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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Feeling rocked by something that happened this weekend.

274 replies

DaisyDooxox · 12/12/2022 08:15

I have been with my partner for 8 months. Things have been going well and there is so much chemistry. We have occasional arguments, and we are very different people, so took us some time to settle into a happy medium.

At the weekend we went to his work Christmas party. I didn’t know anyone and I suffer from anxiety so I got very drunk in order to cope better.

I made a friend (his workmates wife), at one point in the night we went into the toilet together. She had drugs and I stupidly took them. I’ve never taken anything in my life and feel disgusted with myself.

As soon as I came back to the dance floor, he then asked me if I had taken drugs. He clearly knew that they were into that. Part of me wishes he told me this before so that I could have avoided the situation better. He knows that I have a very important career and that this would have made me feel full of regret, but didn’t say anything. I know though that this is my responsibility. He then went to take some.

Towards the end of the night, it was his mates that were looking after me and carrying me up to the hotel room. His mates holding my hair as I was being sick. He just sat there and watched.

I understand that this is ultimately my problem and I feel deep with regret today. Part of me has the ick over him not looking after me better. And this is making me question a lot. But we woke up this morning, he made me a tea as usual and de iced my car like nothing has happened. But this seems like a really big, disgusting thing to me.

He has asked me to move in with him in the Spring when his flat mate moves out. I want to be sure that he is asking me to move in for genuine reasons, not just a means to pay the bills in the cost of living crisis.

Any perspectives would be really helpful. Thanks.

OP posts:
AreOttersJustWetCats · 12/12/2022 10:39

An adult shouldn't need to be warned about drugs. An adult should be capable of politely saying "no thank you" all by themselves, if they don't want to partake.

Cinecitta · 12/12/2022 10:40

Yes you should move in with him so you can both be immature together under the same roof while taking drugs then behave the next day as if nothing happened.
What can I say? Similar people find each other.

BatshitBanshee · 12/12/2022 10:40

OP I've just read through all your previous threads. If you're at the stage where every couple of days you're turning to internet strangers to labour over the same issues in a short relationship then it's just not working.

You need to end the relationship and get some professional help, you absolutely need it. You sound emotionally immature and you're landing yourself in situations you don't want to be in - then blaming other people for being a bystander. You chose to be where you are now. Understand that.

Your previous thread asking about your partner watching porn; if you don't know where you stand with that and how you feel about it then you don't know who you are or what you want. You don't know what your own boundaries are. You've leapt from a very long relationship to this - you can't do that unscathed.

On this latest thing - you're shocked by your own behaviour and your own actions. That should tell you everything you need to know about where you've landed yourself in life. Leave the relationship and turn around now. Invest in yourself and no one else.

But for godsake OP actually start taking advice and action now, don't come back in a week when something else happens that you're inevitably unhappy about.

tara66 · 12/12/2022 10:41

If DP had told you to stop drinking after you had had, say 3 or 4 drinks, you would be saying now he was ''very controlling'' - but ideally that would probably be the best thing he could have done, before everything got out of hand. But did you know he took drugs before this? At least you found that out and can reconsider your relationship because of that.

Fairylightsandstuff · 12/12/2022 10:42

Going to go against the grain here!

He’s probably not acting like anything’s happened because she takes them hisself and does t think it’s a big deal, you said he went did it too so it can’t have been the first time 🤷🏼‍♀️

I think you’re beating yourself up too much, so you got pissed and did a line, don’t do it again it’s so addictive (don’t ask how I know 😬)

As for the ice, we’ll he hasn’t done anything wrong but really he should’ve been the one looking after you and I would protégés the same, but you do have to take responsibility for your own actions.

Fairylightsandstuff · 12/12/2022 10:42

Ick not ice!

Fairylightsandstuff · 12/12/2022 10:43

So many typos in my post actually but hope you get the gist!

chevvyroo · 12/12/2022 10:43

Hang on, he took drugs, not OP!

curiousbanana · 12/12/2022 10:44

Oh dear op. I just read your other threads, so much silly drama.

I think you should end this relationship and do some work on yourself.

