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Original poster

Who pays for the window broken by snowball?

183 replies

Toloveandtowork · 16/12/2022 21:30

Wondering if anyone can offer advice.

My son, 11, and his friend, also 11, were out playing in the snow a few days ago. They threw snowballs at a neighbours window and my son's friend broke a window pane.
Cost £125 for repair.

The friend's mother paid for it, and knocked on my door today and asked for half the money. This was the first I heard about this incident as my son didn't tell me.

I spoke to her son earlier and he said it was him that broke the window.

There is ring doorbell evidence of the boys walking past and the sound of smashing glass.

Should I pay?

If I had plenty of money, I'd rather pay and keep the peace. However, I'm going through a very though time financially and don't even have enough for Christmas. Nothing bought yet and an unexpected £60 is not what I need now.

OP posts:
Newpuppymummy · 17/12/2022 07:42

Yes I would pay but your son is 11 so old enough to know better. I would get him to pay at least half through pocket money or savings if he has any

AlecTrevelyan006 · 17/12/2022 07:46

She’s done well to get it repaired so quickly

and before you pay ask to see a copy of the receipt

BabyFour2023 · 17/12/2022 07:47

You need to pay and teach your son not to throw snowballs at peoples windows 🙄

SamphiretheTervosaurReturneth · 17/12/2022 07:47

Toloveandtowork · 16/12/2022 21:55

Thing is, if it was son my that broke the window, there is no way I'd be asking the other mum for half the money. I'm not sure it would even cross my mind.

It wasn't cumulative damage. It was one hit at that particular house. They walked and threw. My son said the friend made the snowballs too compact and threw too hard.

She's chasing me for the money now. I have told her I will pay, I'm just stalling a bit more while I get some advice on here.

What do you want to happen?

Do you want your son to carry on without being taken to task for throwing snowballs at peoples houses?

Does it matter more to you that he wasn't the one that threw the snowball that did the damage than the fact he could have been and his mate was just unlucky - this time?

This is how kids learn. I know you said you didn't want any help with the morality of this, but it was, to use the language already introduced here, joint enterprise regardless of whose hand did the damage. That's a really valuable lesson to learn.

You need to pay her half and then work out a way for your son to feel every penny of it. Remember he didn't mention this to you at all. He knows he was in the wrong - even if it, this time, it wasn't him who broke anything.

CPL593H · 17/12/2022 07:49

Toloveandtowork · 16/12/2022 22:42

They were both throwing snowballs as they walked past a row of terraced cottages. It was random throwing, not even one for every cottage.

I bet you'd have been thrilled if someone else's old enough to know better 11 year old had decided to "randomly throw" a snowball at your house and broke a window. They were clearly aiming at the cottages not having a fight with each other, your son was very much involved, you should pay (and make sure he repays you, somehow)

Singleandproud · 17/12/2022 07:50

If this was my DD I would expect her to pay out of the money in her bank account from previous birthdays / Christmases. Actions have consequences and I don't expect her to be throwing snow balls at people's houses whether it was her ball that broke the window or not.

If she didn't have the cash then she would get less presents for Christmas to cover the cost and/or do chores to work off me paying it for her.

RenoDakota · 17/12/2022 07:52

Of course you have to pay. Both the little fuckers were throwing snowballs and it was pure chance which one of them delivered the 'fatal' shot.
And you're not the only one short of money at the moment. The other mother might be worse off than you are.

girlmom21 · 17/12/2022 07:53

Everyone up in arms about being anti social! Christ, accidents happen! Doesn’t mean it was malicious. Even if they were throwing them without due care, it doesn’t mean to say that they intended to bust someone’s window.

Throwing anything at someone else's property is antisocial. They're old enough to consider the consequences of their actions. Windows don't break without cause.

IncompleteSenten · 17/12/2022 08:03

I would pay.
I would also hit the bloody roof that my son was doing something like that. Throwing things at people's windows is yobbish behaviour and I'd stamp on that shit hard.

