If you had lost weight (real or theoretical for the sake of this thread) and a person who wasn’t interested in you before the weight loss now asked you out…..

[AmITooTired]

Would you want anything to do with them?

This is happening now to me.
And honestly, I can’t be bothered.
But my friend said I should be flattered and give him change.

I did back then have a crush on him, but me not being good enough at my old weight, but all of a sudden he’d like a date just put me off.

I don't think there's anything wrong with suddenly finding a person physically attractive after a change in their appearance.
I don't think finding the OP suddenly attractive is the same thing as finding her suddenly 'acceptable' against a certain standard either.
I don't think not being sexually attracted to someone who's body is not aesthetically pleasing to you personally is the sign of poor character, fat phobia or discrimination.
Had this man refused to be friendly with the OP, be seen with her, treated her less favourably, then yes. But not wanting to date her is a different thing entirely.
That said, I can understand not dating him on principle. I can also understand caution around a man who is only attracted to a certain body type.

I think there is a difference between someone putting on weight in a long term relationship and starting a relationship with someone who is overweight.
Presumably in the LTR they also love you.
Completely understand why you would bebout off though. Its a tough one that many people will see differently. Only you can really know

Okey, so put the theory that he realised he likes me while I was away to test and asked my friend (she’s my bf, if he wanted to know something about me when I was away it would have been her) if he asked about me.
Nothing.
He wasn’t wondering how I was or mention anything about me being away.

So there goes that.
I appreciate all the opinions, but it looks like I made the right decision.

But my friend said I should be flattered and give him change.

What is it with all these OP 'friends' lately?
Are they all from the same dick-pandering club?
The one where your entry qualification is a solemn vow that any man is better than no man?

Should be flattered ffs.
Sure, sure - because Being Wanted By A Man is something women ought to be grateful for. They need to show that gratitude by repaying the "flattery" with their instant attention & compliance.

Give him a chance ffs.
I bet if you dated him, & decided you were fine with putting on a stone or so, she'd be telling you to watch it, in case you lost out on the golden opportunity to be with man who only values you at a certain bodyweight.

Tell her to get to fuck.
She's worse than this dude.
SHE is meant to have your best interests at heart.
He's just a shallow twat you don't need to concern yourself with.

Really? You feel like the attention of shallow men is your 'reward' for getting fit?
I suppose the clue's in your user name ...

Good call OP.
My experience has been that all the boyfriends I had while slim turned out to be shallow, controlling arses. My husband has been with me fat, slim, fat again and now old to boot and I've never felt I've had to change to keep him happy.

Depends how much weight. If someone went from obese to average size then I wouldn't blame the guy for fancying her now. It's not shallow not to fancy someone very overweight.

But if we're talking getting shot down at a size 14 and then they're suddenly interested when you're a size 10, then they're a prick and should ve told to jog on.

The friend might have internalised misogyny that any man is better than no man attitude?

No, I wouldn't be entertaining him. Be happy in your own skin. Ok so we have to look after our bodies but we can't be killing ourselves to look good otherwise nobody will want me.....

Having a healthy BMI, great, that's all good but it shouldn't be a condition of how deserving of love we are.

Blimey.

Who said OP isn't toned?
Who said OP has loose skin?
Who said OP need to give a shit what men she doesn't want to date might think about her real or hypothetical body?

Oh! It was you, @Mercurian

Well done for getting straight to the point of the thread - it's not just OP's friend & this man who only value you for her body. Random PP who have never even seen her are judging her for her body too. Assigning value to her based on fevered imagination about what she might look like unclothed.

I was going to report your post, but on reflection feel it's better left in situ, so everyone can ascribe exactly the credence & respect to it, & its author, that you deserve.

I think it depends. I have recently lost a lot of weight, but it is symptomatic of more fundamental positive changes in my life and I am in a completely different place emotionally than I was a couple of years ago.
I have no doubt that I am more attractive now than I was then, and I am aware of more male attention, but it isn't necessarily shallow as I am happier, more confident and embracing life in a way that I haven't for a while...

Happened to me about 15 odd years ago. Lost weight and just met my now exh, and a guy who I poured my heart out to, who everyone jn my friendship circle was convinced had the hots for me, turned me down in such a spectacular fashion. I was probably a size 14. Not even big! I went down to a 10 within 6 months and suddenly he bumped into me and said WOW and kept asking if I had his number and wanted to me and kept saying how amazing I looked.

He found my number in his phone (I knew it was my old one as had just changed my number a couple weeks before) and he said he'd call me

I said yes! Please do! He was so happy.

Walked away with a grin. Heard on the grapevine he was getting in touch with my friends because he couldn't get through to me.
Made me feel amazing.

I dont care how much people say 'well sometimes that's just their personal taste', its bullshit. My DP now has adored me at size 10 as well as my current 14. I dont even know what my preferences are any more. I know DP turns me on no matter his weight or appearance. I personally believe 'taste' is only from afar. Pre first date or even getting to know someone. If you have to rely on those things once u know someone, then you're definitely a goner for me.

Cimone you clearly haven't even bothered to read the op's posts - click "see all" at the bottom left corner of any post by the original poster and you'll see why your post makes you look like someone completely lacking in reading comprehension.

I would feel the same. What if the weight went back on. I would have to be very much into him to put up with that.

I think I'd be flattered. But I wouldn't go out with him unless I actually liked him. And if you feel he's shallow and you're not really into him, then it's a no-brainer, surely?

I think I'd be flattered

Can I ask what there is to flattered by?

He likes you/fancies you. You clearly don't reciprocate but that doesn't mean it isn't nice to be admired or desired.

The thing is any man you meet from now on will be attracted to you as you are now (thinner) so the same could be said about them being shallow for every single one of them and this thing about them leaving if you put weight on is a possibility every time 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yep- this. So unless you are going to accuse every man who now asks you out of being horrible and shallow I don’t get the issue.

I had a male friend who lost a considerable amount of weight in his mid 20’s. It was transformational and he was absolutely gorgeous after the weight loss. He totally couldn’t understand why girls flocked to him suddenly. He had a lovely personality, I think as he’d always been nice and funny with no ego at all!!

In your shoes, I’d give this interested person a wide berth!! You know they’re only interested in the “new” you.

It means he’s quite shallow, yes that would put me off.

I personally wouldn’t be flattered. My value doesn’t come from if a man deems attractive or not, I believe so much of that is just societal conditioning and peer pressure. As a result I tend not to be flattered as such generally if a man is interested in me mainly On the basis of how I look. If he was a decent guy I admired and he said something about how kind or thoughtful I was I might be flattered.

I can’t judge a man for liking a slimmer woman but this guy would put me off as well. I have certain tastes in men but when it comes down to it I know what’s important so I’ve dated all types of guys physically speaking.

It’s strange but I’ve literally just realised there was a couple of men in my social circle who had ignored me romantically when I went through a heavier stage aged 20-22 but then appeared in my later 20s to like me. A decade later the penny has dropped 😂 (neither turned out to be very nice men btw)

Both of you could be right, but at least with new person I won’t know. With this guy, I already know.

There has been few commenters who have said their partner have excepted them at any weight. Thta’s what I’m looking for.
Once again, I already know this guy wouldn’t be it.

And btw, I have never used words ’horrible’ or ’shallow’.
I just want to be clear on that.
Those are words you used.