Dating Thread 236 - Swiping, Blocking and Video Calls

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

New thread!

@Mila14 really interesting insights.
Mine also goes into a cave.
Mine over 50 and terrific body -daily running etc so am only too aware that he is rare case of of super hot over 50 -if he were not so shy he would have a harem but he is lacking in confidence and so think the cave thing has put other women off.

JangolinaPitt

yours sounds like mine
be careful with the harem thinking 🤔

I have a tendency to think because I find a man hot many other women do also
it’s drives some jealous thinking and it’s not super healthy (for me )

but maybe Serb does have a potential harem and I’m overthinking !!!!

Loads of great insights this week, thanks all!

i can echo many of them:

since rebasing my alcohol use by doing dry January in 2022, with the support of this thread, I now have only one glass of wine a night, which suits me very well. I accept now that I’ll probably never want to be teetotal enough to give up my evening ‘treat’

two or three times a week in a very small HIIT class for the last year have got me feeling incredibly empowered, I’ve just turned 60 but I feel great. So much so that I called my pension adviser and told him I want to work (and carry on paying into my SIPP - self-employed) until 67 just because I have all this energy!

I've had my first Christmas zombie, Mr Smooth from three years ago (ONS when not yet exclusive with Mr B). He’s horny and lonely, still. So many sad men in their 50s and 60s with no support network and zero insight into how their actions have got them there…

I think this is sad but true about self-awareness, I’m not good looking or toned ( sorry, can’t stand the gym). But I am active and well groomed and have found this to be more of bra-loosener then pretty much anything else.

and just for balance obesity rates in the UK are higher in women than men, but men are are more likely to be overweight than women

I’m with Jangolina and Worsy…super hot man. Unfortunately all my friends swoon over MrEx and I am clearly punching above my weight. MrEx knows he’s “easy on the eye” though. It used to drive me crazy with jealousy, but now…I just think it will be what it will be. It never helped when I was OLD that my friends always found my dates not as good looking as MrEx…He’s the most beautiful man I have ever dated at any age.
MrEx has said he was not hoping to date anyone he fancied more than me when single and he made peace with that. It used to enrage me when he said that. I’m still taking it slow and not making long term plans as I used to before.

@BaddogGooddoggy

So many sad men in their 50s and 60s with no support network and zero insight into how their actions have got them there…

This is so true. Instead, many older ladies having a grand life in older years. My mom has a lot of widowed and single women friends. They are fabulous, travel, exercise and have great fun. Some have no kids but do a lot of family things with nieces and nephews etc. Women have a better aging on their own.

Older men alone are normally insular and quite sad as they age alone

BaddogGooddoggy

yes ❤️

my parent had major knee and hip surgery this year and so
so the exercise and good for mental health and nudity reasons

but I also want to stay strong
I’ll be working till I’m bloody 70 at this rate

but I’m catching up with you in a decade and I’d love to be saying what you are saying

impressed

I haven't found any man near my age, 55, that is real and looks after themselves.

This sounds so arrogant but I know I'm a good looking woman, I have a very quick wit and masters level education. But men aren't there. I sent a message to a guy on a site who had most but definitely not all I was looking for. He said 'a like won't get you a date but a message might'. He came back with 'Sorry Deffy you're not a match for me'.

No coffee. No chat. No nothing. I looked at what he was looking for and his expectations were mad. Particularly around the age. I got the impression he either saw himself as wanting someone a lot younger so he could be the big man. Or he actually believed he was a huge prize.

But honestly the men, of my age, are mainly not all that.

Obviously I'm in a very small dating pool. Don't want to out myself. But I think the phrase 'rocking horse poo' is valid.

Again, I don't want to sound arrogant, because I'm really not.

I think the dating pool issue is a real problem if you not in a densely populated area , I’m rural and most of women in my age range were either a bit dull and mumsey or divorced farmers wives, who were really looking for divorced farmers to date.
but if I reset my location to a metropolitan area there was lots more choice.

Haven't caught up but get the gist seeing chat of fellas over 50 and their looks and MrEx swoonsome fitness and gwargeousness.

Here's some potentially related thoughts from me.

I think I might not have come to terms with my changing (declining) looks over the decades now a 50 year old carrying some extra weight but prior to marriage like most of us a pretty young thing (didn't realise it at the time ffs but used to have hotter than hot boyfriends).

In my early and recent OLD adventures I was honing in on the beautiful ones plus needing them to have interesting profiles.
Most flings ended by them.

When I decided to look beyond looks and only focus on personality and that being a good match with mine I met MrCars.

That's where the story stops.

No idea how this new approach will turn out other than unlike the others he claims he sees me as gorgeous, beautiful and can't believe his luck, gets the raging horn just thinking about me. This is a great thing and I also have the hots for him big time despite by comparison to some of my mad/bad/sad exes he is less obvious eye candy/model material.

He also thinks we are great mates who have infinite endless things to chat about and similar interests. I agree. And he's very emotionally intelligent.

So anyway. Realising I was 'punching above my weight' in the looks dept (which I hadn't realised I was) lead to me punching below my weight in the personality dept and this lead to disappointing relationship experiences.

This new way feels less heady but more solid and grounded.

