Can't fucking believe this.

[CannotBelieveThisIsHappening]

My daughter is 16. She's a slim, curvy, pretty girl. Not that it matters.

She has started occasionally giving my partner a quick hug now and again. He has never initiated before but does reciprocate.

Today, she was wearing her usual baggy tracky bottoms (that are too big for her so sit on her hips rather than her waist 🙄), bra and a cropped vest top She had her brand new supersoft fleecy dressing gown on over the top.

My partner and I went out this afternoon for a bit and she came over to give us both a hug. I called her ted and gave her a big squeeze referencing the fact she's like a teddy bear in it.

She went to hug him and he said "Come on then. You look curvy... cuddly" he definitely said curvy which was clearly in error and corrected it immediately to cuddly.

She did look cuddly. Like a teddy bear.

Cuddly is fine. Curvy is not.

I can't fucking believe it.

You've told people to fuck off and slap themselves. That's not vile though, no?

You sound unhinged.

@monsteramunch

Did you see what that was a reply to?

I don’t allow these internet bullies to speak to me like that and not say anything back.

You know there are ways in getting your point across coherently without using aggression and swear words?

People will tend you take you more seriously if you can hold a calm and coherent discussion without insults and use of childish violence such as “slap yourself”.

I have said your comments of “becoming a woman” to describe a 16 year old is inappropriate. Because a 16 year old is under the age of 18. Therefore they are not an adult. 16 year olds at still at school and in education. It’s just so wrong to describe them in that way.

Girls become women.

You can deny that all you want and bury your head in the sand and call me a perv, a dirty old man etc etc but it’s facts.

Stating fact is not wrong.

It is entirely possible that he is attracted to her now because of her body - I am not a perv (or God knows what else I’ve been called on here) for pointing that out.

It is entirely possible that he’s always been attracted to her but he’s only now pushing the boundaries now she’s 16 - again that doesn’t make me a peado or perv for pointing that out.

Saying a man COULD be attracted to a female (regardless of age) is not justifying it or making it ok.
It is simply stating fact.

Nothing I have said about the girl is inappropriate or pervy and I think it’s vile people are throwing these words around like it’s a playground when there’s real people in this situation.

You know there are ways in getting your point across coherently without using aggression and swear words?

People will tend you take you more seriously if you can hold a calm and coherent discussion without insults and use of childish violence such as “slap yourself”.

Are you joking??!!

Have you heard of the expression pot calling the kettle black?

I stuck up for another poster and said someone was rude to them for no reason and then you and a couple of other posters jumped on saying I was a perv, a dirty old man living in my mums bedroom, gross, dirty, pervy, sick, a wrogen and God knows what else.

Yet when I stick up for myself and retaliate all of a sudden I’m in the wrong - ok 🤔

I assuming that usually when you try and bully people on here they just leave the thread.
Not me.

I'm not disagreeing about any of that but none of this has to do with fact that both men and women objectively look at each other. It's not a modern day phenomenon and predates porn.

I haven't seen anything which suggests eliminating and controlling thoughts are something that can be achieved. Unless you have evidence which suggests otherwise. I'd be happy to be corrected.

If that is the case the solutions are 1) not allow non parental adults into childrens/teenagers home space 2) set a dress code for when non parental adults are in childrens/teenagers home space 3) give leeway to the thoughts occurring when non parental adults are in childrens/teenagers home space and understand where the boundaries lie.

All of these are contentious complex issues.

Yes I did.

Your responses have been disproportionate and absolutely bizarre.

Yes girls do become women.

But not at 16. When they are still in school or some form of education. They aren’t legal adults at 16. They should not be sexualised for becoming “more curvy”.

I don’t know how many times I need to explain this.

Curvy has negative connotations. Has done for years. Sexual connotations and over weight connotations. Why is it even appropriate to comment on a woman’s body size/type? Especially a 16 year old girl’s. It’s just so damaging and inappropriate.

But go ahead. Carry on. Keep calling me a bully/troll I don’t care.

Like you say, there’s real people in this situation. Best not to comment on their natural physical appearance.

@monsteramunch

Ok 😉😉

No I’m not joking.

What do you think I’m joking about?

In reality it’s only ever the incel guys who are still living in their mothers basement who make comments like “more curvy” “she is becoming a woman” about 16 year old girls.

Is @CarefreeMe a man, then? Because it would explain a lot.

I genuinely hope so.

Because I can’t imagine one single female, let alone a mother, using the language that they are using.

Yes girls do become women.

But not at 16. When they are still in school or some form of education. They aren’t legal adults at 16. They should not be sexualised for becoming “more curvy”.

An 18 year old is a classed as a women.
Therefore a 16 year old is classed as becoming a women.

There is nothing inappropriate in saying that and there’s nothing worse than living in this PC world where the word woman or anything associated with her is becoming erased.

As I’ve said many times I know from experience that men will often wait until a female is of a certain age to either start becoming attracted to them or act on something they’ve felt for a long time.

Apart from the proper peados, this has been well documented that when a female starts getting her curves and becoming more developed and having a womenly shape - is when she is more of a target.

