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Original poster

Man I'm seeing has 3 children with 3 different mothers. Red flag?

536 replies

tinderexplorer · 20/12/2022 06:29

I have been on 2 dates with this man. He is 36. He has dropped a bit of a bombshell and I am not sure how to proceed. He has 3 DCs with 3 women. He said he has good relationships with each DC and loves them. They are 12, 10 and 6. I did not press him about why the relationships he had with the DCs mums didn't work out. I am now wondering what has gone on with his prior relationships. I also wonder if the DCs were planned or not. I thought there was potential after the first date but not I am not sure. It's put me off him a bit honestly.

OP posts:
Beachsidesunset · 20/12/2022 10:09

Red flag? Bunting, more like.

MingeofDeath · 20/12/2022 10:09

To have multiple children with multiple partners smacks of being irresponsible, and feckless, especially if there is not much of a gap between children. There are exceptions of course but they are exceptions.

Schnooze · 20/12/2022 10:10

I’d run.

Ursuladevine · 20/12/2022 10:10

LucyAnn35 · 20/12/2022 10:06

I don't, I'm married. I've dated other men casually that I've not introduced my kids to.

Show quote history

Mind boggles how you have the time with four kids of which three of still very young.

and so these men that you have dated that have never had an issue with you having four kids with 3 men… have never met your children and you have only dated them causally.

So essentially…. They’re just words in a casual dating scenario. And how many men are we taking about here?

Eatentoomanyroses · 20/12/2022 10:11

Ha! Nope. Those hills are for you, dear.

SommerTen · 20/12/2022 10:12

I know of a man like this. And guess what, all his exes are allegedly crazy psychos hmmm.

Gronkle · 20/12/2022 10:14

I have an ex who when we got together had been married and had 2 kids to 2 different women, neither of them being his wife. Speaking from experience... RUN!!

(I got out after 6 years, no marriage and no kids, thankfully!)

Mexicola · 20/12/2022 10:15

It would put me off. My husband has 2 children with 1 woman and dealing with her alone was enough without the dynamics of dealing with 3 ex’s and arrangements, logistics, money, making holidays fair etc.

I just don’t see why men and woman feel the need to have children with multiple partners. Meeting someone new doesn’t automatically mean you have to procreation with them.

SirMingeALot · 20/12/2022 10:15

SommerTen · 20/12/2022 10:12

I know of a man like this. And guess what, all his exes are allegedly crazy psychos hmmm.

Aren't they always!

GloomyDarkness · 20/12/2022 10:16

They are 12, 10 and 6.

That only a six year gap between them all - plus many years of either his time and money going towards his kids or not - neither is great from new DP perspective.

I'd be wary - certainly wouldn't think long term DP to set up home with for at least another 10 years - but it if you want something causal depends on his time allocation but sounds like a lot of potential let downs.

But yes doesn't sound great TBH - though DH cousin had baby with a three time divorcee and he's stuck around so far and is a good dad even when she had server pnd though only one wife had previous kids and they got on but has been clear no more marriage for him - cousin was 41 and I think it was one of those now or never situations.

MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 20/12/2022 10:16

Unless you have a desperate urge to be the 4th in his harem I'd say yes that is a red flag. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is the very definition of madness. This guy has form for knocking women up then walking out. Why on earth would you choose someone like that, aren't there any childless men out there?

echt · 20/12/2022 10:16

Careless with his cock sums this one up.

Avoid.

It hardly matters what attitude you have to contraception, it's his attitude that speak volumes.

Catflapping · 20/12/2022 10:17

I dated a guy with 3 children by 3 different women once. Gave him the benefit of the doubt and actually had some lovey dates with him, came back to mine once, refused to wear a condom, told him to get out my house! He turned up on my doorstep a few times begging for me to change my mind, very odd.

fruitbrewhaha · 20/12/2022 10:18

If he is any good as a father he wouldn't have time to date you. So, I wouldn't bother.

SirMingeALot · 20/12/2022 10:18

echt · 20/12/2022 10:16

Careless with his cock sums this one up.

Avoid.

It hardly matters what attitude you have to contraception, it's his attitude that speak volumes.

And tbh if he's that bad with contraception, I'd wonder at the back of my mind if there might be any more out there.

Gistbury · 20/12/2022 10:19

Yes!

lightand · 20/12/2022 10:21

It never ceases to amaze me how low some womens' standards are, for a man.

Pansypotter123 · 20/12/2022 10:24

That's the three that you (and he) know about.

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 20/12/2022 10:25

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

fuckwhatshouldido · 20/12/2022 10:28

On another thread you started you say your DP has 3 kids AND you already have 3 kids from a previous relationship

@Ursuladevine he also has a stepson from his marriage who he still sees regularly but I left that bit out as it wasn’t hugely relevant to the OP. And yes, I do also have 3 kids. If you look back through my posting history you’ll see I fell pregnant by accident at the start of the year, had a miscarriage and then haven’t been pregnant since. I wasn’t saying I was intending to have any more kids, just using it as an example of how someone could be in that situation and not automatically be a deadbeat.

WhirlyTwirly · 20/12/2022 10:29

OP I’m sure everyone else has said this but please, please, please don’t get involved with this man. His relationships broke down for a reason. Most likely he is an abusive arsehole.

My ex now has two DC with two different people. He got me pregnant on purpose to try to trap me and then the bad treatment started - slowly, slowly things got worse. It took me 3 years to finally realise things weren’t right.

Tempyname · 20/12/2022 10:29

Red flag. Our DD got involved in similar situation, not with our blessing, turned out to be violent. Two families isn’t far fetched these days, three no - something has to be wrong with either him or his judgement. His time and money will be stretched permanently (assuming he supports them) and you’ll feel like bottom of the queue (or next in line to be dumped).

RaRaRaspoutine · 20/12/2022 10:32

is he Nick Cannon?

Badger1970 · 20/12/2022 10:34

A decent father wouldn't have time for dating if he's sharing 50/50 custody with the mothers of his DC..........

CrispyEgg · 20/12/2022 10:35

It would put me off.

The casual dispersion of his dna, the 3 exes, 1 child soon to be a teen. It’s a big no from me.