Should I send him a message?

[ikeepdancingonmyown]

Been on several dates with this man, we are both 30. Every date has been lovely and in my head at least I felt like we had a very good connection. We slept together the last couple of times and spent the whole night both times hugging and holding hands. Since then he messaged to ask how it was going but since then the conversation has trailed off and we didn’t message at all for a few days - on Sunday evening I text him to ask how his weekend had been and he replied without asking any questions in return. I am 90% sure he is slow fading although there is 10% part of me which wonders if he is waiting for me to reach out and be a bit more proactive in messaging him as he has always been the one to message first after each date. I understand the whole ‘if he wanted to he would’ school of thought but a male friend told me that men can also subscribe to this (‘if she wanted to she would’) so what if we are both just being stubborn?

Personally I'd never take dating advice from anyone who makes sweeping generalisations about the opposite sex

just someone who did OLD for years, went on 100+ first dates, compared notes with all her single friends and drew the obvious conclusions/noticed the patterns of behaviour 🙂

If you're both initiating messages and dates that's fine, but if you feel like you're the one making all the effort, don't bother.
It sounds like the conversation has just tailed off. Does he normally ask you questions/interested in what you're doing? (through texts).

Having sex when you want it isn't lowering your standards or lessening your value. Utter nonsense.

No, if what you want is casual sex, that's all fine and dandy.

If what you actually want is a relationship, dating exclusively and a bit of commitment, then sleeping with the flaky dude who blows hot and cold or sleeping with the dude who hadn't yet demonstrated he is boyfriend material and is probably seeing others at the same time actually is lowering your standards. Because you accept to be just an option among many of him. It is accepting breadcrumbs when what you actually want is a full course meal.

@ikeepdancingonmyown maybe don't take advice from posters who have been out of the dating market for over a decade and have no idea how it goes nowadays :)

Why on earth would any sane woman want a long term relationship with a man who was happy to sleep with her before "the exclusivity talk", yet who would value her less if she did the same?

Such a man sounds like a hypocritical arsehole from the 1950s to me......

I definitely wouldn't analyse it too much because you'll just go around in circles in your head guessing what he's thinking.

I'd send a breezy last message, nothing questioning his thoughts or anything too deep, just ask if he'd like to go for a drink the weekend or say you were thinking of going 'somewhere' and would he like to go. You'll know after his reply whether he's interested or not.

You've nothing to loose he may just not be a big texter.

What so you have to lose in texting him?
If he wants to see you again you get your answer, if he's not keen you get it too.
It is not a text that would out him off if he was actually interested!

I’m sorry but men who are interested and keen will never make you worry or wonder if you can text.
They will be messaging you and asking you on the next date
I hate to say it but he’s just not that into you

I would concentrate on meeting someone who is more grown up and open.

What so you have to lose in texting him?

what happens when you chase a man who is not 100% into you is that he will lead you on and use you for sex until someone more exciting comes along.

Men don't say no to sex when it's on the table. They gladly take it, put in just enough effort to keep you around, but offer nothing in return. No commitment, no real connection.

Before you know it you've been caught up in a situationship for months and feeling confused and used. Time that could be spent finding someone who is just as kern about you as you are about them

That's what you've got to lose by texting when he's not being consistent and invested.

You’re all so right, I’m not going to text. At least I currently have my dignity if nothing else.

It does sound as if he is not that bothered otherwise he would make it clear he couldn’t wait to see you again. On the other hand you could send one more text than at least you know and you’re not hanging around expecting him to text for the next week.

Sunday evening I text him to ask how his weekend had been and he replied without asking any questions in return

what that the last time you were in touch? What was his texting pattern between dates before? Who initiated the last date?

Was that*

I think he's seeing if you'll instigate first again, seeing as you said he was instigating first all the time.
I'm in a new relationship and at the start it felt like I was doing all the asking out, suggesting places, instigating messages etc and it was annoying me a bit. I pulled back to see if he was interested and it worked. Also he assumed I had lots of options timing wise and expected me to be free for hours on end which I wasn't - I have a life. He felt the need to chase me then. I wasn't playing games but just wanted to see if he was bothered.

You obviously know in your gut how he's playing it and what you think you should do. Just go with that.

I've been seeing someone from old for a few months and he's not once made me feel like this. I realized guys who are really keen will not play these games. It should be natural and comfortable. Throw this one back I'm afraid

In dating you have to get used to the fact that no communication is a communication. It's communicating that they do not wish to communicate with you.

Does he know where you are? Yes.

Does he know how to get in touch with you? Yes. So leave it as it is.

But then I think of the amount of times I’ve left him on read so as not to seem needy, if he subscribed to this view he’d assume I didn’t want to talk to him when actually I have always really liked him

I would agree with the previous poster no communication is clear communication and a change in message style or frequency. Did you meet online as this is the normal pattern in a slow fade. Wishing you the best op and hope you are not feeling too disappointed

So he's left you on read, and you've several times left him on read to not seem needy? Why play these stupid games?!
If you've left him on read several times he probably thinks you aren't arsed. Try communicating and just message him. If you go by half the advice on here it'll be a very difficult dating experience indeed.

What's the focus here, to get a text back or to.see him? Just ask him out and find out.

Sounds game playing by leaving him on read purposely. I get it but then you attract the wrong type of man, most likely a one with an avoidant attachment which means he will always like you standoffish, afraid of commitment etc. You might as well just be yourself and then respect yourself enough that if he doesn't chat back twice then its time to move on and not waste your time. I would text him again one last time, if he doesn't reciprocate then block and move on. Pointless wasting a few weeks wondering if he'll text.

OP it is you that seems to be playing games with how you text him . He’s probably exhausted by you already !

But then I think of the amount of times I’ve left him on read so as not to seem needy, if he subscribed to this view he’d assume I didn’t want to talk to him when actually I have always really liked h*im

So text him then?

I have one of these just now and I feel hounded and suffocated.
I'm trying to find the right and kind way to end it.
Difficult when he's a good person and has done nothing bad.

He didn't make plans to see you last weekend and he hasn't made plans for this weekend. That says it all.