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Original poster

If you had lost weight (real or theoretical for the sake of this thread) and a person who wasn’t interested in you before the weight loss now asked you out…..

146 replies

AmITooTired · 14/12/2022 19:00

Would you want anything to do with them?

This is happening now to me.
And honestly, I can’t be bothered.
But my friend said I should be flattered and give him change.

I did back then have a crush on him, but me not being good enough at my old weight, but all of a sudden he’d like a date just put me off.

OP posts:
Numbat2022 · 14/12/2022 19:03

Yes (years and years ago). He said he didn't recognise me when I pointed out he'd known me nearly 10 years as a friend of friends.

I laughed at him and wouldn't have dreamt of going there.

ReluctantLondoners · 14/12/2022 19:05

No, I don't think I would tbh. Weight can fluctuate and I wouldn't want to be with someone who only wanted me at a particular BMI limit

alittleadvicepls · 14/12/2022 19:05

I would. Then ghost him. But I’m petty like that.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/12/2022 19:06

No. because he's not a keeper.

Pregnancy, ill health, whatever, and you know he won't find you attractive.

Badger1970 · 14/12/2022 19:06

Ugh, I'd run a mile. You're the same person inside whatever your weight is.

lipstickwoman · 14/12/2022 19:06

Depends if you fancy him. I wouldn't be cutting off my nose to spite my face, I'd be patting myself on the back and saying, hey go me!

Orangio · 14/12/2022 19:06

Totally depends if he knew you well or not. If he just knew you superficially (and didn't know your character) then he is only going on looks really, so it's more reasonable that he might have personal preferences for slimmer women. But if he knew you well, that's not great in my opinion, as he should see past the superficial to your character, which hasn't changed.
Is there a possibility you also have more confidence now? Confidence is often very attractive.

Numbat2022 · 14/12/2022 19:07

Numbat2022 · 14/12/2022 19:03

Yes (years and years ago). He said he didn't recognise me when I pointed out he'd known me nearly 10 years as a friend of friends.

I laughed at him and wouldn't have dreamt of going there.

Sorry, just realised my answer was confusing. Yes this happened to me. No I wouldn't want anything to do with them.

Squirrelgate · 14/12/2022 19:09

It depends, why is he asking me out now? Maybe he's only just plucked up the courage? If it's because I'm thin now then no I wouldn't go out with him! There are other reasons.

Original poster
AmITooTired · 14/12/2022 19:12

We are part of the same friendship group, so he does know me pretty well, definitely not just by face.

And bo I wouldn’t say weight loss boosted my confidence, I actually lost it first because there were lot of bad things going on, so stress made me loose appetite and after thing started to get little better, that’s when I chose to not to go back to weight I was and looked after myself a little better.
But yeah, I really wouldn’t say I carry myself any more better than I did before.

OP posts:
Original poster
AmITooTired · 14/12/2022 19:13

Squirrelgate · 14/12/2022 19:09

It depends, why is he asking me out now? Maybe he's only just plucked up the courage? If it's because I'm thin now then no I wouldn't go out with him! There are other reasons.

I truly believe it’s only because my weight loss, I sincerely doubt he was too shy to ask before - he’s not the type to shy around women.

OP posts:
Thelonelychicken · 14/12/2022 19:23

It's really common. I went from a size 20 to a 10 and friends and friends of friends that had no interest was suddenly lining up.

I didn't want anything to do with it. If/when I get fat again they'll be off. No thanks

Weekenders · 14/12/2022 20:06

Strangers on the internet aren't going to understand the dynamics of your friendship group better than you. It put you off so that's the end of it.

There are other circumstances where it might be different.

Withholdingvitalinfo · 14/12/2022 20:09

Not in a million years. In fact I’d delight in turning him down.

PainterInPeril · 14/12/2022 20:15

I'd raise an eyebrow and say, "Seriously? You wait until my weight has gone down to ask me on a date?!"

MandarinCat · 14/12/2022 20:18

AmITooTired · 14/12/2022 19:00

Would you want anything to do with them?

