Dating Thread 237 - Wintertide Warmth Support & Festive Frolics and

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

Merry Christmas one and all. Thanks for all the support and dating wisdoms...

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Definitelycross

oh they pop up !
my ex (who didn’t text me nearly enough last Xmas and we split )
is texting me more this year 🙄

I’m finding this midlife single parenthood and the divorced dads and their Xmas so interesting

it’s just so SO different to my almost 48 years of very ‘normal’ family xmases

I’m with the kids 😬 my blessings 😬

ones off to casino
ones at a party
ones with his kids and his ex !
and ones flown miles and is staying in a hotel to see his kid
ones just staying home and Netflix and eating

Merry Christmas to everyone, hope you all have a great day tomorrow.

I am feeling a little guilty as Mr Cherry is spending Christmas alone. I have dd1 home from uni and dd2 so it would be awkward for them to have a stranger here, i also have my father over. I am going to see him on Boxing Day and am taking over some food for him, it’s the best I can do. Things have been going really well after a slow start, i am looking forward to the new year and hopefully spending more time with him.

That’s wonderful @Lovemusic33, merry Christmas.

my fourth Christmas with Mr B and he’s away with his DC and I’m here with mine. This suits me fine: absence makes the heart grow fonder I believe, he’s very sweet in his messages

Eeeeesh @bunsnroses1 that must have been shocking and hard to witness. I'm so sorry. Did you leave without him and not return his texts? Did he give an apology of any kind? I guess it doesn't matter now he's a sleaze and you found out sooner rather than later.

I had a cool sleepover night with MrCars (date 8) - another gorgeous meal cooked by him then a quaint country pub with his mates a nice couple - I had an instant immediate strong affinity and connection with the woman of the couple in a way that has happened twice in my life before and both times the women turned into being one of my Top 3 best mates. So that was ace.

He did a couple of things that weirded me out - drove too fast home down narrow windey country lanes even though I said I was feeling anxious as the passenger. Totally triggering for me as my XH did the same for 20 years and talked over me a few times on purpose it felt like he was annoyed I'd interjected. I'm going to mention both. When we're next together

The sex was hot, plentiful and very rude but there's still something niggling me about attraction levels. Bizarre really as I find myself sooooo tactile with him and putty in his hands but to look at he doesn't make me go phwoar.

I dunno. I'll keep data gathering and see how things go. He's meeting a couple of my pals next week.

Sorry to be a dampener but decided to split with Mr Serb last night after a sequence of triggering events. I realised I have let the dynamic get too like the one with my ex. The events are too outing because the combination (hobby related) would be revealing to anyone who knows us but it relates to him being unreliable and emotionally unavailable. I was upset because of some things that happened -very unusual for me as am always cheerful/positive -and the one time in our relay of over a year that I just needed a cuddle and tiny bit of support he just made an excuse to go off somewhere and expected to meet up later (and was then over an hour late).
Was not intending to see him today as he is with his kids and his ex - also triggering as I have supported him with his anxieties that derived from their relationship and helped yo firm s healthier dynamic with he. He wants to meet up on Boxing Day but I will be with my kids then. Awkward as we have NYE and NYD plans with mutual friends and the disentangling will be embarrassing so will go through the motions until then.
Ex is playing the emotional blackmail card to make the (young adult) kids stay with him on Xmas day but luckily have good friends and will do some outdoor hobby activities with them but really just want to get through it…
Hope y’all have a good day and thanks so much OP for these threads which are a sanity saver xx

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss sounds like a fun night but don’t like the sound of what you said about the drive down the lanes and talking over you. I think stay on your guard and look out for anything else like this.

Hope you are ok @JangolinaPitt, take it as easy on yourself today as you can.

JangolinaPitt

oh no
xmas really does cast a light on these things

why I don’t know
But it does

im having the same and it’s like the scales have been lifted off my eyes
selfish and doesn’t have my back

So sorry!

Merry Christmas everyone ❤️

I've not posted on here for a while. Thinking of everyone who is juggling kids or maybe not seeing them.

I've not seen my eldest DD since January after her mum decided to sit her down and share why we had separated (from her point of view obviously!!). We have been in sporadic contact by WhatsApp but she's not read any of my messages since the beginning of December. My youngest DD is with me this morning but then going to her mum's. I'm lucky that my mum has invited me for lunch.