Tigofigo · 12/12/2022 10:45

Agree that he probably had the ick at your getting hammered and vomming at his work party. Maybe it would have been nice of him to look after you, but the reason you have the ick about it is because you embarrassed yourself. Have you apologised to him?

He just deiced your car and made you a tea, seems like nice thing to do like he's trying to put the whole mess behind you.

Rookriver · 12/12/2022 10:46

Therapy would be a good idea.

girlmom21 · 12/12/2022 10:46

chevvyroo · 12/12/2022 10:43

Hang on, he took drugs, not OP!

She did then he did.

chevvyroo · 12/12/2022 10:46

chevvyroo · 12/12/2022 10:43

Hang on, he took drugs, not OP!

Oh no! They both took drugs. Sorry. In that case, a period of reflection is in order.

Whataretheodds · 12/12/2022 10:47

I agree witb @Carouselfish

We have occasional arguments, and we are very different people, so took us some time to settle into a happy medium.

This doesn't sound great tbh. What has been the issue?

OtterInABox · 12/12/2022 10:47

This clearly isn't the bloke for you. He's watching porn, taking drugs and you're clearly desperately trying to be 'cool' and do the same stuff.

You've only been together 5 minutes and you've got countless threads about him already.

Just gather up your self respect and dump him and then have a real think about what you want from a relationship because it clearly shouldn't be this

Prisonbreak · 12/12/2022 10:48

Narcissism wrapped up in one post ladies and gentlemen

BadNomad · 12/12/2022 10:52

I just read your other threads too. You're a primary school teacher. You know you will lose your job if you get caught doing drugs. If you can't control yourself or say no when in these types of situations, then you need to keep away from people who take drugs. That includes your boyfriend now that you know he takes them.

Dittosaw · 12/12/2022 10:53

You didn’t get caught
you weren’t assaulted
You realise your mistake

In this situation I would be very thankful that it’s not going to cause serious consequences, resolve not to do it again. You can’t stop people offering but you can stop yourself accepting. Learn to say no

girlmom21 · 12/12/2022 10:54

Prisonbreak · 12/12/2022 10:48

Narcissism wrapped up in one post ladies and gentlemen

Well it's not, is it.

Dreamsoffreedomjoyandpeace · 12/12/2022 10:54

I actually think he should have warned you that there would be drugs. By the time you were offered them you were too drunk to be responsible for your actions. Perhaps if you’d known, you wouldn’t have drunk so much.

I wouldn’t say it was his fault but I wouldn’t want to be around people who take drugs and think it’s normal.

hopeishere · 12/12/2022 10:54

You have the ick???

I bet he also has the ick...

WandaWonder · 12/12/2022 10:56

Dreamsoffreedomjoyandpeace · 12/12/2022 10:54

I actually think he should have warned you that there would be drugs. By the time you were offered them you were too drunk to be responsible for your actions. Perhaps if you’d known, you wouldn’t have drunk so much.

I wouldn’t say it was his fault but I wouldn’t want to be around people who take drugs and think it’s normal.

Too drunk to be responsible ones own actions? Really?

EmmaAgain22 · 12/12/2022 10:59

Sounds like a set up

your responsibility, yes. But alarm bells ringing for me that he sat and watched while you were ill.

I am not anti drug. i have seen a lot of odd behaviour though.

talk to him. If not a set up, he may not have helped because he was annoyed, but you need to hear that from him.

EmmaAgain22 · 12/12/2022 11:00

Dreamsoffreedomjoyandpeace · 12/12/2022 10:54

I actually think he should have warned you that there would be drugs. By the time you were offered them you were too drunk to be responsible for your actions. Perhaps if you’d known, you wouldn’t have drunk so much.

I wouldn’t say it was his fault but I wouldn’t want to be around people who take drugs and think it’s normal.

Oh give over. An adult is perfectly capable of handling this. Take what you want, when you want, that might be nothing.

itsthefinalcountdown1 · 12/12/2022 11:01

Part of me has the ick over him not looking after me better. And this is making me question a lot.

As politely as I can say this, grow up. It's not his responsibility to look after you when you choose to take drugs. I would have the ick over you if I was your partner. Taking drugs in the toilets at a party is disgusting. I wouldn't be holding your hair back either. How old are you?!