Should I send him a message?

[ikeepdancingonmyown]

Been on several dates with this man, we are both 30. Every date has been lovely and in my head at least I felt like we had a very good connection. We slept together the last couple of times and spent the whole night both times hugging and holding hands. Since then he messaged to ask how it was going but since then the conversation has trailed off and we didn’t message at all for a few days - on Sunday evening I text him to ask how his weekend had been and he replied without asking any questions in return. I am 90% sure he is slow fading although there is 10% part of me which wonders if he is waiting for me to reach out and be a bit more proactive in messaging him as he has always been the one to message first after each date. I understand the whole ‘if he wanted to he would’ school of thought but a male friend told me that men can also subscribe to this (‘if she wanted to she would’) so what if we are both just being stubborn?

I would send one really chatty message and if he doesn’t respond back within a few hours with a similar tone asking you questions in return then I’d keep your reply very brief and then just leave the ball in his court for a few days. If nothing much has been said by the weekend i would assume he had lost enthusiasm and maybe met someone else. Im very forward though and would just outright ask him if everything is ok between you as you noticed he was being quieter. That might give him the catalyst he needs to discuss things with you

I'd ask what he was up to this weekend, maybe even if he fancies doing something...

But i expect the answer would either be no reply or he's busy. Move on to the next

I agree with Oopsiedaisyy, message him asking if he fancies doing anything this weekend (or whenever you're free).

If he replies positively to arrange something, great.
If he says he's busy but doesn't offer an alternative date, I'd be inclined to agree he's fading out.

I’m thinking to just message and ask direct what he’s thinking, whether he is feeling it or not. Is that too needy?

I wouldn't, sounds like a slow fade. Would have been easy for him to continue chatting

@LooneyToon but what if he is thinking the same?

Just message and ask if he fancies arranging to meet up🤷‍♀️ surely that’s easy enough to do.

yes, just do it...ask however you want, "do you want to meet up this weekend/soon", "it would be great to see you again, when are you free"? If you get a vague answer, ditch and move on

You know when you get a really keen man who can’t take a hint and he texts you loads and you just think omg please go away… that is my biggest fear, of being the female version of that man

I wouldn’t. I’ve noticed that time moves differently for some men. What seems like an eternity to me, can be yesterday to my husband. Sometimes the reverse is true.

I think you should just leave it and see what happens. I know that’s not easy and feels weird. But give him a bit of space.

I think your instinct is good here. If he’s interested you will hear from him. If he’s not, chasing him won’t help.

ONe text cant hurt. A simple 'are you free this weekend for dinner' can give you all the answers you want.

You need to note that he replied without asking questions back. That's your bad sign there.

I would do what @Oopsiedaisyy suggests.
It looks like the slow fade to be honest. If he was keen to see you again, he would be making sure your next date was in the calendar.
By asking him straight if he fancies doing somthing, you are not exposing yourself emotionally, but his response will tell you all you need to know.

I would text him

Text him

He messaged last so regardless of whether he asked a direct question, the ball's in your court.

Stop thinking about what he's thinking. Stop trying to guess it. Stop reading anything into minutiae. Ask yourself whether YOU want to see him.

If yes, send a casual message suggesting something. What's the worst that can happen? If he's really trying to fade you out then this will become clearer. If he's not then all's good.

I don't really get the "if he/she really wanted more, they'd chase" line of thinking after a handful of dates. After a handful of dates you still barely know the other person. I never knew how seriously I felt at that point, it's still pretty casual.

Don't overthink it op. Just send one more text asking if he fancies catching up (when you are next free). His reply (or lack of) will tell you all you need to know.

That won't make you needy. If you continue to text after that when he's fobbed you off then that's gonna make you look like you can't take a hint.

No I wouldn't as you've already reached out to him after a few days of nothing, you asked him questions and he didn't answer them. Interested people always reach out and they are quick and keen to ask you questions too, because they are curious to find out more. I'm sure he's capable of starting a conversation if he wants to.

Even if he's playing games of you chasing him, which I doubt, you don't want someone of that mindset.

So the last message was from him, in response to one from you? But you haven’t replied because he didn’t ask you any questions? I know in my messaging I rarely ask (or am asked) direct questions, it’s just an ongoing conversation about stuff, interesting links and memes or general chat. If he messaged last, the ball is in your court, I’d message commenting on something in his last reply and see what happens.

Sadly he’s not though. You’ve already messaged him asking about his weekend and he didn’t ask you anything. You opened up a chance and he was vague.

He's slow fading you. Preserve your dignity and don't pursue him anymore. He obviously knows you are interested. You slept with him. You were the last one to initiate conversation. Trust me when I say he is most definitely not sat by the phone waiting for you to text. That's just not how 99% of men work.

Also, if what you are after is a serious relationship you will have way better chances to find one if you hold off on being intimate with them until you've had the exclusivity talk. Men tend to value women who hold them to a higher standard.

@ikeepdancingonmyown look up Matthew Hussey on youtube. He has excellent advice for women in exactly this type of situation

Personally I'd never take dating advice from anyone who makes sweeping generalisations about the opposite sex.

Drove me nuts when male friends would ask "what women want". I told them I didn't know, women want different things because we're not a homogeneous blob.

Same goes for men.

FWIW I slept with DP the night I met him and we're going strong a decade later. Having sex when you want it isn't lowering your standards or lessening your value. Utter nonsense.