Dating Thread 236 - Swiping, Blocking and Video Calls

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

New thread!

🤣🤣🤣
you are GOOOOOOD!!!!!!! -had completely forgotten I gave him a random name 🤣🤣🤣🤣

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss

im sorry , dealing with a mentally distraught teen is so hard , especially when a good alone parent

NoDatingForOldMen
im so sorry , you are right to be stoic and it’s a shitty time , Xmas and mum in hospital etc

hope you can find something good to do - disappointing

We've already agreed that our romance will include a budget for frequent boutique hotels what with my teens and his lodgers.

I was very much looking forward to having him here at mine. Especially as he's bringing tools and dealing with some stubborn minor DIY type issues for me, teaching me how to play guitar, meeting my bro who is in town for Xmas and enjoying some cosy home cooked fodder.

It's a first world problem I know this.
Teens are looking healthier today so there is a small glimmer of optimism that plans will go ahead. I've bought fizz and am in a cleaning, bed linen changing whirlwind!

Ladies, I got my divorce 2 weeks ago. I am 2+ stone overweight after lockdown and some serious issues with my now exH but finally feeling better about myself and I'm settled with the kids in our new place. I have a lot of residual worries about being with someone else as my last relationship was for my entire adult life. I am looking for a friendship that might develop more rather than hook ups. I'm frankly terrified of anything else as my ex had a few issues I won't mention here but I have a much, much longer list of what I'm not looking for than what I am!
Addictions, financial insecurity, lying, being an arse, yeah- that's pretty much it!

Do I dip my toe or is in it really the pit of snakes some people say it is? I'm definitely not after jumping straight into sex, although the right person could sway me. Am I odd about that? I think my ex really switched me off on that front so maybe it's there waiting to be reignited... Help! I am late 40s btw with 3 kids, eldest a teenager.

Thank you for reading!

Oncey, I’m so sorry…can they spend time alone and you go to MrCars? Why can’t you sleep at his?
Kids are an issue for most of us when dating. I’m now on a long stint of kids frenzy. Will not be a bit free until January…

We’ve been there…many of us in this thread are divorced with kids. Don’t worry. Take the dating with a pinch of salt and perhaps just to have a little fun. You don’t need to do anything you don’t feel like.
Don’t worry about the weight either. You will lose it if you want when you are a bit more settled. There’s no hurry and you are just out of a long bad relationship.
If you do decide to date, you will get honest, no holds barred advise and good ideas here
Best wishes

I forgot about the lodgers 😱… best of luck with teens leaving! I think it’s brilliant you are introducing Mr Cars to your brother…this is a big step in a relationship Oncey.

It isn't a big step really @Mila14 as I don't really see or speak to my brother other than once at Xmas and secretly I'm using him as a test as to how MrCars is with other people ahead of an away break at NYE to see my friends.

Having him here 🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞would be a lot more nice than at his as my house is not at all blokey and have loads of pubs and restaurants in a short stroll away. He is in the sticks and yep the lodgers. It's a bit cringe tbh.

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss hope you don’t mind me asking why does MrCars live in a house share/have lodgers? Just curious that’s all ...hope you get to have your rendezvous 🙂

He has a big house @ilovebrie8 and likes having other people around plus they help pay the mortgage. He has considered moving to a smaller place where he would live alone but he thinks he'd be lonely plus he has a fleet of classic cars so bought this place more for its car storage potential plus he's a keen gardener and he's done a lot to the garden to accomodate veg and fruit growing so he's decided to stay put.

When my kids were little we spent time in a couple of communal living arrangements ourselves so I'm familiar and comfortable with the concept.

His lodgers would ideally be Mon-Fri fellas but the current two work strange shift patterns so can often be around at weekends too.

Teens are packing and proceeding towards their adventures tomorrow. I'm an atheist but finding myself doing some uncharacteristic wishing/praying

😂😂😂

This sounds positive! Keeping everything crossed for you and hope they're feeling better!

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss Also atheist/agnostic, but I'm praying for you now 🙏😊

Sounds positive ! Have fun 😉

I have a similar set-up, with one full-time lodger. It’s a bit awkward sometimes when Mr B is here but you get used to it. I grew up in a commune so to me it’s natural! Plus the tax-free rent and free dog-sitting is great 😊

i recognise a lot of myself and my situation in you and yours. I will say this: basing a relationship on character and steadiness -and great sex rather than amazing looks and hilarity and great sex is working for me, so go for it!

How funny @BaddogGooddoggy and thanks for the insights.

He's rapidly turning into my favourite bestie and every time I think of him I get a definite deep loin stirring.

I also keep thinking "That's exactly what I thought having a husband would be like - saying/doing/behaving/offering to do that sort of thing... But it was not".

Oncey…you are not immune to falling in love with MrCars…I love the way you talk about him ❤️

Keeping everything crossed @OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss 🤞🤞
it all sounds really promising!!!

@Lovemusic33 How did it go with Mr Cherry meeting your DD?

@Mila14 Just catching up and read your post from a few days ago about FWB and hardly anyone being able to do that without feelings.

I am one of those who can have sex without feelings, it truly is wondrous but is also linked to my emotional unavailability (which I am hoping I am over now I'm starting to date again).

On Friday night I drove an hour away and stayed in a hotel with a guy who I had chatted to for 3 weeks,we planned a night of passionate sex and that's what we did.
I've walked away feeling great and that I don't need to see him again and have no feelings except that it was great. He, however seems to have some feelings on it...hopefully just the oxytocin as i made it clear it was a one off and I'm not looking for a relationship.
The problem I have with FB or FWB is that often the men get the feelings....so then I have to bin them off🙄

Please can I have some opinions? I'm very inexperienced with OLD. Phonecalls all week with a guy, he makes me laugh, I fancy him, lots of good qualities. BUT. A short term relationship ended for him Aug. On 2 separate occasions when he has described going somewhere that day he said 'we'. 😬
Another red flag, is he keeps bringing women into the conversation, woman at work, at the gym, this friend etc, in touch sometimes with a few exes. I think surely if he's trying to impress me, why feel the need to do that? or am I being sensitive? Is he insecure and letting me know I have competition? he's a clever, good looking guy.

@SortingItOut …I think you are an example of people who can really really enjoy FWB and FB. Many guys dating are also like this. As you say, it depends fully on how emotional available you are. Also you are pretty sorted and independent . Some of us are get attached issues and we need to feel loved. We also have to work at things probably because we do have attachment/loss/ dependence issues.
I think we all should do whatever makes us happy and does not hurt us at all. I protect myself a lot but my barrier is totally gone now with MrEx which probably is not very sensible! But we all carry some kind of issue after our marriages somehow

these guys with a lot of women friends and popular with exes are charlatans. That’s my experience. I dated one briefly and he was a pathological liar. I’m sure he was seeing other ladies too and “we” was ubiquitous. He was really good looking and clever too. I dumped him pronto when I realised he lied about things. He was always visiting ladies in different places who were old friends from the past who were all sick or had a sick son and were good friends from the past and blah blah. I think some people are full of shit. Follow your gut instinct

You're my hero!

I think this is what I need. The pleasure of a man without the complications and demands of a relationship whilst I sort myself out.