Maybe I’m being a bit dense but I’ve always assumed I’d be with men roughly my age +-

so Im 49 and my iron is 47

i quite like men who are same age and have lived through similar things etc
Divorce
9/11
lady Di !

so im hoping this also applies when im 55 ?

im worried there is an invisible marker and they turn 50 and say NO ! Only a 35 year old for me !!!!

i also wonder why a 35 year old would want a 50 year old - unless it’s a power money thing which is 🤢 and would rule that man out anyway

Thank you @Mila14 ,this makes much sense and I really do need to chill and see where it takes me. Less overthinking!

Mr Ex is 53 I am 46 .I seriously always thought he could date a 30 year old. he’s also in a top city power job. But you know what OLD has done for me? It’s given me a security I didn’t have. I’ve dated really good looking eligible guys and some that were not, but my self esteem is much higher than it used to. I’m not that jealous about MrEx and I know this second time round, if we don’t make it, I will be totally ready to OLD again. I think I will take my time and not jump into conclusions until I know. However …I will NOT change my criteria. My criteria stays because I don’t want to make “effort”. I’d rather be alone.

The reason OLD did not work for me at all was was being in love with someone else and not having that issue resolved. I am sure there are a lot of us wrong’uns dating when we really shouldn’t. MrEx did the same thing. Next time I do OLD I will make mega sure I don’t have a second agenda with someone I fancy and I’m in love with. To me this second chance is all I am ok with. I can’t change MrEx but I know my limits a lot better and I am still on the fence about the future.

There are guys over 45 -55 and older that are very very eligible ladies. But sometimes is luck, and finding them really clear in the head after divorce or a long loving relationship with someone else gone wrong.

A lot of this OLD thing is not about you or him …it’s about meeting the right person at the right MOMENT in both your life and theirs. LUCK is a real thing

I totally believe you. Hang in there and choose an app where you can pick the guys not them you. Takes time Deffy and a lot of luck.
I realise a lot of guys we like on first look would prefer a 30 year old with no baggage but those are not the guys we would like to spend time with anyway.

This is looking great and very solid with MrCars. As long as you are happy and it works for you it really doesn’t matter how what others think.
You may fall in love too and he probably will fall in love with you too. I’m a total romantic.

Fell upon this thread v interesting reading. I’m not single but I think it gets harder and harder to find someone you like/gel with the older you get. In your younger years it’s easy ....as the years pass and life stuff happens it’s much harder I reckon. Think if I’m ever single again I’d stay that way lol! I agree with the poster that said decent 55 year olds are v thin on the ground. I’m around that age keep myself fit, make an effort have a good job etc. It scares me to think if I had to start again ...there is a guy I work with similar age as me he looks much much older, grey hair dressed in cardigans and seems a bit like a grumpy old man. In comparison I look considerably different there seems to be no equivalent...hey ho! Just some thoughts ...am not bigging myself up at all just what I’ve seen when you look at those similar age wise. It’s a minefield ...

Totally right. There are really nice men but coming out of significant relationships, not over divorce or separation…etc…minefield indeed

You tell her Paddy!!

Sorry wrong thread 😂

there is a guy I work with similar age as me he looks much much older, grey hair dressed in cardigans and seems a bit like a grumpy old man

Do you work with me by any chance ? 😂

I started going grey in late 20’s and dyed my hair for about 15 years, but I embrace the silver fox now… 🦊 before I need a combover.

NoShow is a year younger with no grey, but she dyes regularly, so I think that’s cheating really..

Thanks all.

Yes I'm grey myself so that doesn't bother me at all. It's just - god this sounds so shallow - if they're putting up their best photos then Jesus Christ

And yes Mila it is definitely timing.

I'm impatient but need to stop being so.

@NoDatingForOldMen maybe lol!🤣
that’s true about the grey I have highlights ...so it is cheating a little 😉

Two night sexy sleepover very much at risk of not being able to happen now as youngest teen had two full blow viral psychotic episodes last night (no idea if that's the right phrase but will use it anyway) - screaming, head banging, biting, kicking etc until cold water chugged and paracetamol issued.
I've diagnosed dehydration and overheated.
Hope she spends today in bed recovering so she and her big sister can hop on the train tomorrow towards their London hotel else MrCars won't be able to come and they have no plans to ever leave the house overnight again. One is going to their dads for two days over Xmas and the other one can't face it so no chance of a post Xmas love-in here.

It's a bit depressing really but am refusing to be anything other than stoic. I think MrCars is feeling stressed out by the possibility our planned time together might be scratched. We had so many plans of things to do.

Bummer but I guess this is the reality of me dating right now and another reason why I knocked it on the head two years ago as became logistically challenging once they refused to go to their dad's 🥺

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss that does indeed sound like a bummer.

Im in the same boat with NoShow, the Xmas bonkathon has turned into a NoGo due do various logistical issues.
being stoic about it and have a stiff upper lip ( no pun intended), is the only way to deal with these setbacks I think, there will be other days of fun to come

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss @NoDatingForOldMen I'm sorry to hear about these circumstances meaning that your adult fun times are delayed or postponed. This is the reality of life with responsibilities and it's tough.

The disappointment and frustration must be difficult. Is there any way of turning the anticipation into a positive? Have some fun with it? I know it's not the same.