If you had lost weight (real or theoretical for the sake of this thread) and a person who wasn’t interested in you before the weight loss now asked you out…..

[AmITooTired]

Would you want anything to do with them?

This is happening now to me.
And honestly, I can’t be bothered.
But my friend said I should be flattered and give him change.

I did back then have a crush on him, but me not being good enough at my old weight, but all of a sudden he’d like a date just put me off.

Many women don't particularly care about being 'admired' for our looks alone or 'desired' by men in general.

Most of us have more about us than that.

My husband shaved off a moustache a week before I met him. Had he still had that moustache I would never have gone on the first date. We have 2DD and been married 22 years.
You can’t see someone’s mind so you have to go with outside.

I wouldn't accept DH at any weight.
I thought MNers were into healthy assertion, especially for women. Basically don't do unconditional love for partners (or maybe anyone). Walk away from relationships that don't work for you. Can do that with kindness, but basically, don't stick out a situation that doesn't meet your own needs. You don't owe them that.

I don't think you should question yourself, though. You didn't need to ask us. You might have gone off him for other reasons with passage of time, anyway. Go hunting for other fish in the vast sea.

You didnt, but many, many people on this thread did. Noone is saying you must go out with him- its completely up to you to decide that, you arent obliged to go out with anyone. But the idea that your partner could become obese and you are supposed to just smile at it and think its fine no matter what the health implications, is ridiculous. Not only is it a serious health concern (both physically and psychologically) but it may well affect your attraction level. That does not mean you immediately dump them of course but it is something that you can talk about in a kind and supportive manner. Thats the entire point of a partnership and food addiction can be just as damaging as any other addiction because its about suppressing hurtful emotions. There is a huge middle ground between dumping someone and not saying anything at all.

Is he generally a nice person? If someone is actually only about looks I think that's usually pretty obvious. It sounds like you had been friend zoned due to lack of initial attraction. Now you've peaked his interest and he's reconsidered. This wouldn't upset me. A lot of people aren't attracted to someone who is overweight (I'm overweight myself).

But it sounds like you're not interested so I'd just decline then. I wouldn't be offended he likes you now that you're attractive to him. It's not like he was rude about your weight before.

Well, I like it! I'm not sure why it means I don't have much about me, but okay. It doesn't happen to me much so it's lovely when it does.

There has been few commenters who have said their partner have excepted them at any weight

I don’t think it’s unusual for partners to accept at any weight. However, if you don’t date him you are never going to be partners.

First attraction is different to established love.
My ex couldn't keep his hands off me at 20 stone, but when dating he isn't attracted to anyone above a size 16.

Yes, but this isin’t about first attraction.
We’ve known each other for years.
If I was actually someone worth dating (in his eyes to be clear, I’ve always liked myself) he woud’ve asked me out a long time ago.

A lot of women like it. As do a lot of men. Even those people who don't care very much would I imagine rather be considered nice looking than not given the choice. Human beauty like any other is a lovely thing. I'm not sure why we need to feel bad if we're pleased when some one sees it in us.

This!

I don’t think anyone should feel bad for wanting others to find them attractive.
It’s just something that has never meant much for me, so that’s why I’m not impressed.

But that being said.
To me equivalent compliment, flattering thing to is that they like my true personality, it takes me awhile to open up - and if someone want to see that and then appreciates it.
Even more if they want to spend those quiet moments with me…. now that would make me swoon.

It should be okey for everyone to want/need what they want/need.

From your updates it sounds as if you lost much of the weight because of 5 months of stress, where you were afraid for your family members but being there for them. You may have traded that weight loss for them being well, and things as they were before this period. He thinks it's all been positive and done for appearance's sake and because you wanted to.

I had a nasty time in my 20s where a combination of feeling very sad, and problems with wisdom teeth, led to becoming quite slim, unusual for me. Photos from that time instantly make me think 'Oh, wasn't I thin?' but the 2nd thought racing in right away is 'Yes, and you remember full well why.' It stings even now.

I think that would lead to the 'can't be arsed with his change of heart' feeling for me, too.

Only on MN is it seen to be a character flaw to notice someone's physical appearance when thinking of being in a relationship with them.

A flaw second only to being pleased to receive compliments on your appearance.

Many/most of the comments have been pro physical appearance matters, though….

So, I’m not sure if there is a reason to be upset.

I love my partner very much but if he'd had a mouth full of rotten teeth when we met, I wouldn't have fancied him and we'd never have become a couple. I might have liked his personality but I wouldn't have found him attractive. That doesn't make me a bad person. I just don't fancy people with rotten teeth

Ditto.

No but he didn't love you.

So, I’m not sure if there is a reason to be upset.

Who's upset? You?

For most people there has to be an element of physical attraction, yes. Which isn’t to say it’s the only thing cared about.

Were I single I’d be happy being friends with a lovely guy who is overweight with bad teeth, but would I be physically attracted to him and this romantically interested? No. I also wouldn’t be interested in a good looking guy with nothing else going for him. Not for a relationship anyway.

Looks may not be the only important thing, but they do matter.

No, not me.