Can't fucking believe this.

[CannotBelieveThisIsHappening]

My daughter is 16. She's a slim, curvy, pretty girl. Not that it matters.

She has started occasionally giving my partner a quick hug now and again. He has never initiated before but does reciprocate.

Today, she was wearing her usual baggy tracky bottoms (that are too big for her so sit on her hips rather than her waist 🙄), bra and a cropped vest top She had her brand new supersoft fleecy dressing gown on over the top.

My partner and I went out this afternoon for a bit and she came over to give us both a hug. I called her ted and gave her a big squeeze referencing the fact she's like a teddy bear in it.

She went to hug him and he said "Come on then. You look curvy... cuddly" he definitely said curvy which was clearly in error and corrected it immediately to cuddly.

She did look cuddly. Like a teddy bear.

Cuddly is fine. Curvy is not.

I can't fucking believe it.

I honestly can’t believe a woman would describe a teenage girl the way @CarefreeMe is. Mumsnet needs to look into that poster.

Where is the sexual assault implication @AdamRyan ?

I have mentored younger women in the workplace and have spoken to them about appropriate attire. I also lent a shirt to a young woman who was about to head off to a job interview wearing a crop top.

This advice wasn’t about sexual assault.

I have previously asked my teenage DS to put some clothes on, rather than walking around in just tight pants, when we or his siblings have visitors. This is not because I think there is a risk of sexual assault.

You are very black and white.
How about a model where you trust a man, as NAMALT when it comes to leching on teenagers, until they do something inappropriate. At which point it becomes the man's problem, not the teenagers problem

So now you allowing something inappropriate to a teenager to happen?

Why was it then?

Having to comply with rules for workplace dress is different to "gently suggesting DD covers up" when you have visitors.

It's her home. If she chooses to walk round in her pants, that's her choice.

I would never police what my children wore in their own house, if visitors have an issue with it they can leave.

Would you walk around your house, infront of guests, in your knickers and bra because your sexual bits were covered?

You wouldn't, and it's inappropriate to walk around half dressed in front of any guest or visitor to your home.

No. A man out of the blue behaving inappropriately would only happen once and would be his fault, not mine.

Men need to start to be made to take responsibility for their behaviour. Not the teenage girls, not the mothers. The men who do this stuff.

I see. So you believe that someone behaving inappropriately always happens in stages in which you can spot if before you get to assault?

Lets get this clear, you want children to parade around half naked in front of Adult males alone in your house because you believe you are in control of the situation?

I’d walk around however I felt comfortable in MY home.

If ANYONE made me feel uncomfortable in my own home they would’nt be any guest or visitor of mine.

If guests thought I was inappropriately dressed in my own home is their issue not mine.

But carry on with your strange perceptions of how people should dress in their own homes. Bizzare.

If you work with abuse victims, you describing a 16 yo as above, as ‘legal’ is utterly revolting. You’ve reduced her to her body, and a body that is now accessible legally to men.

You have absolutely no business working with vulnerable women. Disgusting.

Tell that to the courts, the victims of abuse, of grooming gangs etc.

Clever predatory men are more likely to wait until a child has reached 16, knowing he will get in a lot less trouble for it.

Again, I’m not sure how I’m disgusting for pointing that out.

I guess you are just fortunate enough to have not been an abuse victim yourself or know anyone in a similar situation, so don’t fully understand how a child turning 16 and then a shift in behaviour from a man can be a red flag.

This is also ridiculous. He's not "a guest", he's OPs partner who's been on the scene for a while.
My DPs children have seen me in my bra and knickers, my kids have seen DP in his pants, by accident because we are very relaxed in each others houses.

For example DP got up in his pants at 6 am to make a coffee before work and DD walked into the kitchen unexpectedly - she's never usually up at that time.

Both were embarassed but was it inappropriate? Not at all.

What???
That's a bit of a stretch from what I said 😂

Exactly

@CarefreeMe you’re disgusting for the way you describe 16 year olds. Not for pointing out potential abuse.

I don’t know why you’re struggling to understand that.

Why were they both embarrassed @AdamRyan ?

And why have your DP’s DC seen you in your bra and pants “by accident”? It sounds almost like something you try and avoid. Why is that?

It's not strange or bizarre to get dressed when you have visitors, what is wrong with you

And as for becoming a wo/man, what exactly do people think the teenage years are?

They aren't children in the literal sense of the word, they may be legally, but they are not children. They are minors. They are teenagers, young adults, exactly what becoming a woman or man is

No it's not. 1) Children should be allowed to wear what they want in their home 2) NAMALT model should be adopted for men

Also 3) Men should be able to adjust their behaviours

Out of curiosity do leave your door open and adopt a NAPALT (not all people are like that) then claim that we should expect more from burglars

@ScrappyCats you sound a bit obsessed over why adults are in their underwear, you know.

It’s not uncommon at all to walk round your home, to the toilet/to the kitchen in underwear, PJs and dare I say it …. a DRESSING GOWN to be met with another member of the household.

Some may see it as embarrassing for the first few seconds, especially if they’ve not seen one another in underwear before, not because it’s inappropriate, but because it’s an initial shock, they weren’t expecting the other person to be there and they may have some body insecurities.

That doesn’t mean it’s inappropriate.

So many posters on here are clearly stuck in the 1950’s and are outraged if they see more than someone’s ankle showing 😂

My friend visited me last week. We were going on a night out so spent a good 45 minutes naked/in our underwear whilst trying outfits on. Shock horror IN THE SAME ROOM.

So no, nothings wrong with me. I’m just comfortable around the people who I choose to invite in my own home. And their comfortable too. If they’re not, they know where the door is.

If I was throwing a dinner party I’d be wearing clothes, appropriate for the occasion. If I was chilling with members of my family, I’d be wearing a similar outfit to the OPs DD. Does that make me have something wrong with me?

I’m bored of the “becoming a woman” debate now. Seriously read my previous posts. Describing a 16 year old girl as “more curvier” and “becoming a woman” in the sense of her being subject to a slimy comment from a grown ass man is WRONG.

Personally as a child I didn't want to see my parents in their underwear 😶

I think he or she made reference to the age of the girl being related to 'becoming a woman'. Then followed with a comment about body changes being noticed and used the word curvy to describe those changes.

When did curvy become a perverted or even sexual word? They literally use the word in clothing shops to describe a certain body shape, women use it all the time to describe themselves, it's not offensive.

My son turns 16 in 2months, he is 6ft tall has a deep voice, facial hair and obviously goes to the gym regularly, anyone with eyes could see this and would most definitely describe him as well on the way to becoming a man. They wouldn't have to be thinking perverted thoughts to come to this conclusion about him.
Now you may think this isn't relevant as he is a boy, but you wouldn't be taking into account that I have already had to go through more than one woman treating him as if he were a man and therefore fair game for their flirting and inappropriate behaviour. My partner was sexually assaulted by several older women during his early teens and if you speak to young males so many have a similar story.
I also have a teen daughter and have suffered sexual abuse at the hands of an older male relative so tend to be more overprotective than most, but I would completely disagree that using the phrase 'becoming a woman/man' automatically makes one a dangerous pervert.

Well then let’s hope once you reached adulthood you were able to give them a good telling off about how inappropriate it was to be comfortable in their own home with their family.

But they never put me in that position.

And yes I find it weird, as well as teenagers wearing next to nothing around Adults. Just because they should be able to do it if they want to doesn't make it any less weird to me.