If you had lost weight (real or theoretical for the sake of this thread) and a person who wasn’t interested in you before the weight loss now asked you out…..

[AmITooTired]

Would you want anything to do with them?

This is happening now to me.
And honestly, I can’t be bothered.
But my friend said I should be flattered and give him change.

I did back then have a crush on him, but me not being good enough at my old weight, but all of a sudden he’d like a date just put me off.

If he's known you well for years and wasn't interested before then he's very shallow and dates people based on looks, in my opinion. Although as people have said it's not wrong not to be attracted to someone but I don't feel attraction should be based solely on looks and for me personally it definitely isn't. Looks don't last forever so personally I would never date him.
I have a friend who's the opposite way round to him, we are just friends but he's told me before, in conversation, that physically I'm not his type at all and when he first met he would never had considered me in that way but over the years after getting to know me he now finds me very attractive. We are both married and only friends, part of a group of friends, but just an example of the opposite of the guy your talking about

Surely this is nothing to with your weight loss and everything to do with whether you are interested in dating him? If you are attracted to him then go for it, if you are not then why would you?

I appreciate yours @PondintheRain and others comments that are like this

Isn’t it also possible that he recognised that he missed your presence, and found he had developed feelings for, or an attraction towards, you when he met you again?

Maybe I’m just really not that romantic or have such a strong faith in men 🤣
It could just be me of cource, seems just so far fetched and I’ve been chubby most of my life, so I fo know how overweight people get treated, so it’s too much of a coincidence to me.

The way you explain things, he might just see you in a completely different light. The weight loss might not be a huge part of it but he might have just missed your presence and now you’re back and you’ve lost some weight everything he might not have consciously realised has come to the forefront of his mind and he’s now attracted to you. Because you’ve not done the eight loss thing and anything other than a byproduct of your situation then it’s not been a big deal to you so I understand what you’re saying about the confidence thing…you’re just the same as you were a few months ago!

Sounds like it’s not been a massive weight loss either but something that’s enhanced your natural looks already…no different to having botox or hair done or anything else like that.

In this situation if it were me I’d probably give it a go I suppose.

Sorry to hear that you had been through a difficult time though, I hope things are better for you now.

I don't see much wrong here. He wasn't physically attracted to you before but is now. It's understandable- think of all the effort people put in to losing weight and one of the reasons is to be more physically attractive as well as the health benefits. If you like him, go on a date but it sounds like you are too put off now because he only finds the slimmer you attractive so unless you get over that, it probably won't work out. But whoever you date now. You'll never know whether they would have been attracted to the fatter you or not.

You don't fancy him now. Now is the only moment you have. If you start to fancy him that's different.

I wouldn’t describe myself as romantic-minded at all, but I’ve certainly developed a sudden attraction to someone I’ve known for a long time out of the blue.

But as a pp has said, isn’t the key question here whether you’re attracted to him?

If you want that genuine romantic love from first sight type of experience, this is not it.
Many people regain lost weight so he might not be around afterwards or you will always be insecure about it.
If you've lost a lot of weight your body naked is likely to have some loose skin, if his attraction is purely physical I think he will leave after seeing you naked.
It's ok to think X looks hotter now they've lost weight but to actually ask them out is very shallow. But most men are shallow. 💁

Physical attraction is a massive part of the initial stages of getting together with someone, if you like him otherwise then this wouldn't put me off - it doesn't necessarily mean he's going to up and leave if you put weight on in the future, by that point if you're still together then there will be a much deeper level of emotional commitment and connection there than just physicality.

I wouldn't have dated my DH if he'd been very overweight (not saying you were, but as an example) when we met, but we've been together 10 years now, I love the bones of him, and if he got fat now I'd still love and fancy him because we have 10 years of commitment to each other behind us. Similarly, I was a super toned size 8 when I met him, which undoubtedly was part of his attraction to me, but throughout our relationship I've also been a big size 14/16 and now I've settled at a slightly soft around the edges 10/12. He's fancied me and loved me through every size change, but if he'd just met me at a size 16 then I doubt he would have asked me out, which is fair enough.

I wouldn't date him if you're unsure otherwise, but it does feel like there are some double standards on this forum. There are swathes of posters on other threads proudly saying they'd never countenance a man with a below average (whatever their, usually skewed, version of average is) penis, something over which men have absolutely no control, and that's seen as perfectly normal and acceptable. A man dares to express a physical preference over something generally entirely controllable and suddenly he's a terrible human being and not suitable to date.

But dinner first, surely?

