grow.Up.

The pair of you are disgusting.

Knock it on the head before innocent parties get hurt.

Back off fast, don't get drunk around him if you can't trust yourself to engage your brain and behave.
You can bet others on the base will have already noticed and the rumour mill will be grinding, you're building nothing but misery for yourselves and your spouses.

I'm sorry but you're a shit friend and even worse wife. There is nothing to figure out. It's obvious it's not love, he's up for a shag when you're drunk. What's so exciting about that?! There are loads of men like that, why be flattered by it?! Don't drink next time, and stay away from him.

You are awful, as is he. Poor friend and poor your husband

You have to shut this down right now. Don't be alone with him, don't contact him outside of group chats, don't hold his gaze, don't hug or kiss foreheads or whatever.

other people have noticed for sure. You will destroy your life doing this and on a military base, possibly your husbands career as well if it gets properly out of hand.

Stop. Right now.

Yes, something is going on. You're trying to start an affair with your friend's husband.

Jesus fucking Christ. Have you not read this back to yourself and thought that you sound like a twat?

Would not be inviting you anywhere else if I was the friend.

If I was your friend, I'd knock you tf out.

Stay away from her husband 🤷‍♀️ pretty simple really.

Yes something is going on and i would suggest you stop entertaining the fantasy. You are already dancing close to the boundary lines and he won't hesitate to take it further if you so much as entertain it. Is it all worth risking hurting two families? You currently have enough awareness to notice things are progressing into a situation that is abnormal for married couples. Now you need to use that awareness to make the correct decision and that will mean staying sober around him.

What do you think will happen or want to happen?

How do you really think this will end once you’ve shagged him?

“A very close friend” - Jesus Christ

Really dislike this thread. You sound like a giddy schoolgirl with all the eye contact crap.
You are massively encouraging whatever the heck is going on, which makes you a pretty crap friend and wife.
Nip it in the bud now

What she said⬆️

What were you hoping people would say? "It sounds like true love. Go for it. You can't be held to blame for your actions and both partner's hurts, because it sounds like you have a real, true connection with this guy. You're soul mates".

This is vomit inducing.

Your poor friend and husband.