Man I'm seeing has 3 children with 3 different mothers. Red flag?

[tinderexplorer]

I have been on 2 dates with this man. He is 36. He has dropped a bit of a bombshell and I am not sure how to proceed. He has 3 DCs with 3 women. He said he has good relationships with each DC and loves them. They are 12, 10 and 6. I did not press him about why the relationships he had with the DCs mums didn't work out. I am now wondering what has gone on with his prior relationships. I also wonder if the DCs were planned or not. I thought there was potential after the first date but not I am not sure. It's put me off him a bit honestly.

As a totally random derail; whereabouts are you from?

My dd is now saying "oh my days" because she watches a YouTube channel where the girls say that constantly - which is both funny and weird because we're in Northern Ireland and never ever say "oh my days", it's just not a phrase we use.

I'm wondering which region's idioms she's appropriating. They should a bit Midlands/almost Birmingham (?)

*They sound a bit Midlands/almost Birmingham (?)

That's some potent sperm

Has op even returned once?

I think she's caught feelings and the replies gave not been what she's wanted to hear.

Not really ... Most men in their 20s/30s (and even beyond) could produce 3 kids in 6 years with their partner; it's just the fact he's done with with three different women that makes it stand out.

Missed my point there!

That op needs to double up contraception, of that he's a good sperm donor potential candidate if she wants that?

*or

Let's be blunt. Most of us on here would judge a woman with 3 kids by 3 dads. We're just not saying it because there are a couple on this thread. Once you've had a couple of kids by a couple of dads, maybe spend your time looking after them and don't make any more?

So you don’t 🤷‍♀️

This

It's only a red flag if he has a history of cheating OR if he doesn't see any of the kids now or pay child support.

However, not wanting to go out with a man who has to pay three sets of child support is reason in itself to not want to be with someone tbh. And that's not unreasonable.

By any measure he's messed up in a big way. Anyone who takes him him'on is becoming part of what I can only imagine is an absolute chaotic mess of a life for this person and would be dragged into an existence of juggling kids and little else. Why would you do that to yourself.

It's only a red flag if he has a history of cheating OR if he doesn't see any of the kids now or pay child support.

If he does see them then that's three other people/families to make plans round - if he is spending any measurable amount of time with each child then is that's going to be a huge chunk of his spare time - which leave the OP with what's left.

Time outside work is also - like money a finite resource.

If it was three kids with one ex it would be easier to organise around - as it's then just two parents - here there are already 4 adults - 4 households to organise around.

I expect gets his latest squeeze to do all the heavy lifting, work out the logistics of getting one kid to his and the previous kid back home, organise activities and birthday parties, feed them and keep them entertained on his weeks . . . you know - all the "wife work".

I have given the matter some thought and upon reflection, I've decided to bin him off. As others have said, I would effectively be playing fourth fiddle. I don't want that. It's a bit unfortunate as I liked him until he mentioned the 3x3 bombshell.

Well just remember how much can you like someone after 2 dates? They are all on their best behaviour…

Probably for the best.

Even in the best case scenario that he's a genuinely involved parent and isn't looking for a woman to offload his responsibilities to, it's not a good idea to involve yourself in that if you're not completely fine with it. The logistics alone would make a relationship quite challenging. And if he's actually a crap father with a string of kids behind him that he doesn't take much responsibility for, you don't want to hitch your wagon to that.

If my acquaintance who got involved with and pregnant by a man with 3 kids by 3 mothers (the third being pregnant, child not born yet) is anything to go by; you'd just become 4 x 4.

Also to be practical, unless he's a v high earner, a quarter of an apple isn't much for your kid/s.

There's no mention in the OPs posts of any of the women having multiple children by different fathers is there? Not sure why it's necessary to deliver your 'advice' to any women who may be in that situation on a thread about a man?
You must also see a difference between being left to bring up the children of three different men, and leaving three different women to bring up your children, so its entirely irrelevant to the matter at hand.

If you'd read the whole thread you'd have seen that the subject came up several times in the context of whether it is double standards to judge men who do this but not women who do this

If you even have to ask this question, you need massive amounts of work on your self esteem.

A man with one child would be an absolute no go for me, let alone 3 kids by 3 women!

It would indeed be double standards if we judged a woman who had children with multiple men, each time leaving the child with their father and moving on, differently from the man in the thread. But as far as I'm aware, there has been no mention of a woman behaving this way. Double standards can only be claimed when comparing like with like.

If a woman had 3 kids to 3 men and was bringing them up herself, any sensible man would give her a wide berth because she has poor judgement.

It would be a major turn off for me, but to each his own. Just please don't end up being baby mama number 4.