That is wonderful. I think he appreciates very much you taking care of the fact that he’s alone. But it’s too early to mix with your family. Next year will be a wonderful time for you two. I remember you were unsure about dating him when you started I think. So this is just brilliant development and you enter the new year happy and secure. Enjoy Christmas lovely

As opposed to most of us divorced mums …we are mostly at home with our kids I think. We are also grateful for that 🥰

As it should be I think. Enjoy Christmas Day and roll on year 5 🥰. Being in love ( or not for the lovely ladies that are seeking )and thinking positively about next year is great really

There are always niggling things at the beginning ( and later on too) the important thing is that you discuss it with him. There is solution for that but he needs to know. That would also trigger me for the exact same reasons.
You are meeting his friends too and that looks fabulous.
Sexually you are quite aligned too. If the sex is great, there has to be physical attraction there Oncey
Just see how you get on as times go. I totally get you not going phwoarr. And I don’t know what’s the answer to that. I’m back with MrEx and no one I dated made me phwoar like he does. It’s a fact. I think Mr Arty made you phwoar but in the end that was not a good a match. It is possible to fall in love with someone that doesn’t make you think phwoarr though

Jangolina…have a bit of a breather today. I think Serb needs to sit down and listen to your issues. He doesn’t know he’s doing things wrong or like your husband. Please talk to him before doing anything hasty.
If there is no agreement to adapt after it then so be it. Sometimes we have to ask for a cuddle when we feel vulnerable. But we’ve been so rock steady and strong while they were going through their stuff they end up taking us a bit for granted emotionally. I’m also a sunny optimistic one as opposed to drama loaded Mr Ex. We have discussed this at length now and I think it’s important I am listened to. We are always here but you are in love with Serb and love deserves a bit of comms.
think a bit and we are all here rooting for you and Serb

This is the thing though…many after awful divorce and kids in the middle go into selfish ways. I’m not sure they realise how painful it is that we a
ways have their backs but don’t feel supported enough at times. I am going to be boring and say the same thing… communicate. It’s worth a try. Balkan and Serb are very important for you and Jangolina. And you both are in love with them clearly

Sorry to hear that. With kids…it is difficult. Time is a great healer. Merry Christmas and enjoy time with your mum too

Thank you 😊

I've just got to come to terms with the fact that she doesn't want anything to do with me and for my own sanity I need to put the ball in her court and tell her I'll be here if she decides in the future she wants me in her life.

@teesguy So sorry to hear about your eldest DD. I have a friend going through a similar thing so I have learnt from her how hard it is. Stay strong. Time will make it better.

For me this is my first Christmas since I moved out of the family home. And with no family in the UK, I hadn't anticipated how hard this time of the year would be for me. I just want 2023 to come so that I can start living again. I'm spending Christmas with exH and DC in the old family house and one positive thing is that this is the first Christmas Day in 17 years when I am not in charge of everything. I did yesterday (Christmas Eve is the day of celebrations where I am from).

I'm learning a lot from everyone here and your experiences. Thank you 🙏

If anyone needs a festive cheer up
(suspect most of us !!)
watch motherland Xmas special on iplayer

i found it lovely and so many of the Issues we all have pop up

Merry Christmas everyone.
I've just started lurking on here after being dumped a few days ago.
Long story but we'd been together 18mths. The only date I'd ever had from Bumble.
We'd made plans to move in together etc but he just decided he'd had enough. No discussion.

Feeling a bit angry and hurt atm. But I'll get over it.

Back to lurking now.

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss Except for the too fast driving, this all sounds great to me. Someone that grows on you (and with amazing sex!) is great for something lasting. But, of course, that phwoar thing is what we all want (I certainly want it will not budge on that this time!). Just enjoy what you have now and see how you feel later on.

Don't feel guilty about Mr Cherry. Despite all the craziness this time of year, it's really only one (or two) day(s) we're talking about here. You're busy and your reasons are valid. You'll spend the day with Mr Cherry tomorrow and many more next year.

It is a difficult time for most because we take stock of the year and our relationships or singledom status. Is it irreversible? If you were thinking of living together…what happened ? You seem to be doing ok anyway. Lurk all you want and Merry Christmas to you