My vote is the fact you enjoyed things together as friends, then went AWOL for a while, during which time he realise he actively missed your company as you shared same interests and got on so well. Now you've reappeared on the social scene he's delighted and doesn't want to waste the opportunity to know you better.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder

I can get being attracted to certain traits. I also think it’s to do with how you hold yourself and eg if you’re really into eg doing sports you’re probably not a good match for someone who would think that was the worst thing ever.

Saying that if someone I knew was suddenly interested after I had lost weight I would not go for it as surely they knew what I was like as a person and that’s the most important in a relationship. He seems shallow.

I had this happen to me. After dropping from a size 12 to a 6.

We have been together over twenty years now.

The attention change I got when going down each size was mad, size 10 I was batting men off.
It's the same for them too though not as obvious.

But the really mad thing was the difference in how WOMEN treated me. They suddenly wanted to chat to me, compliment me.
Many people only see thin and good looking as worthy of their attention..

I’d think they were shallow and I wouldn’t be remotely inclined to go on a date.

This is such a tricky one! Tbh there are certain make celebrities who I associate with a certain body shape. Some I wouldn’t fancy if they put on weight, and some I wouldn’t fancy if they lost weight. Some I wouldn’t fancy if they lost their hair - or gained hair. But that’s just looks only. It’s shallow. Did he actually know you before, know your personality - did he dismiss you before?

I think I’d just tread carefully. There is a possibility there that he is shallow - I think you can only really tell if you get to know him better and you click though personality attraction - because that should trump all.

I've had this in the past - lost six stones and suddenly had lots of interest from men I'd known for years (about half of them married, so that was nice). I was still the same person so I can only assume that it was my size that was the issue before

I think I’d also reverse it a bit. Ask yourself if he lost/or gained a significant amount of weight - would you still consider a relationship with him?

🤣
And tequila!

I lost 7 stone nearly 3 years ago. I'm always puzzled by people saying women treated them better after weight loss because I noticed no difference at all with women I knew well, aside from some nice compliments, and that women I interacted with as a complete stranger or customer/ client (banks, shops, doctor's receptionist if I was the patient) were quite a lot less friendly and helpful after I lost weight.

Men who are strangers I interact with in passing in customer facing roles are more slimy sometimes 🤢 but actually men I know well are either no different or more distant. I'm in my very late 40s and wear a wedding ring, have been married for nearly 25 years so I'm happily not getting asked out 🤣😁

I can only put the fact that I actually think I'm being treated in a less friendly manner generally down to the possibility that as I lost the weight during the pandemic things have changed generally and people I knew very slightly (familiar faces at local shops etc.) are colder towards me because they simply don't recognise me. Though a few women a bit older than me who I'd never really talked to before have bucked the trend by being very friendly and asking how I lost the weight.

I was always confident and outgoing though, even when very obese. Maybe people prefer that from someone "larger than life" 😳🤔

But the really mad thing was the difference in how WOMEN treated me. They suddenly wanted to chat to me, compliment me.

It didn’t have a positive difference with women for me. I fell out with my closest friend at the time when I started to get a lot more attention than she did when we went out together, and she wasn’t at all happy about it.

it depends on how he treated me before. At the end of the day people have preferences, if i really liked a guy but wasnt physically attracted to him and then he changed to match my preferences then yes i would suddenly be attracted to him and interested in dating him.

Just like if my husband gained lots of weight annnd grew his really hair long i wouldnt find him attractive any more probably because those are 2 things i dont find attractive, I would still love him as a person because he hasnt changed i just wouldnt find him physically or sexually attractive.

Hmm it’s tricky. Was he single and you single for most of this time before or were you both with other people at different times?

I think it is possible to see someone with new eyes when you’ve had a break from them and then they look different when you next see them.

Can’t say it would bother me tbh. Physical attraction isn’t unimportant, at least in the initial stages of a relationship, and someone being a good person doesn’t mean you’re going to physically desire them.

However nice a person, I wouldn’t be attracted to a man that was overweight with no teeth. Equally I wouldn’t be attracted to a beautiful man with no personality. Looks being a factor does not mean they’re the only factor, it’s rarely either/or and it’s reductionist to think someone wanting to find a person attractive means that’s the only thing they care about in a partner.

Also, relationships grow, develop, and deepen. Caring about physical attraction initially does not mean that your partner changing as the years go by is going to lead to you no longer fancying them, or leaving them as a result.

But you’re a woman so you’ll get no criticism for this on here. A man, however, as is shown by lots of posts would be called all sorts