Page 32 | Dating Thread 236 - Swiping, Blocking and Video Calls

Definitelycross · 18/12/2022 10:21

SortingItOut · 18/12/2022 08:53

@Mila14 Just catching up and read your post from a few days ago about FWB and hardly anyone being able to do that without feelings.

I am one of those who can have sex without feelings, it truly is wondrous but is also linked to my emotional unavailability (which I am hoping I am over now I'm starting to date again).

On Friday night I drove an hour away and stayed in a hotel with a guy who I had chatted to for 3 weeks,we planned a night of passionate sex and that's what we did.
I've walked away feeling great and that I don't need to see him again and have no feelings except that it was great. He, however seems to have some feelings on it...hopefully just the oxytocin as i made it clear it was a one off and I'm not looking for a relationship.
The problem I have with FB or FWB is that often the men get the feelings....so then I have to bin them off🙄

I had an iron sorted for this over the holidays. He sent photos of him on booking.com.

He's coming to my city just to be on the safe side.

Plans were in full flow then he started to get feelings and could we meet for coffee first and see where we are at with each other? I said absolutely don't want you feeling uncomfortable. We can take it slowly instead of straight to sex. Then he said but I really want to f* you.

All great. Very happy Deffy. As I sensed his fear I started texting him about my life just now as I'm having a big family weekend this weekend. Showing I'm not just in it for sex if that makes him more comfortable.

Nothing. Since Thursday night. I sent a hi on Friday and he said - hi, busy day. Then that's it.

I've heard nothing at all.

I'm gutted as we seem totally on par sex wise and also when we've chatted. I keep telling myself something important might have come up in his life. But honestly? I think the idea of a steamy night was better in his head than in real life.

I'm sitting on my hands waiting to hear from him

Thisisworsethananticpated · 18/12/2022 10:23

SortingItOut

i love that you can do this !
what happened to the other 2
think 1 x young and 1 x wanted a relationship ?

Thisisworsethananticpated · 18/12/2022 10:25

Definitelycross

thats beyond irritating
I think some men get into a fantasy wank text world then totally brick it

but that’s damm annoying
I’d set an alarm for when if you have not hear you delete and forget

sorry 😞

Definitelycross · 18/12/2022 10:27

Thisisworsethananticpated · 18/12/2022 10:25

Definitelycross

thats beyond irritating
I think some men get into a fantasy wank text world then totally brick it

but that’s damm annoying
I’d set an alarm for when if you have not hear you delete and forget

sorry 😞

I think you're absolutely right.

It's just so fucking irritating.

At the beginning he said how about this Wednesday? Well I've nothing on so I said yes sounds great.

Maybe I've called his bluff.

5thWisdom · 18/12/2022 11:41

@Definitelycross yep, calling their bluff was the name of the game for me. Nobody could actually go through with an actual date for me!

I've deleted all apps for my mental health right now. Christmas just feels like the wrong time.

I'll stay on the thread though, if that's ok. It's good to hear how everyone else is doing - and such good guidance here x

ibelieveinmirrorballs · 18/12/2022 11:53

Definitelycross · 18/12/2022 10:21

I had an iron sorted for this over the holidays. He sent photos of him on booking.com.

He's coming to my city just to be on the safe side.

Plans were in full flow then he started to get feelings and could we meet for coffee first and see where we are at with each other? I said absolutely don't want you feeling uncomfortable. We can take it slowly instead of straight to sex. Then he said but I really want to f* you.

All great. Very happy Deffy. As I sensed his fear I started texting him about my life just now as I'm having a big family weekend this weekend. Showing I'm not just in it for sex if that makes him more comfortable.

Nothing. Since Thursday night. I sent a hi on Friday and he said - hi, busy day. Then that's it.

I've heard nothing at all.

I'm gutted as we seem totally on par sex wise and also when we've chatted. I keep telling myself something important might have come up in his life. But honestly? I think the idea of a steamy night was better in his head than in real life.

