Feeling rocked by something that happened this weekend.

[DaisyDooxox]

I have been with my partner for 8 months. Things have been going well and there is so much chemistry. We have occasional arguments, and we are very different people, so took us some time to settle into a happy medium.

At the weekend we went to his work Christmas party. I didn’t know anyone and I suffer from anxiety so I got very drunk in order to cope better.

I made a friend (his workmates wife), at one point in the night we went into the toilet together. She had drugs and I stupidly took them. I’ve never taken anything in my life and feel disgusted with myself.

As soon as I came back to the dance floor, he then asked me if I had taken drugs. He clearly knew that they were into that. Part of me wishes he told me this before so that I could have avoided the situation better. He knows that I have a very important career and that this would have made me feel full of regret, but didn’t say anything. I know though that this is my responsibility. He then went to take some.

Towards the end of the night, it was his mates that were looking after me and carrying me up to the hotel room. His mates holding my hair as I was being sick. He just sat there and watched.

I understand that this is ultimately my problem and I feel deep with regret today. Part of me has the ick over him not looking after me better. And this is making me question a lot. But we woke up this morning, he made me a tea as usual and de iced my car like nothing has happened. But this seems like a really big, disgusting thing to me.

He has asked me to move in with him in the Spring when his flat mate moves out. I want to be sure that he is asking me to move in for genuine reasons, not just a means to pay the bills in the cost of living crisis.

Any perspectives would be really helpful. Thanks.

You’re in a bad place because you put a ton of gear up your nose and got smashed, now you have the fear, and instead of taking time to sort your shit out, you’re actively seeking to pursue a relationship with a man who apparently gave you the ick and suddenly doesn’t anymore and who’s a recreational drug user. This is a shit path for you.

Op I actually think you've combined too many things in the OP and based on reactions to that, are maybes getting the wrong take home message.

1. It is not his fault you took drugs. That's on you, completely. Not his fault, and you need to take responsibility. It soulds like u are doing, so well done.

1. He is not a Prince. Although it wasn't his fault, he uses drugs and that's probably incompatible with your life or values, or inability at the moment to say no.

1. You need to work on yourself. Your self esteem is shit and you are going to continue to make crap decisions.

1. Get a different therapist. If you are a teacher, you should get access to mental health help anyway. Make use of it

1. Be single. Learn to love yourself. Raise yourself up. Stop relying on someone else to do that for you. It sounds like you've absolutely had a shit time. Take time to recover. For your sake and any romantic partners.

1. This guy may be Mr right. He's not Mr right, just at this time. If hes the man you think he is, he will wait. Its in both of your interests to be the best version of you that's possible.

Look after yourself OP

It's astounding how many PP are so sanctimony-happy that they are ticking OP off for exactly the same drug-taking that her b/f indulged in ... then imagining he'd be pissed off about that.

And can't even read updates - he obviously doesn't have the ick. Look at his post-party behaviour. He's pleased his recreational drug use is out in the open now.

& poor naive OP thinks she can "not allow" him to take drugs in future ...

Please tell me you've at least got some thank you presents or something for his mates?

Do tell, wise Vipers of MN. 😂
What IS the perfect gift, that says "thank you for colluding with my b/f in giving me my first dose of class A drugs"?

🤣🤣🤣

Thanks guys. Here's some cocaine each as a little thanks for a great hit.

Wot, @girlmom21 - nowt from Boden?

Maybe it’s best to put the relationship on hold and try therapy again.

Oh jesus, it's a one off stupid incident. Don't drink to cope again and get on with life.

It was a one off incident and I would never, ever let it happen again. I’ve felt so rubbish over the weekend and very depressed about everything.

I have to say that I highly disagree with the posts about me having a drinking / drug problem. I’m not a drinker and have never taken any form of recreational drug. I think that’s why I feel so ashamed as I’ve reached 26 without ever doing that. I feel ashamed and so upset with myself.

As for my boyfriend, he’s 28 and said that he had done some drugs occasionally in his early 20s and that the weekend was the first time in a while. He said after taking it that he hasn’t missed them and found it horrible.

He really does have his life in order and works very hard. His friends who supplied the drugs appear like that too, they seem to be very intelligent, switched on and have children. It did feel quite normalised at the time, but has never been part of my life which is why I think I am in a bit of shock.

I was stupid, I feel a fool and I’d never do it again.

You have the 'ick' over him not looking after you properly when you got yourself hammered??

Have I just read that correctly?? If so, please get a grip and take some responsibility for your own actions pronto.

He says, he says, he says ...

You've been dating him for 8 months, usually seeing him a couple of times a week. You don't know him well enough to take him on his word.
You know druggies always minimise their reported usage, yeah?

But the drugs are a red herring, & you seem unable to accept that, & entirely focused in making yourself miserable enough over this man that you feel small enough to accept his shortcomings.

From your other threads about him:
He's domineering, dismissive, holds all the cards, & calls all the shots.
The fact that you think this is all you deserve is your problem.
The fact that you would rather distract yourself with the 'drug' of a relationship, no matter how poorly suited to you it is, than be single & work on the trauma from your previous relationship, & be happy in yourself, is your problem.

