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Original poster

Can't fucking believe this.

524 replies

CannotBelieveThisIsHappening · 12/12/2022 01:28

My daughter is 16. She's a slim, curvy, pretty girl. Not that it matters.

She has started occasionally giving my partner a quick hug now and again. He has never initiated before but does reciprocate.

Today, she was wearing her usual baggy tracky bottoms (that are too big for her so sit on her hips rather than her waist 🙄), bra and a cropped vest top She had her brand new supersoft fleecy dressing gown on over the top.

My partner and I went out this afternoon for a bit and she came over to give us both a hug. I called her ted and gave her a big squeeze referencing the fact she's like a teddy bear in it.

She went to hug him and he said "Come on then. You look curvy... cuddly" he definitely said curvy which was clearly in error and corrected it immediately to cuddly.

She did look cuddly. Like a teddy bear.

Cuddly is fine. Curvy is not.

I can't fucking believe it.

OP posts:
CarefreeMe · 12/12/2022 10:19

This reply has been deleted

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FlissyPaps · 12/12/2022 10:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Stop being so angry and hysterical 😂

It isn’t doing you any favours.

I don’t go to school. But maybe you should go, since you clearly have trouble in comprehension.

What I’m saying is that it’s extremely inappropriate and creepy to refer to a 16 year old as being “curvy” and “becoming a woman”. By describing a 16 year old with that language is sexualising.

I’m not sure why you’re having trouble understanding that. Or why you feel the need to scream “troll” at me when you’re the one using inappropriate language to describe a young girl.

”I hope you don’t have children yourself”

Likewise.

”not believing them is one of the worst things a parent can do.”

Dont you worry my lovely, I would be the first person to believe my children if they were subject to inappropriate treatment or words such as the ones used by yourself. Don’t you worry one bit.

HotChoxs · 12/12/2022 10:25

FlissyPaps · 12/12/2022 10:23

Stop being so angry and hysterical 😂

It isn’t doing you any favours.

I don’t go to school. But maybe you should go, since you clearly have trouble in comprehension.

What I’m saying is that it’s extremely inappropriate and creepy to refer to a 16 year old as being “curvy” and “becoming a woman”. By describing a 16 year old with that language is sexualising.

I’m not sure why you’re having trouble understanding that. Or why you feel the need to scream “troll” at me when you’re the one using inappropriate language to describe a young girl.

”I hope you don’t have children yourself”

Likewise.

”not believing them is one of the worst things a parent can do.”

Dont you worry my lovely, I would be the first person to believe my children if they were subject to inappropriate treatment or words such as the ones used by yourself. Don’t you worry one bit.

Show quote history

@FlissyPaps
What I’m saying is that it’s extremely inappropriate and creepy to refer to a 16 year old as being “curvy”

The OP did!

FlissyPaps · 12/12/2022 10:25

femfemlicious · 12/12/2022 10:16

You keep saying wearing a dressing gown but she is actually wearing a bra top and low hanging joggers with an open dressing gown. For me I would gently explain to her to pop on a top when any man comes around. I'm not berating her. I know her brain is not fully developed and she doesn't have much life experience so it would be my job as a mum to guide her gently...but that's just me.

Show quote history

You might want to re read the OP.

Today, she was wearing her usual baggy tracky bottoms (that are too big for her so sit on her hips rather than her waist 🙄), bra and a cropped vest top She had her brand new supersoft fleecy dressing gown on over the top.

Absolutely nothing wrong with wearing that in the comfort of your own home. Where you should feel comfortable and safe.

But you carry one sexualising.

FlissyPaps · 12/12/2022 10:26

HotChoxs · 12/12/2022 10:25

@FlissyPaps
What I’m saying is that it’s extremely inappropriate and creepy to refer to a 16 year old as being “curvy”

The OP did!

Show quote history

Yes they did. As did @CarefreeMe

Your point?

FrappuccinoLight · 12/12/2022 10:27

I think you’re overreacting. You have said he has always been respectful towards her. you need to remember that. So he accidentally said curvy rather than cuddly and immediately corrected himself. Therefore he knew it was inappropriate.
Not making excuses but middle aged men aren’t always the most articulate and it also seems that he has responded to your daughters recent hugs in a paternal and appropriate way. It is her initiating these, not him, and underneath he may actually feel uncomfortable about them but has not disclosed this. She must also be mindful of how she dresses when there are non family members in the house. At 16, she is a young woman not a child.

You need to tell him how it made you feel and he needs an opportunity to respond and apologise to you. Your daughter probably didn’t even register the comment anyway and I think to discuss it with her or make him apologise to her would also be wrong and make her self conscious and potentially spoil their developing step dad/step daughter bond.

He made a mistake. We all make mistakes. Let him apologise and move on. Especially since you say he has always shown you both respect 100% of the time.

HotChoxs · 12/12/2022 10:27

FlissyPaps · 12/12/2022 10:26

Yes they did. As did @CarefreeMe

Your point?

Show quote history

Is the OP inappropriate and creepy?

