Man I'm seeing has 3 children with 3 different mothers. Red flag?

[tinderexplorer]

I have been on 2 dates with this man. He is 36. He has dropped a bit of a bombshell and I am not sure how to proceed. He has 3 DCs with 3 women. He said he has good relationships with each DC and loves them. They are 12, 10 and 6. I did not press him about why the relationships he had with the DCs mums didn't work out. I am now wondering what has gone on with his prior relationships. I also wonder if the DCs were planned or not. I thought there was potential after the first date but not I am not sure. It's put me off him a bit honestly.

I wouldn’t get involved with him. Not out of any judgement, but because I couldn’t be arsed with all the rigmarole involved with 3 kids, 3 mothers, the finances and the different contact arrangements (assuming he is a responsible father). Who needs that?!

This.

My eldest daughter was 20 when she found such a Prince 3 kids 3 women. Whatever I said she didn't entertain he was 8 years older than her . My daughter is now baby mama 4 mý grandchild got to 1 and a half and he started the same thing he must have done with the rest of them and they split .He got with someone else really quickly and guess what ????? She's already got 3 kids as well. Do your self a favour and leave it alone the one thing My daughter doesn't miss is 3 sets of contact as it was her the kids got dumped on every weekend but she was too young and in loooove to put her foot down. Her boundaries are a lot clearer now !

He doesn’t see women as life long partners but as baby mamas. He won’t do 50% of the cleaning, or caring because his relationships are one sided- others give and he receives.

Conversely My sil is a single mum to give (same father) and men won’t date her as it’s too much baggage. And she did nothing wrong except get left.

Sounds like a hell of a lot of baggage.

Move on!!

An entire Jamboree of red flags.

You've had two dates - if I were you I wouldn't have a third.

No but fact that you already have 3 young children is kind of relevant!
@Ursuladevine true but not necessarily relevant to OP! Without derailing too much, while the miscarriage was sad it was also very much for the best at the time, hence why I’ve not been pregnant again since! And tbf our situation was also somewhat different as we’d been friends for years anyway and neither of us were looking for a relationship. I think if we’d started from scratch, not knowing each other and just doing the dating thing I’d have run a mile - too much baggage!

Kate Winslet doesn't have four kids by four men. She has three by three men. Like Kate Hudson.

The 'imagine if he was Kate Winslet!' comparisons are daft anyway. Of course someone who is wealthy, attractive and successful will have an easier time dating. More resources around so money isn't spread as thin, nannies etc. Most people would overlook it with a gorgeous famous rich actor. Not so much Dave down the road who can't seem to wear a condom/make a relationship last longer than a couple years.

Some people are just Captain Save-a-Ho (men and women) and love the idea of swooping in and rescuing someone, 'taking on' a brood of kids and feeling superior because they'll be praised for it by society. How often do you hear 'he/she took him on as their own' said with pride? Usually younger, inexperienced people or those without as many options. It's fun for some people to play house with a few kiddies if it's new to them and makes them feel grown up. Reminds me of teenagers talking about their 'partner' of a couple months rather than boyfriend or girlfriend because they feel it makes them appear to be grown up and established.

Well I don't know if it speaks badly of his character or not, it might do, or it might not, it's case you case basis with these things.

But putting that aside.... that's three separate amounts of CSA/his income going to other households. That's a problem if you ever want to join a partnership with him. Also If you'd like a child with him.

Says good relationships may not be the case, and if you become the fourth 'other half', these may change over time.

Steer clear, be as polite as you can about ending it.

It would be a hard no from me. Way too much baggage.

My friend got with a man who had 6 kids and 1 on the way, all with different women.
They were all under 12 and the youngest was less than a year old.

She got pregnant before the 7th was even born.

I don’t know how he did it but he must have loved bombed them because he moved in after a couple of weeks of meeting and she was cooking, cleaning and looking after his kids whilst he was at work or out with mates.

Although I judge him for having 8 kids with 8 different women (probably more by now).
The women also have to take some responsibility.

God, Throw him back in the sea

I think people should only be able to have kids with one person. It all gets too messy otherwise - as we often see on here. People might choose a bit more wisely if that were the case.

Easier to stop now would be my view

I would run away!

If I were you, OP, I’d just be thankful that I found out so soon, instead of after you were number 4 and he’d moved on to number 5.

"I don’t know how he did it but he must have loved bombed them because he moved in after a couple of weeks of meeting and she was cooking, cleaning and looking after his kids whilst he was at work or out with mates."

Very disturbed woman with unresolved issues around her father / abusive childhood to do the above in my opinion.

More red flags than a CCP military parade held at Chinese New Year after a marinara explosion.

If you want your future to ever contain kids, do not have them with this man. And even if you don't, I'd be wary. He obviously jumps ship the second things get remotely difficult for him.

Nope, he must either be a complete idiot or immensely egotistical to scatter his seed so recklessly.

Dump immediately.

Ex BiL is like this. Gets bored when babies come along. Gone by the time they turn two.

Ex BiL ‘says’ he’s a great and involved dad. He’s not. He’s a poor excuse for a father. My niece is his eldest and he never paid a penny in child benefit - but told other people he did. She’s 20 now and can see for herself what we hoped she’d never have to know.

Would people say the same about a woman who had 3 kids by 3 different men and didn’t have custody of any of them? No, they’d say much, much worse.

Imagine the constant drama with 3 baby mammas around

Imagine the constraints of 3 visitation schedules

Imagine the fortune he must spend on child support

No way in hell I would get caught up in all of that...

Tricky.
Either he's stepping up & actually doing all that, & kudos to him if he is - we don't know the backstory of his relationships & whether he "hit the road" or it was hit for him - but either way it's a non-starter for any woman assertive enough not to volunteer to be UnpaidKidSkivvyInWaiting -
OR, he's not stepping up, so an arsehole who any woman with decent standards in her choice of menfolk needs to reject.

It's fine to feel 'put off' OP. Remember - you don't owe new dates anything bar courtesy & honest dealing. It's ok to tell him you are looking for somebody more able to commit the time you'd want to share with them if a relationship came about.

Tbf you’re right, prioritise wasn’t the right push back as yes, NRPs should do that.

what meant was that your post implied you’d be looking for him to de-prioritise them and ensure your kids got all his money and them none

i see what you meant was that you’d never go near him in the first place as this isn’t reasonable.