You problem is NOT that you inadvertently got hammered & off your tits on coke.

You need to let that go, & start getting help for YOU.
Do the work on yourself suggested by PP upthread. Follow those links, start taking care of your MH, dealing with your anxiety, & finding out who you are without a domnineering man (or mother) in your life.

Op what about all the multiple threads you have started in the past re this relationship and you not being happy about one thing or another?

Maybe he had the 'ick' with you!!

For the benefit of the majority of people on this thread who apparently can't read, HE TOOK DRUGS AS WELL FFS

OP you've made just under 20 threads about this relationship and you've only been together eight months. This should be the easy bit. The fun, easy bit where you don't have to says 'things are great but xyz' or 'he's a nice guy other than when xyz' or 'things would be perfect if he would just xyz'.

This many threads about the same relationship means that the relationship is fundamentally toxic and unhealthy, and / or or you aren't ready to be in another one yet as you didn't have enough time to heal from the last one.

Kettrickensmiled

He says, he says, he says ...

You've been dating him for 8 months, usually seeing him a couple of times a week. You don't know him well enough to take him on his word.

You know druggies always minimise their reported usage, yeah?

From your other threads about him:
He's domineering, dismissive, holds all the cards, & calls all the shots.

He’s not a keeper

DaisyDooxox , do you feel like you’re his equal?

Do you feel like you have the right to say anything that you feel and want from him? Or do you need to tread on eggshells around him, always being a little bit cautious about what you say ?

Oh my goodness I've just read your multiple other posts about this man! It's an 8 month relationship...It honestly sounds like you are the problem if you feel the need to write multiple posts about your partner at a time in your relationship where you should be carefree and having fun-in the honeymoon phase! Work on yourself. If I knew my partner was writing multiple posts about me to strangers online over an 8 month relationship I would be walking away and not looking back.

@monsteramunch OP you've made just under 20 threads about this relationship and you've only been together eight months.

20 threads and they’re not living together and still in the honey moon stage. It sounds toxic. Just wait till they move together, reality sets in, fun part is over and real issues set in.

ouch.

If 20 threads is not a sign that you should not move in with a man I don’t know what is.

Jeeeeeesus. You’re really vulnerable. I just looked at all your other threads. Crikey. I don’t think you should be in any relationship, you’re very fragile it appears. Spend some time by yourself. No one needs a man.

20 threads!!! In 8 months! You need some urgent help for your MH issues as you're really vulnerable

@KettrickenSmiled you know the OP is 28 not 14 right? How did anyone collude to get her to take drugs? Her bf wasn't anywhere near her and didn't know until she told him! She's a bloody grown up, it was HER choice to take drugs, literally no one made her. She has realised it was stupid, she now needs to wake up to her issues and stop using drink to loosen up, that way lies disaster

Not sure what's making you so cross @Tessabelle74
My posts acknowledge OP's adult independence & advise her to start using her personal autonomy to discover why she is in thrall to a b/f who sounds rather like her mother. To focus on her career, get out from under her body-shaming, verbally brutal mother's roof, & start assessing why she has picked a man who is so unsuitable she has started umpteen threads about him in the 8 short months she's known him. If that's not telling her to grow up & take responsibility for herself I don't know what is.

I also don't know how much you know about drug subculture, manipulation, & emotional power imbalances. I'm assuming you've RTFT but you seem to have missed a lot of subtext.

OP went to a party (a WORK party!) with her b/f's friends/colleagues.
She had not a clue that they were recreational drug users.
The first she knew of it was in the bogs, where she got offered a line by her b'f's friend, & drunkenly, daftly, accepted it.
Her b/f, however is OBVIOUSLY au fait with the extent of his friends' drug usage, as the first thing he asked OP when she emerged fromt he bogs was "did you take drugs?"
As he knew that OP doesn't take drugs - probably wouldn't even know how to source them - it's as plain as a pikestaff that he knew his friend had offered.
What was his response? - to be shocked that someone had 'corrupted' his g/f? Concerned about how someone who'd never taken drugs before might feel or react? Annoyed that his friend had over-stepped?
There was none of that.
Quite the reverse - his very next action was to go & take some himself.
Almost as if he couldn't wait to get stuck in.
Almost as if now the 'secret' was out of the box, he need no longer conceal his familiarity with drug-taking from OP.
He was then more interested in carrying on boozing/drugging/partying/whatever than looking out for OP. The woman who is meant to be his g/f. the woman who didn't know anyone else but him at the party, the woman he is meant to care about.

Of course he was chipper & "kind" the next morning.
He'd got his own way - his sordid coke secret is out of the bag & he need no longer conceal it from OP.
She'll still be with him now, because she hasn't yet accepted the connection between the way he treats her & the way her mother raised her. Stand by for the next thread about this man, this one featuring how frequently he's off his tits around her & how she either doesn't like it but won't leave - or is doing a "can't beat them so will join them" - & won't leave.

I suspect that unless this man gets physically abusive (& maybe not even then) - OP won't leave him. She needs extensive therapy to unpick why she can't. What her mother has done to her. What healthy relationships look like. What relying on yourself feels like. What boundaries are, & how to say NO to abusive behaviour.