Aikko · 12/12/2022 10:29

femfemlicious · 12/12/2022 10:16

You keep saying wearing a dressing gown but she is actually wearing a bra top and low hanging joggers with an open dressing gown. For me I would gently explain to her to pop on a top when any man comes around. I'm not berating her. I know her brain is not fully developed and she doesn't have much life experience so it would be my job as a mum to guide her gently...but that's just me.

Show quote history

The situation all seems a little inappropriate and boundary blurring from both sides.

He won't have failed to notice if she is attractive, and unfortunately for him - his mouth has engaged before his brain - basically telling you what he really thinks. I don't think there is any comeback for him at this point.

CarefreeMe · 12/12/2022 10:30

What I’m saying is that it’s extremely inappropriate and creepy to refer to a 16 year old as being “curvy” and “becoming a woman”.

No it’s not!

FFS!

I swear you idiots won’t be happy until the word woman is completely erased.

My 14 year old is CURVY she’s been CURVY since she was 12.

I‘ m CURVY.

Guess what female children go from being girls to women.

There is nothing wrong with the word CURVY or the word WOMAN.

OP even described her own daughter as curvy.

How do you even cope in life.

FlissyPaps · 12/12/2022 10:31

HotChoxs · 12/12/2022 10:27

Is the OP inappropriate and creepy?

Show quote history

I think it’s a bit strange for the OP to refer to her 16 year old child as curvy and mentioning her outfit like it’s a problem.

However my comments are to @CarefreeMe who is describing the OP’s DD as “curvy” and “becoming a woman” which is just odd.

Again, your point is?

monsteramunch · 12/12/2022 10:31

CarefreeMe · 12/12/2022 10:11

You sound like such an angry person.

Maybe step away from threads that make you feel the need to be so aggressive.

@monsteramunch

I am angry because there are sick trolls on here trying to make a joke out of child abuse!

What does make me laugh though is I can guarantee that these sick fucks wouldn’t say this if they were hiding behind their keyboards.

Who has made a joke out of child abuse? Can you share a quote that is an example?

FlissyPaps · 12/12/2022 10:32

CarefreeMe · 12/12/2022 10:30

What I’m saying is that it’s extremely inappropriate and creepy to refer to a 16 year old as being “curvy” and “becoming a woman”.

No it’s not!

FFS!

I swear you idiots won’t be happy until the word woman is completely erased.

My 14 year old is CURVY she’s been CURVY since she was 12.

I‘ m CURVY.

Guess what female children go from being girls to women.

There is nothing wrong with the word CURVY or the word WOMAN.

OP even described her own daughter as curvy.

How do you even cope in life.

Again, stop being so hysterical.

I don’t have to explain how your comments are inappropriate.

I’m not sure how you cope in life either with that dreadful attitude but here we are.

HotChoxs · 12/12/2022 10:33

FlissyPaps · 12/12/2022 10:31

I think it’s a bit strange for the OP to refer to her 16 year old child as curvy and mentioning her outfit like it’s a problem.

However my comments are to @CarefreeMe who is describing the OP’s DD as “curvy” and “becoming a woman” which is just odd.

Again, your point is?

Show quote history

You just answered my question didn't you? You think it's a bit strange for the OP to refer to her 16 year old as curvy

FlissyPaps · 12/12/2022 10:34

HotChoxs · 12/12/2022 10:33

You just answered my question didn't you? You think it's a bit strange for the OP to refer to her 16 year old as curvy

Show quote history

Yes I do.

Again, what is your point please?

thewayround · 12/12/2022 10:35

I would put money on….

The OP had a difficult childhood herself with sleazy live in mothers boyfriends and a mother who didn’t do anything.

The OP does not have a positive relationship history and has never really been with a genuinely good and genuine man to give her a strong benchmark

The OP’s daughter has never had a positive male father figure in her life

The OP’s daughter doesn’t grasp boundary issues and appropriate behaviour

The OP’s boyfriend is a sleaze

HotChoxs · 12/12/2022 10:35

FlissyPaps · 12/12/2022 10:34

Yes I do.

Again, what is your point please?

Show quote history

The point was to highlight that you think it's a bit strange for the OP to refer to her 16 year old as curvy. The OP can respond to that.

FlissyPaps · 12/12/2022 10:37

HotChoxs · 12/12/2022 10:35

The point was to highlight that you think it's a bit strange for the OP to refer to her 16 year old as curvy. The OP can respond to that.

Show quote history

OK no worries 😂👌

The OP can absolutely respond to that. If she wishes.

femfemlicious · 12/12/2022 10:41

FlissyPaps · 12/12/2022 10:25

You might want to re read the OP.

Today, she was wearing her usual baggy tracky bottoms (that are too big for her so sit on her hips rather than her waist 🙄), bra and a cropped vest top She had her brand new supersoft fleecy dressing gown on over the top.

Absolutely nothing wrong with wearing that in the comfort of your own home. Where you should feel comfortable and safe.

But you carry one sexualising.

Show quote history

Oh ok I don't know why bra top stuck in my head. For me I've already said in my first post that she should break up with him because she is now uncomfortable with him around her daughter . For me I would always get my daughter's to be more covered if there's any man around. It's how I was brought up. Sure men shouldn't look at a 16 year old like that but they do. We cannot control that and we can't kill them.