I'm sitting on my hands waiting to hear from him

Show quote history

Why does him wanting to meet for coffee first suggest he was getting feelings? I think it sounds like he has started to get cold feet and is backing off.

I really recommend holding off on any sex chat till you’ve met someone - not from a prudish point of view but frankly why be wank fodder for a complete stranger when you don’t even know if you’d fancy them in real life? If you’re looking for NSA you can look on eg Fabswingers but even on sites like that it’s standard practice to meet for a social first so both parties know they feel comfortable.

Definitelycross · 18/12/2022 12:04

5thWisdom · 18/12/2022 11:41

@Definitelycross yep, calling their bluff was the name of the game for me. Nobody could actually go through with an actual date for me!

I've deleted all apps for my mental health right now. Christmas just feels like the wrong time.

I'll stay on the thread though, if that's ok. It's good to hear how everyone else is doing - and such good guidance here x

Yep. I hear you. It's horrible isn't it?

@ibelieveinmirrorballs yes you could be right. I did send him a link to a site like that ages ago.

Yes - definitely cold feet. I know you probably didn't mean it but your post was very blunt and pulled me up short. Maybe I needed that though and I'm kidding myself thinking he could be getting feelings.

I've told him before that I'm not just for his wank bank.

We are friends on Facebook and chat a fair bit too. Well off and on.

Ah well back to it in the New Year.

ibelieveinmirrorballs · 18/12/2022 12:12

@Definitelycross I’m sorry if I came across too blunt. But - there are just so many time wasters on these apps who will tell you what they think you want to hear just to get you to sext with them. Any time you can gain back by moving in swiftly from these types as soon as you sense it is time you can spend either chatting to someone better or focusing on other things in your life.

Don’t forget his behaviour says absolutely nothing about you. Any man who gets to chat to you, meet you, get intimate with you should feel privileged to do so. Don’t give away the best bits to those who don’t deserve you.

Definitelycross · 18/12/2022 12:17

ibelieveinmirrorballs · 18/12/2022 12:12

@Definitelycross I’m sorry if I came across too blunt. But - there are just so many time wasters on these apps who will tell you what they think you want to hear just to get you to sext with them. Any time you can gain back by moving in swiftly from these types as soon as you sense it is time you can spend either chatting to someone better or focusing on other things in your life.

Don’t forget his behaviour says absolutely nothing about you. Any man who gets to chat to you, meet you, get intimate with you should feel privileged to do so. Don’t give away the best bits to those who don’t deserve you.

Absolutely. Thank you so much. I get you.

I think I'm feeling very fragile. Then as I was posting that he messaged me.

But you're right. Don't waste time on time wasters.

Thank you (and I mean that ❤️)

Mila14 · 18/12/2022 13:37

Definitelycross · 18/12/2022 10:21

I had an iron sorted for this over the holidays. He sent photos of him on booking.com.

He's coming to my city just to be on the safe side.

Plans were in full flow then he started to get feelings and could we meet for coffee first and see where we are at with each other? I said absolutely don't want you feeling uncomfortable. We can take it slowly instead of straight to sex. Then he said but I really want to f* you.

All great. Very happy Deffy. As I sensed his fear I started texting him about my life just now as I'm having a big family weekend this weekend. Showing I'm not just in it for sex if that makes him more comfortable.

Nothing. Since Thursday night. I sent a hi on Friday and he said - hi, busy day. Then that's it.

I've heard nothing at all.

I'm gutted as we seem totally on par sex wise and also when we've chatted. I keep telling myself something important might have come up in his life. But honestly? I think the idea of a steamy night was better in his head than in real life.

I'm sitting on my hands waiting to hear from him

Show quote history

You are doing the right thing Deffy. If you want more than sex, so be it. If a guy I haven’t met tells me I want to fuck you I would block instantly

LuckyLinda3 · 18/12/2022 13:38

Is anyone else having niggly wee disagreements at minute. We havent spent a Saturday night together in December due to Christmas parties and missed my birthday dinner last night as he couldn't travel due to bad weather. Wont be together much over xmas due to differing family plans. Feeling so frustrated and irritable, could easily say something I regret🙈

Mila14 · 18/12/2022 13:47

5thWisdom · 18/12/2022 11:41

@Definitelycross yep, calling their bluff was the name of the game for me. Nobody could actually go through with an actual date for me!

