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Original poster

I opened Xmas gifts early and hate them :(

332 replies

Dawb · 03/12/2022 09:44

So DP has taken DD to soft play this morning (rare). I’m using the time to have a clean around and found a box from my favourite website shop and decided to open it. I know very bad. I realised it was my Xmas gifts and still chose to open it while no one was in. The website isn’t designer or major expensive, but not cheap either.

The box contains nothing I like at all. The site sells different brands (think retro) and I’ve never heard of a few of them in the box. A few others completely inappropriate (think allergies to cosmetics).

I feel so so mean literally not liking any of it. He has spent I would say at least £150 on a load of expensive tat. I wouldn’t wear or use any of it.

DP is far from romantic. He does try but I think due to his upbringing he is a bit of a robot. I feel so so mean telling him - ‘thanks for trying but what on earth were you thinking’. I’m also feeling a bit down that he really hasn’t got a clue - and probably never will.

Apart from not being romantic or spontaneous he is a lovely partner. Can’t discuss with my best friend as her DP is being such a CF at the moment and would kill for a DP like mine. What do I do? Please help!

OP posts:
WilsonMilson · 03/12/2022 13:21

Years ago, in my previous marriage, I found my Xmas present (or maybe it was birthday, can’t remember). It was a pair of Prada sunglasses from John Lewis hidden in the wardrobe. They were awful. I’d dropped hints about a pair of sunglasses, but these were hideous.

So….luckily the receipt was stored beside them as they weren’t yet wrapped. I took them back to John Lewis, exchanged them for a pair I liked (luckily also Prada so same sort of box) and put them back where I’d found them. Ex DH was none the wiser. He did look a little confused when I opened the gift, but I was so gushing about how much I loved them, that he didn’t say anything at all. To this day I have no idea whether he ever realised they were not the same pair.

Notmrsfitz · 03/12/2022 13:22

I think there’s far more to this and it can’t be resolved in a thread on Mumsnet.

I suspect that Christmas and birthdays have not always been a happy time for you and perhaps whatever happens you’ll always have the inner grief and associated anger that comes with it.
I can understand this because I, too am the same.

if your Dp is a good partner in all other aspects then I see no harm in maybe trying the clothes he’s chosen and maybe experimenting with the style and then simply saying ohh what a shame these cosmetics arent suitable for me - would it offend you if I exchange them.

A gift chosen and given with love - even a last minute gift is a gift and it is a recognition of the love that person has for you.

I think you’re just a bit over wrought and it’s understandable that this reaction is completely over the top and maybe it’s more to do with you and your feelings than the feelings about the gift itself.

Charlize43 · 03/12/2022 13:23

You opened the Pandora's box and was rightly punished for it. Had you waited until it was given to you on Christmas Day, then it would have contained all the lovelies you wanted... You jinxed it!

Lallaw · 03/12/2022 13:25

WilsonMilson · 03/12/2022 13:21

Years ago, in my previous marriage, I found my Xmas present (or maybe it was birthday, can’t remember). It was a pair of Prada sunglasses from John Lewis hidden in the wardrobe. They were awful. I’d dropped hints about a pair of sunglasses, but these were hideous.

So….luckily the receipt was stored beside them as they weren’t yet wrapped. I took them back to John Lewis, exchanged them for a pair I liked (luckily also Prada so same sort of box) and put them back where I’d found them. Ex DH was none the wiser. He did look a little confused when I opened the gift, but I was so gushing about how much I loved them, that he didn’t say anything at all. To this day I have no idea whether he ever realised they were not the same pair.

Wow. Are you serious? You replaced a present and noticed his confusion and just didn't say a word? This isn't funny or cute - it's downright weird. But at least you got sunglasses you like!

Geville · 03/12/2022 13:26

With men like this - well - most men - you need to drop very large hints and show them stuff online you like - or send links - or take pictures and flick through them on your phone and say oh I love that top - what do you think? so expensive - maybe I'll get it for myself for Xmas.

You have to drop hints - very large hints - or else it won't get through to their brains...

In the interests of kindness I think you have to swallow this one this year and just take it and look happy - but in future, train your man. He's obviously clueless - so you have to take control!

rainbowandglitter · 03/12/2022 13:26

I know you've said it's not the case but my first thought was that it's for someone else.

Dweetfidilove · 03/12/2022 13:27

How dare the bastard defy you and spend over your set £10 limit.

Actually, pretend you haven't seen it and if / when (they might not even be yours) he presents them to you, make sure you've saved enough tears to cry all week.

Geville · 03/12/2022 13:28

If you're going on holiday though - how much do you need. Just be grateful he tried. You're doing better than a lot of other women!