This is happening now to me.
And honestly, I can’t be bothered.
But my friend said I should be flattered and give him change.

I did back then have a crush on him, but me not being good enough at my old weight, but all of a sudden he’d like a date just put me off.

No. You know that if you put the weight back on he won't want you any more. He doesn't deserve you if you weren't good enough before.

SunshineAndFizz · 14/12/2022 20:19

Like it or not, we can't force what we find physically attractive. Someone might like blondes, for example, and suddenly see someone in a different light once they dye their hair. Just one of those things.

Same with personalities. Me and my DH joke we'd have never got together if we'd met 5 years earlier.

If you like him and he likes you, go for it.

Sarahcoggles · 14/12/2022 20:31

I don't understand why people are being nasty about him. He's done nothing wrong. You're his friend, he clearly likes you, but when it comes to physical attraction, he prefers slimmer women. Now you're slim he finds he fancies you as well as liking you. What's wrong with that?

Only on MN is it seen to be a character flaw to notice someone's physical appearance when thinking of being in a relationship with them.

I love my partner very much but if he'd had a mouth full of rotten teeth when we met, I wouldn't have fancied him and we'd never have become a couple. I might have liked his personality but I wouldn't have found him attractive. That doesn't make me a bad person. I just don't fancy people with rotten teeth.

Freezingfreda · 14/12/2022 20:34

I wouldn’t because the pressure to remain slim forever would always be in your mind. Not always easy.

ReluctantLondoners · 14/12/2022 20:37

SunshineAndFizz · 14/12/2022 20:19

Like it or not, we can't force what we find physically attractive. Someone might like blondes, for example, and suddenly see someone in a different light once they dye their hair. Just one of those things.

Same with personalities. Me and my DH joke we'd have never got together if we'd met 5 years earlier.

If you like him and he likes you, go for it.

Exactly! So if a guy just can't help only being attracted to toned size 10s, I'd steer clear as a long term partner. Only as I know I won't stay that size forever. I wouldn't like to think his attraction to me may switch off if I gained weight and I'd hate that hanging over me.

If I just wanted something casual then that would be different though, so maybe it depends on what you want (and how attractive you find him)

Opentooffers · 14/12/2022 20:47

I think it depends on the amount of weight change to a degree. I can see it's off-putting if they've known you prior and never really bothered to talk to you, but it sounds like you have interacted a fair amount over the years. So you should have some added info that is useful to know when dating, such as personality traits being compatible. I'd take how you get on into consideration. I'm likewise not attracted to overweight men, so sue me, we all have a type.

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 14/12/2022 20:53

Arrange a date. Somewhere posh.
With a carpark.
Stand him up and watch from your car him stood there.
What a cunt.
He doesn't deserve you op..

Original poster
AmITooTired · 14/12/2022 20:54

I do understand the attraction part, I do.
Personally man has to have a good hair, I’m not attracted to reciding hairlines or bald men, but difference is that if I know a guy and he was bald and went to get hairplugs - I wouldn’t go ask him out now that he fits my criteria all of sudden.
That would be so obvious and weird.

OP posts:
FloydPepper · 14/12/2022 21:00

What if someone likes long hair and only asks you out once it’s grown? Or likes beards so only asks a bloke out once they’ve grown one? Or the other way round? or any one of a hundred other ways to change appearance and someone now finds a person more attractive.

it’s only blokes and weight that are derided as selfish. Anything else is apparently fine

altmember · 14/12/2022 21:10

I guess it depends on the weight loss and what size you were before. I've got a very active life style and I wouldn't date someone who was unhealthily overweight. a) we clearly have incompatible lifestyles, b) the long term health implications.

Whether you like it or not, everyone judges everyone based on physical appearance. To me a very overweight person says they don't look after themselves, lack self discipline, lazy, over eat, aren't physically active etc.

Also on MN relationships - 15 pages about people having a height preference (a physical attribute over which people have no control). Is it wrong to have a preference for the vertical dimension too? www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4544647-would-you-go-out-with-a-short-man?page=1

On the other hand if you're talking dropping from a size 12 to a 10 then yes, that would be off putting.

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