I've deleted all apps for my mental health right now. Christmas just feels like the wrong time.

I'll stay on the thread though, if that's ok. It's good to hear how everyone else is doing - and such good guidance here x

I needed a break too Fifthie…nothing wrong with that. I’m still not 100% sure things will work out with MrEx. He always has problems and issues and I’m quite a sunny person. It gets irritating and reminds me why we broke up. He’s in a massive dark mood this weekend. I can’t be walking on eggshells non stop. I will not see him until new year but I’m not feeling this can change enough. I will keep lurking too and probably will start OLD in March or so. I’m in no hurry but I’m not feeling this relationship is making me happy

Mila14 · 18/12/2022 13:54

LuckyLinda3 · 18/12/2022 13:38

Is anyone else having niggly wee disagreements at minute. We havent spent a Saturday night together in December due to Christmas parties and missed my birthday dinner last night as he couldn't travel due to bad weather. Wont be together much over xmas due to differing family plans. Feeling so frustrated and irritable, could easily say something I regret🙈

exactly right. Having crisis at the moment about that too. I’m travelling and have the kids so I can’t really meet and I had all this organised before MrEx and I decided to get back to having a relationship. He complains ALL THE TIME

LuckyLinda3 · 18/12/2022 13:57

Aw @Mila14 it's not easy and I know it's a difficult/busy time of year for everyone. I'm starting to wonder if we will get through it without a major fall out and questioning his effort/energy but then reminding myself how busy we both have been/are separately.

5thWisdom · 18/12/2022 14:35

@Mila14 I'm sorry to hear that he is in a bad place. Is it related to not being able to see you or other life factors? Does he articulate how he is feeling and communicate with you, or shut down?

It's hard when it then brings you down and you wonder yes, whether the relationship adds or removes from your life.

Mila14 · 18/12/2022 14:59

5thWisdom · 18/12/2022 14:35

@Mila14 I'm sorry to hear that he is in a bad place. Is it related to not being able to see you or other life factors? Does he articulate how he is feeling and communicate with you, or shut down?

It's hard when it then brings you down and you wonder yes, whether the relationship adds or removes from your life.

He’s in a mad spot at work at the moment, which I have tried to understand…but he goes on about how this and that is shit and goes to the cave too. Doesn’t help he drinks too much in my opinion. It’s hard work and I love my life and can’t apologise for that frankly. I keep smiling even though I have bad days. He’s unable to switch off.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 18/12/2022 16:56

Mila14

sorry to hear about pre Xmas cave
he’s a caver anyway I recall and this time of the year isn’t kind to mental health
and winter + extra alcohol won’t help

leave him to his cave , you have your kids and your life now ?

assess after Xmas maybe ?

hope you can enjoy the coming week regardless x

Mila14 · 18/12/2022 17:20

Thisisworsethananticpated · 18/12/2022 16:56

Mila14

sorry to hear about pre Xmas cave
he’s a caver anyway I recall and this time of the year isn’t kind to mental health
and winter + extra alcohol won’t help

leave him to his cave , you have your kids and your life now ?

assess after Xmas maybe ?

hope you can enjoy the coming week regardless x

I’m incredibly well Worsy…this is the thing. I’m looking forward to this festive days and I’m really happy. I can’t help him. I’m not his psychiatrist. I don’t need this constant negativity. He’s losing me
He just texted me I LOVE YOU but I am deaf tonight

honey761 · 18/12/2022 17:22

For those of you using Match..please be warned that a prolific con artist is back in business - I know him well. As I am unable to post specific details of individuals publically please DM. He is currently showing an age 10 years younger than he is. A total fantasist. Do ask. He is highly persuasive.

honey761 · 18/12/2022 17:37

He is British Australian with Italian heritage.