BacklogBritain · 03/12/2022 13:30

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BacklogBritain · 03/12/2022 13:31

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SilverPeacock · 03/12/2022 13:33

Dh got me a voucher last year for 200 but for a jewellery brand I don’t like their stuff which is also overpriced. I felt so bad as I could have got something I really liked with that. He was trying to be kind to me because I had a bad year. I had to suck it up but this year I said I have so much jewellery I can’t wear it all so don’t get me any more. You have to suck it up too OP

Wetblanket78 · 03/12/2022 13:35

Wait until DD is in bed then mention it to him. Don't make out you know they are for you just say it's a lot of money to pay for when you are not absolutely certain it's what they want. I would rather ask people what they would like/need. If they say a B&Q voucher then that's what they get. No point in buying something they won't need. The motto of something they want something they need and something to wear is a good guide. With adults though they will want to pick they're own and try it on. Unless it's something they had tried on but couldn't afford it. I wouldn't buy clothing for another adult I haven't given birth to. Waiting until the after Christmas sales they can get more for your money. I would rather wait until after Christmas and have him tell me I can pick anything I want up to X amount.

BabyFour2023 · 03/12/2022 13:35

Dawb · 03/12/2022 10:02

You are completely right. My birthday when I was pregnant (2 weeks before birth) I said I didn’t want to do anything for my birthday as I was obviously not in the best state. He mistook that for do nothing and didn’t even get a card. I cried the whole day because of his lack of effort - yet now I’m moaning about this. We did set £10 limit and he hasn’t done that at all.

Bloody hell, poor man can’t win!

NeverDropYourMooncup · 03/12/2022 13:36

because he is so great don’t want to hurt his feelings. Any further advice?

Don't hurt his feelings. Act delighted, grateful and don't let on that you've been bitching about him when he's trying to make up for getting his wires crossed when you were pregnant.

Because if you can afford a lovely holiday over Christmas, it's not going to put you out on the street to write off the equivalent of £3 a week on him trying to put things right this year.

Theoldwoman · 03/12/2022 13:36

Let him go.
He deserves better.

ohyouknowwhatshername · 03/12/2022 13:38

If you set a limit of £10 (as I think you've mentioned..), then I expect the cheapest thing in the box is for you, and the rest are for his sister/mum/aunt/secret lover.

burnoutbabe · 03/12/2022 13:40

Effectively you are paying for this poor present. You say you are the highest earner and have shared finances so it's you buying this for yourself really.

I'd just be thrilled he got something from shop I liked but then exchange them all after Xmas,bring gutted you are allergic.

If you have a credit note you can spend it over time.

I really couldn't face spending my money on stufff I hated just do protect husbands feeling-'many ways to be tactful about need to exchange.

Though as it was left open by the sofa why wouldn't you open it now? What a daft place to leave anything private.

WilsonMilson · 03/12/2022 13:42

Lallaw · 03/12/2022 13:25

Wow. Are you serious? You replaced a present and noticed his confusion and just didn't say a word? This isn't funny or cute - it's downright weird. But at least you got sunglasses you like!

Show quote history

Mumsnet is so tiresome these days. You share a lighthearted post about something that happened years ago, and someone always takes issue with it.

DarkKarmaIlama · 03/12/2022 13:45

@WilsonMilson

Totally agree. Yawnfest on here these day.

DarkKarmaIlama · 03/12/2022 13:46

days…..before I offend the spelling police 🤦‍♀️.

Lallaw · 03/12/2022 13:48

I like lighthearted posts. Talking about how you exchanged a present (you hadn't yet received!) and noticed their confusion but ignored it is just batshit. It is not light of heart.

Sally090807 · 03/12/2022 13:55

Maybe they presents aren’t for you.

pluckie · 03/12/2022 13:58

WilsonMilson · 03/12/2022 13:21

Years ago, in my previous marriage, I found my Xmas present (or maybe it was birthday, can’t remember). It was a pair of Prada sunglasses from John Lewis hidden in the wardrobe. They were awful. I’d dropped hints about a pair of sunglasses, but these were hideous.

So….luckily the receipt was stored beside them as they weren’t yet wrapped. I took them back to John Lewis, exchanged them for a pair I liked (luckily also Prada so same sort of box) and put them back where I’d found them. Ex DH was none the wiser. He did look a little confused when I opened the gift, but I was so gushing about how much I loved them, that he didn’t say anything at all. To this day I have no idea whether he ever realised they were not the same pair.

Genius 🤣

MerryMarigold · 03/12/2022 14:03

DP is far from romantic. He does try but I think due to his upbringing he is a bit of a robot. I feel so so mean telling him - ‘thanks for trying but what on earth were you thinking’. I’m also feeling a bit down that he really hasn’t got a clue - and probably never will

Ok, I think it was romantic and thoughtful to think of a brand you like and shop there. It was generous to spend so much on you. I think you have a high expectation that he should know your allergies to cosmetics. You opened it early. YAB very U.

You opened the present so now you will need to pretend you didn't and on boxing day say you want to change the stuff.

My dh basically buys things I send him links to! It's not romantic or thoughtful but it saves his time and effort, and my irritation.

NoSquirrels · 03/12/2022 14:03

You hate Christmas. You’re emotional about gifts in general. You’re a bit controlling.

Just be kind about this thing your DP tried to do and get over it. Return things if you must.