FlissyPaps · 12/12/2022 10:46

femfemlicious · 12/12/2022 10:41

Oh ok I don't know why bra top stuck in my head. For me I've already said in my first post that she should break up with him because she is now uncomfortable with him around her daughter . For me I would always get my daughter's to be more covered if there's any man around. It's how I was brought up. Sure men shouldn't look at a 16 year old like that but they do. We cannot control that and we can't kill them.

Show quote history

I absolutely agree that she should break up with him.

However, I believe if a grown man can’t control himself or look away from a 16 year old girl then he shouldn’t even be in her space in the first place. That is her home. And she should be able to wear whatever she wants in her home. No man should invade that. No woman or girl should have to “cover up” a perfectly normal and non sexual part of her body.

CarefreeMe · 12/12/2022 10:52

I don’t have to explain how your comments are inappropriate.

@FlissyPaps

That’s because you can’t explain why the words curvy or woman are inappropriate - because they’re not.

Posters like you come on these threads being rude to people and expect them to just leave.

You can’t say such vile things to me and expect me to slink away.

You are an internet bully who literally has no idea why you’re saying such rude comments.

There is nothing wrong with the words woman or curvy and until you explain why you think they are offensive then I’ll just assume you are a troll trying to get your kicks where you can.

HotChoxs · 12/12/2022 10:53

FlissyPaps · 12/12/2022 10:46

I absolutely agree that she should break up with him.

However, I believe if a grown man can’t control himself or look away from a 16 year old girl then he shouldn’t even be in her space in the first place. That is her home. And she should be able to wear whatever she wants in her home. No man should invade that. No woman or girl should have to “cover up” a perfectly normal and non sexual part of her body.

Show quote history

There have been scientific studies showing that men and women in western societies are predisposed to ogling. How would you suggest altering this?

Herejustforthisone · 12/12/2022 10:57

CarefreeMe · 12/12/2022 10:00

What I’m saying is your comment highlighted in bold below is creepy and pervy.

”So yes it’s entirely possible that in the years he’s known her he’s never been attracted to her as she was a child but now she’s getting curvier and becoming a woman then that could change.”

How the fuck is saying that he may fancy her now she’s getting older and curvier, pervy and creepy?

I think you’d have a shock if you took your head out of your ass for a minute and lived in the real world.

This happens all of the time.

Partners either becoming attracted to their step daughters once they are developed and become attractive.

Or they are groomed from a younger age and then are taken advantage of as soon as they’re of a legal age or they start developing.

I know women who’ve been abused by their own dads as soon as they got their curves.

My teenage daughter is extremely curvy.
It doesn’t make me a perv to say that and it doesn’t make me a perv to know that it makes her a bigger target to predatory men.

You are sick.

There is something very wrong with you. The way you speak about a teenage girl in her own home is fucked.

FlissyPaps · 12/12/2022 10:59

CarefreeMe · 12/12/2022 10:52

I don’t have to explain how your comments are inappropriate.

@FlissyPaps

That’s because you can’t explain why the words curvy or woman are inappropriate - because they’re not.

Posters like you come on these threads being rude to people and expect them to just leave.

You can’t say such vile things to me and expect me to slink away.

You are an internet bully who literally has no idea why you’re saying such rude comments.

There is nothing wrong with the words woman or curvy and until you explain why you think they are offensive then I’ll just assume you are a troll trying to get your kicks where you can.

Describing a 16 year old as “curvy” and “becoming a woman” is sexualising. That’s why it’s inappropriate. It’s justifying a grown man’s pervy and unsolicited comments.

You really are getting the wrong end of the stick. But you carry on popping off.

You are the rude one with the vile language and aggression. Especially on the posts that have been removed.

I have never said there is anything wrong with the word woman. Please, quote me where I have said the word “woman” is wrong.

I have said your comments of “becoming a woman” to describe a 16 year old is inappropriate. Because a 16 year old is under the age of 18. Therefore they are not an adult. 16 year olds at still at school and in education. It’s just so wrong to describe them in that way.

I am not trying to bully. I am merely highlighting why your previous comments are inappropriate.

monsteramunch · 12/12/2022 11:03

You can’t say such vile things to me and expect me to slink away.

You've told people to fuck off and slap themselves. That's not vile though, no?

You sound unhinged.

FlissyPaps · 12/12/2022 11:05

HotChoxs · 12/12/2022 10:53

There have been scientific studies showing that men and women in western societies are predisposed to ogling. How would you suggest altering this?

Show quote history

By changing societies view of women.

Women are highly sexualised, seen as “only good for making babies and cooking, cleaning. Serving the men”.

Women are congratulated for showing skin if they are conventionally attractive. They are berated for showing skin if they are overweight or seen as not conventionally attractive.

Women are seen as sluts for sleeping with many people. But they are also seen as “frigid” or “boring” if they have no sexual desires.

Porn is huge problem. Especially the whole “schoolgirl” take.

What does it all have in common? Men. Women are seen to please men. Physically and emotionally.

It’s a huge complex subject. I wish I had the answers on how we can change mens attitudes.