5thWisdom · 18/12/2022 17:38

I met my abusive ex on Match so won't ever go back on there. I only wish he would carry a warning sign above his head. It's so hard to think of him out there ready and looking out to hurt the next one. Because he will.

This crossed my mind a lot with the older men, that they could be serial abusers. Maybe that's why I was drawn to the younger ones, where I had more life experience. Don't know.

honey761 · 18/12/2022 17:40

This one is a serial abuser. I stuck around too long.. had one foot 'in' one foot 'out' - nearly cost me my mental health.

MyNewNewlife · 18/12/2022 19:42

Ok, my first post so quick background. Been separated from an angry man for almost 4 years, divorced 18 months ago. Decided in summer to be open to dating again.
In July i was invited to go see a gig by someone in a fb group I'm in. Terrified, but I said yes. He's a very good communicator when engaged but inconsistent, a bit hot and cold. I found it so confusing at first so decided to keep him as a friend but not look for anything more than good company now n then. He's suggested 'benefits' now and then but I say no and we laugh it off. He's clever witty and I like him alot but I know there's no future. I'll call him Talkative because we talk at least 5 times a week.

Then 2 months ago I bumped into a guy i went to school with. Let's call him blast from the past BFP for short 😁 Clicked instantly laughing talking and he was very clear and intentional. He's really handsome (everyone who sees a picture says wow!) and sweet to me. I'm trying to relax with him and appreciate how attentive he is but I just don't feel as connected. Historically he was quite hot tempered verbally, and got into a few scrapes as a younger man but says he has matured and while he might shoot off at the mouth now n then he avoids conflict these days. He has been nothing but calm and patient towards me. He's really keen to become a couple. I'm in no rush.

Neither have kids. Mine are adults now.

I I feel like I should probably walk away from both of them but don't wanna throw in the towel without thinkingvit through. If talker was as intentional as BFP I'd be happily off the market

So any wisdom for me?

Mila14 · 18/12/2022 20:19

honey761 · 18/12/2022 17:40

This one is a serial abuser. I stuck around too long.. had one foot 'in' one foot 'out' - nearly cost me my mental health.

Oh my goodness. So sad you had to go through that. I hope he didn’t steal from you or abused you in a bad way. Thank you for posting here

Mila14 · 18/12/2022 20:22

MyNewNewlife · 18/12/2022 19:42

Ok, my first post so quick background. Been separated from an angry man for almost 4 years, divorced 18 months ago. Decided in summer to be open to dating again.
In July i was invited to go see a gig by someone in a fb group I'm in. Terrified, but I said yes. He's a very good communicator when engaged but inconsistent, a bit hot and cold. I found it so confusing at first so decided to keep him as a friend but not look for anything more than good company now n then. He's suggested 'benefits' now and then but I say no and we laugh it off. He's clever witty and I like him alot but I know there's no future. I'll call him Talkative because we talk at least 5 times a week.

Then 2 months ago I bumped into a guy i went to school with. Let's call him blast from the past BFP for short 😁 Clicked instantly laughing talking and he was very clear and intentional. He's really handsome (everyone who sees a picture says wow!) and sweet to me. I'm trying to relax with him and appreciate how attentive he is but I just don't feel as connected. Historically he was quite hot tempered verbally, and got into a few scrapes as a younger man but says he has matured and while he might shoot off at the mouth now n then he avoids conflict these days. He has been nothing but calm and patient towards me. He's really keen to become a couple. I'm in no rush.

Neither have kids. Mine are adults now.

I I feel like I should probably walk away from both of them but don't wanna throw in the towel without thinkingvit through. If talker was as intentional as BFP I'd be happily off the market

So any wisdom for me?

Neither talker nor BFP have kids and yours are adults now. You can really enjoy yourself now. I think if you don’t want FWB you need to drop talker . Give BFP a chance if you really fancy him and you believe you fancy him