To say that the OPs DP is absolutely fine because he’s never been inappropriate with her DD is so wrong and worrying that these attitudes exist!

The fact that she’s growing up, the fact that she’s now 16 (and legal), the fact that she’s curvy and has a womenly body - is exactly why it is possible that he might be being inappropriate and it’s exactly why OP (or anyone else in this situation) should be on high alert.

I assume you are not curvy which is why you’re so offended by the word but implying that OP is sexualising her own DD or I’m a perv for stating facts is just so messed up.

You don’t like people using the word curvy or women on this thread but ultimately you are doing this girl a disservice, as these things are important when looking for red flags.

The majority of men will not be attracted to a 5 year old girl.

But there are many predators that will groom a pretty, curvy teen who trusts them.

Are you a man or woman @CarefreeMe?

@Herejustforthisone

Why because I said it’s possible that a grown man finds a 16 year old attractive??

As a victim of abuse and someone who works with abuse victims, I find your dismissal of this notion absolutely vile.

@monsteramunch I am a women.

I would be a very strange looking man considering I’ve said I am curvy 🤣

Would you be as offended if he described a 16 year old boy as 'becoming a man'?

@CarefreeMe

Please quote where I, or anyone else on this thread is trying to get the word “woman” erased.

Im confused why you think that.

Im also still waiting on you to quote where people have been making jokes about child abuse.

You are creating your own issues on this thread.

To say that the OPs DP is absolutely fine because he’s never been inappropriate with her DD is so wrong and worrying that these attitudes exist!

I have never said the OP’s partner is fine. I think he’s incredibly slimy and inappropriate.

Also, just stop describing teens as “curvy” it’s honestly so creepy. You’re sexualising them. It isn’t helping the issue.

I don’t care what you assume my body shape to be or not be, I don’t want you to assume anything about it because it’s degrading and inappropriate to comment on body types.

You don't seem to understand that people are saying the same thing! The people you're arguing with aren't excusing his behaviour, they've said it's gross and wrong and he should be dumped.

You seem determined to argue with people who think the language you've used is inappropriate by accusing them of thinking a man being sexually attracted to his girlfriends 16 year old is fine. Which is bizarre. Because they haven't said that! They've said the language you use to describe her body coupled with your subsequent aggression, felt awkward and for want of a better word icky to them.

If he/she insinuated a 16 year old boy as becoming a man due to his body type then I’d say that’s also inappropriate.

Not sure why you’re asking though because the OP’s child is a girl. Not a boy.

You don't seem to understand that people are saying the same thing! The people you're arguing with aren't excusing his behaviour, they've said it's gross and wrong and he should be dumped.

@monsteramunch

No they’re arguing with me and calling me all sorts for using the word curvy or becoming women.

These are the things that are really important and could explain a shift in his behaviour.

So how am I a perv for pointing that out??

”So yes it’s entirely possible that in the years he’s known her he’s never been attracted to her as she was a child but now she’s getting curvier and becoming a woman then that could change.”

To describe a 16 year old as “getting curvier and becoming a woman” is just so creepy. I’d be utterly mortified if someone referred to my 16 year old like that who wants to wear a dressing gown in their own home.

Referring to a 16 year old as “getting curvier and becoming a woman” IS creepy and inappropriate. Wether you like it or not.

You’re justifying a grown adult man being inappropriate towards a teenage girl because she’s “becoming a woman”. Ew. Ew. Ew. Gross.

@FlissyPaps

Obviously I can’t copy every single one of your posts but you’ve mentioned several times you have an issue with the words ‘curvy’ and ‘women/becoming a women’.

And "gently" reinforce a view in her mind that she can avoid being sexually assaulted by men in how she dresses.

This is not appropriate parenting.

But once again you've made my point for me. Despite calling it ridiculous, Adult non-parental men shouldn't be allowed into female childrens home spaces while they're there.

You cannot legislate for others personal view boundaries, you can legislate for the boundary I've given.

The fact that she’s growing up, the fact that she’s now 16 (and legal)

If you work with abuse victims, you describing a 16 yo girl as above, as ‘legal’ is utterly revolting. You’ve reduced her to her body, and a body that is now accessible legally to men.

You have absolutely no business working with vulnerable women. Disgusting.

This : So yes it’s entirely possible that in the years he’s known her he’s never been attracted to her as she was a child but now she’s getting curvier and becoming a woman then that could change..
Is one of your comments. Not mine. Please don’t incorrectly quote me like that again.

I stand by everything I’ve said to you.

Describing a 16 year old girl as “getting curvier” and “becoming a woman” is just creepy. It isn’t age appropriate.

Thats it. Nothing more. Nothing less. I don’t want the word woman erasing. I don’t believe it’s impossible for a man to be attracted to a teenager. It happens. I’m aware of that.

So now do you see where I’m coming from? Can you comprehend my points? Or are you still going to create your own issues here? As we seem to be going round in circles.

Im STILL waiting for you to quote where I or anyone else has made a joke about child abuse.