Can't fucking believe this.

[CannotBelieveThisIsHappening]

My daughter is 16. She's a slim, curvy, pretty girl. Not that it matters.

She has started occasionally giving my partner a quick hug now and again. He has never initiated before but does reciprocate.

Today, she was wearing her usual baggy tracky bottoms (that are too big for her so sit on her hips rather than her waist 🙄), bra and a cropped vest top She had her brand new supersoft fleecy dressing gown on over the top.

My partner and I went out this afternoon for a bit and she came over to give us both a hug. I called her ted and gave her a big squeeze referencing the fact she's like a teddy bear in it.

She went to hug him and he said "Come on then. You look curvy... cuddly" he definitely said curvy which was clearly in error and corrected it immediately to cuddly.

She did look cuddly. Like a teddy bear.

Cuddly is fine. Curvy is not.

I can't fucking believe it.

I think the OP should immediately sever her relationship with this man. He has reduced her to her figure. He has known her since early teens. I think it is a horrifying red flag and I urged the OP to consider just when this man ponder her daughter’s ‘curvy’ figure and just how he might talk about her to his mates away from the OP. It’s disgusting. As is the way you have reduced her to a ‘legal’, near woman.

You know nothing of me. But I cannot believe that you would use the terminology you have if you work with female victims of abuse. Your terminology is reminiscent of the OP’s boyfriend.

Fantastic! 😊

Human beings are not property. Sexually assaulting another human is not the same as stealing a purse.

I don't curtail my or my daughters human rights because a significant majority of men won't act like decent humans.

I do lock my house because it has precisely no detrimental impact on me or my ability to engage in society to do so.

Because I'm not happy "prancing about in my underwear" so I don't do it.

One of my step daughters wears very skimpy clothes and guess what? I don't care

I think human beings have their own level of tolerance, we don't need to "teach" people to cover up.

I also think a lot of grief could be avoided if men knew it was unacceptable to harass women regardless of how attractive they found them.

It's a human right to leave your door open, most people don't do it because it's not a good idea.

I see, because it's a human right to parade around half naked in front of people is it a good idea to do it? Personally there's an immense amount of hypocrisy going on. Fashions are specifically designed to be more sexual but people are claiming to to wear them because they're designed to be comfortable.

And I don't think non-parental Adults should ever be left alone around children in their own home. Regardless of whether it's inconvenient or not. I don't expect burglars do reappraise their attidude for my benefit, nor do I expect perverts to do it either.

Why do you think I leave non-parental adults alone with my semi naked children though?

It's not a human right to leave your door open.

It is a human right to express yourself you want and be able to participate in society free from degrading treatment. Men leching on 16 year okds is degrading treatment. Women having to comply with arbitrary rules to suit men means there are barriers to full participation

www.mygov.scot/human-rights

I see so because you don't care this means that everybody else has to not care?

It's not just men that find this inappropriate, and it's nothing to do with inviting predatory behaviour either.

I don't see why children should be supporting fashion designers who are designing sexualised clothes for that age range. It's supporting an entire industry that makes its money from objectification.

Well why not just walk around naked then?

As I say everyone has to fit around your view of acceptable because it's apparently self expression rather than people degrading themselves at the mercy of the objectification industry.

How do people allow their daughters to buy clothes from fashion brands targeting children for objectification then complain about objectification?

It's bonkers.

Agree @HotChoxs

This

I also agree with @Herejustforthisone

OPs partner has let slip that he sees the daughter in a non-parental way. There’s no getting away from that. And that’s not good.

This thread is a fascinating read and reminded me of something my wife said about 10 years ago when we were dating before we were married. On one of the rare occasions where my then 16 year old son walked across the house without a shirt on, my then girlfriend definitely took notice, and didn't even try to correct herself after she said to him "Wow, a lot of girls are going to like that"

You know nothing of me. But I cannot believe that you would use the terminology you have if you work with female victims of abuse. Your terminology is reminiscent of the OP’s boyfriend.

Firstly, it wasn’t even my terminology I was just jumped on for sticking up for a poster who was being targeted.

Secondly, there is nothing wrong with the word curvy.
I am curvy and I will not be body shamed into thinking having big breasts and hips are something to be ashamed about.

Thirdly, my entire point was that the fact that she’s becoming an adult (can’t say women) and the fact that she has big breasts and hips (can’t say curvy) and now his behaviour has changed, could be a potential red flag as I know from my experience.

If you don’t get that that’s fine.
But being rude being called a perv, disgusting, that I’m justifying a peado, a dirty old man etc are vile accusations to throw around.

Ignoring this is not only concerning but extremely sad for the girl involved.

Totally agree. Why would you walk around half naked because u felt like it?

You are nuts

I'm not victim blaming but I would buy my teenage daughter joggers that fit and encourage her to wear more than a crop top when your boyfriend is around. He sounds like a creep regardless.

What @PollyAmour says.

Taking this particular man out of the equation, would you really tell your daughter she couldn't wear a crop top and joggers in her own home when your boyfriend is there? Really?

Maybe she was less aware of what she was doing as you said she was a bit off colour (not that I think she really did anything wrong anyway.)

If she's a size 4/6 it's not like she's likely to be an E cup or anything anyway, everything was probably pretty much covered up.

So it might not even have been going through his mind really. Like a PP I said 'love you' to someone random at the end of a phone call once. It didn't mean I had amorous feelings towards them or something like that- just a mistake.

I'm not victim blaming but I would buy my teenage daughter joggers that fit

@PollyAmour If you look at things like Instagram I think it's just the fashion of how they tend to wear them at the moment. If they did have the potential to fit, people would still wear them lower down by pulling them down. They look baggy over the hip as that shape is 'in.' The idea is it helps you look like you have an extreme hip to waist ratio like Nicki Minaj or Kim K.

OP Have you done a Sarah's Law query on this man before you allowed him access to your children?

OP Have you done a Sarah's Law query on this man before you allowed him access to your children?

Most of us hardly ever do that on partners for no apparent reason, do we? If he was a paedo he'dve been paedoey before now, he's known the girl since she was 14.

I would be greatly troubled if my partner commented on the shape of my teen daughter’s body.

@CannotBelieveThisIsHappening, your DD may not have shown a reaction, but she would have registered that crossed boundary. The verbalized ‘male gaze’ cannot be walked back. That would be it for me.

"Phwoar! You're curvy!!"

Nah. No one actually says this.