PaulaTrilloe · 17/12/2022 08:04

Get your son to pay his friends mum in installments. I'm sure she will let you know if he doesn't keep to the payment plan of £3 a week. He needs to do jobs to eann this

euff · 17/12/2022 08:04

Like you if it was my DC I would have probably paid the whole thing and not have thought to ask the other parent. I wouldn't be thrilled that she's asked but I would pay half as they were together and both doing it rather than your DS saying they shouldn't and not being happy with it. I would make sure I had a record of d the payment and what it's for.

If it was my Dc I would be expecting them to apologise to the homeowner and taking a little something too.

As pp said maybe it could come from his own savings if he has any. If not could he do something to make up for it have some time away from the other kid if they are doing things they shouldn't together.

IncompleteSenten · 17/12/2022 08:04

girlmom21 · 17/12/2022 07:53

Everyone up in arms about being anti social! Christ, accidents happen! Doesn’t mean it was malicious. Even if they were throwing them without due care, it doesn’t mean to say that they intended to bust someone’s window.

Throwing anything at someone else's property is antisocial. They're old enough to consider the consequences of their actions. Windows don't break without cause.

Exactly.
They were throwing things at someone's house.
That is unacceptable.
It actually doesn't matter whether they intended to break a window or not.

Theconceptoftime · 17/12/2022 08:08

I would get your son to go and apologise. I don't think it is your responsibility to pay for another child's mistake just because your child was there. If the damage had been done by both of them then yes, but it wasn't. The damage was done by his friend. An apology in person for simply being with the friend whilst this happened would be enough.

ItsNotReallyChaos · 17/12/2022 08:11

FWIW OP I can't get my head around why so many people here are adamant you should pay half. Your son didn't break the window.

missingeu · 17/12/2022 08:14

Your son should pay, he should also write an apology letter to the house involved. The money should come from him via you. How's it's paid is up to you.

I would be livid if that was my son.

SamphiretheTervosaurReturneth · 17/12/2022 08:15

That's really not the point! He was behaving badly. Anti social behaviour, sheer stupidity. How the hell else to kids learn that their actions can have consequences?

purpledalmation · 17/12/2022 08:24

Morally I would pay if they were both throwing snowballs at the window legally I wouldn't if the other boy did the damage. However under real English law it would be joint enterprise as they were both in it together but as the police are not involved you can't say this. It is criminal damage so on balance I'd pay. Pay in instalments from kids pocket money

clpsmum · 17/12/2022 08:37

missingeu · 17/12/2022 08:14

Your son should pay, he should also write an apology letter to the house involved. The money should come from him via you. How's it's paid is up to you.

I would be livid if that was my son.

It wasn't her son though that's the point

clpsmum · 17/12/2022 08:37

I wouldn't pay it wasn't your son that broke it.

clpsmum · 17/12/2022 08:37

ItsNotReallyChaos · 17/12/2022 08:11

FWIW OP I can't get my head around why so many people here are adamant you should pay half. Your son didn't break the window.

Same

clpsmum · 17/12/2022 08:38

IncompleteSenten · 17/12/2022 08:03

I would pay.
I would also hit the bloody roof that my son was doing something like that. Throwing things at people's windows is yobbish behaviour and I'd stamp on that shit hard.

Kids throwing snowballs is hardly yobbish behaviour. Did you thoroughly think through every single decision and the consequences when you were a child

tigger1001 · 17/12/2022 08:39

"Flee with the crows get shot with the crows". Both boys were throwing snowballs. It was just luck that it wasn't the op's son's snowball that broke the window. But if neither of them had been messing about, it wouldn't have happened.

Maybe your son will now think twice before throwing snowballs where they can cause damage.

The poor person who had a window broken in this weather! That's who I would feel sorry for.

HeddaGarbled · 17/12/2022 08:42

My mum has dementia. If someone threw anything at her window, she’d be frightened for the rest of the day and probably all night too. It’s not harmless.

user1494050295 · 17/12/2022 08:42

A friends son smashed the back of my neighbours bmw with a stick. All the kids were throwing sticks. I understand they divided up the cost as it could have been any of them

saleorbouy · 17/12/2022 08:44

Send your son out to earn money clearing people's driveways and paths of snow. He will learn that consequences have actions and that it's good to make amends and own up to your mistakes.
Just tell the other parent you are struggling for the £ but they will receive it.