Dating Thread 236 - Swiping, Blocking and Video Calls

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

New thread!

I think the questions are a starting point, if a bit dry like a job interview,
I can see how someone who can only send / receive messages during the evening might send something like that to accelerate the chat

The mothership extra info

I think there are so many time wasters in OLD it’s really annoying. I wanted to know…I can be a PAIN IN THE ARSE but I just didn’t want to waste my valuable evening with someone I can’t even start having a chat with
I can be honest here because this is what we are here for.

Supposing I find him attractive and he’s over 6’1” or 6’1” ( those that say 6’ are normally shorter in my experience and I like very tall guys, sorry)

1. really single? Divorced? Separated?Since when?
2. do you live in a separate place ( I can’t be bothered with people living with their ex, sorry)
3. kids? Ages? I clearly preferred teens or older because they can sort themselves out a bit more but this was not a deal breaker either. I would have dated someone with a little kids too if he was awesome. I could not date guys without kids. Bachelor lifestyle and not having to compromise totally for other human beings was a dela breaker for me. Sorry again for those who have no kids.
4. I know this is not for everyone but job, profession and did you go to uni? Etc. I want to gage their cultural level somehow. I prefer someone with similar background and economic level. I know I sound like a bitch but I was auditing for a life partner
5. are you in linked in? I need to check you before we meet, sorry
6. physical exercise, drinking habits, eating ?
7. then tattoos, music, books etc. I don’t need to have your same hobbies or to like your same music but being culturally curious is a must.

I’m sure I leave things out but I always wanted to sass all this stuff out. I was looking for a life partner not a FWB

I failed miserably at OLD in 8 months. But not because there wasn’t really good guys that were quite eligible but because I was in love with MrEx and we were still meeting during those 8 months ( dinners in nice places and lunches etc, basically dating even if we didn’t DTD)…eventually with ended up DTD too and my dates could not compare on that either. So I sabotaged the whole thing by lying to myself. I never invested much on any guy and discarded quick.

There are guys JUST LIKE ME out there. They date and are lovely and Rick all your boxes but they are in love with someone else and never admit it to a date. Beware too. Please pass page if there’s no emotional connection coming from him. We are in love with someone else and not with you. We will never be in love with you either

MrEx confessed he dated and hurt a lot of people. He could never connect to really nice ladies because he was seeing me and he was in love. He would not go to dates arranged with ladies if I wanted to meet him for dinner or movie.

We didn’t mean to. But we hurt some people surely. We ghosted and unmatched and were just not ready. We didn’t mean to be difficult but we really didn’t know what to do.

Please make sure the guy you like is really really available and over his ex girlfriend. They are mainly all over their ex wives but if they are still living with her or are too friendly with her…I would avoid . If they are super friendly with ex girlfriend and meeting her at the drop of a hat…they are best avoided…they still want her.

Deffy, how are you today? I realise there is a huge load after 33 years you need to digest somehow? Are you or have you considered counselling?

I am back to kids full life until end of the year now. So time to concentrate in family as I was without teens for over a very lovely delicious ultra selfish and indulgent week 😈 with MrEx around all the time

Worsy, how are you lovely? Are you managing to steer away from WhatsApp with Balkan? How’s counselling and HRT conundrum treating you?

Jangolina, you ok too? Still lived up with MrSerb?

Fifthie , it’s really difficult to properly date just before Christmas in general as people are busy with family takes central stage. I think new year opens up the field a bit a gives more clarity.

Howlongy…did you manage to talk to Mrs Show about your issues? It’s really important she feels you are still all in with her, but feeling a bit overwhelmed by other life issues. Her company and a cuddle would be lovely.
Do you have any plans with her over Christmas? Has she indicated anything about meeting her kids?

Mila14
ah bless you for asking 😊

actually counselling is quite good . I realised that for 22 years I was in survival Mode with ex and work and kids and never really had time to think abiut why I am how I am

a major issue for me is jealousy , I’m not proud of this but I’ve looked in detail at every single one of balkans female Facebook friend to see if they are hot
I’d also know his ex wife if I saw her in the street 😵‍💫

I don’t like this and it makes me feel shit abiut itself and angry with him (for nothing !)

im also calming down a bit a reacting less (a bit)

im also shit sacred of intimacy , majorly

it’s all a bit self centred and naval gazing I suppose ! But I also think it’s an investment into my well-being and I’ve got a few more years in this planet and I want them to be better

hope your reunion with Ex stays happy 😊

That all said
I could actually be a private detective

as there ain’t no one I can’t track down 😱

😂😂😂 …you know…I never ever checked MrEx’s wife. Ever. I just never felt jealous that way. I could not stop thinking about MrEx for the first years ( and even today…although I am less obsessed) but I have never checked any of his social media and I have 0 interest into doing that. I think some parcels of life are his and some are mine. I don’t want to be stalked either. You can do this with Balkan and not feel bad about it please. You are in that territory of wanting someone but knowing it is a difficult situation with him. The reality is you don’t want anyone else and you are invested in Balkan.
Would it be ok for you and Balkan to discuss where you are emotionally? Maybe meet for dinner or a lunch and just not only sex ( but sex too PLEASE)?

I think you are lovely and have lovely years ahead.😘

the list above from mila looks very impressive!
Personally I don’t like shorter women so has to be 5’ 6ish and taller, in not bothered about education or finding ppl in linked in

and I’m not really foodie either, so anyone talking about fine dining, fancy expensive holidays etc would be out really, also ppl with Horses are out !

Children are an interesting one, would certainly avoid women with school aged children.

lastly, they must actually like me, and that’s the most important thing really, I’m not looking for a life partner, just someone who can tolerate me…

@Mila14 Yes & thank you for asking, I would say we are on a dating - hiatus right now, we are not really seeing each other or anyone else, no current Christmas plans, we both going back to respective family parts of the country, but saying that I’m supposed to working on standby on the days between axman and new year’s so I’m thinking about booking a hotel somewhere for a bonkathon ( is that the right word ? ),

I have met her son, he is looking to join the Army next year.

Xmas not axman, at hospital right now so typing is tricky

Axman!!!! 🪓😂😂😂
excellent stuff Howlongy. Whatever works for you. I know this is a difficult time with your mom and we wish best wishes.You are an excellent son.

I love the hotel bonkathon plans…keep the mothership posted about your sexy times 😊…it’s brilliant having your input here. Mrs Show is a lucky lady! Reach out to her if you need it Howlongy…you’d be surprised. We want to be there and help the person we are closest to

Thanks, I only really drop in every often now & this tread fair rattles along.
Never really sure if my comments are welcome ( or my puns), as I do seen to go against the grain a bit sometimes

Would it be ok for you and Balkan to discuss where you are emotionally?

😱😱😱😱😱😱
I don’t think either of us want that 😂

NoDatingForOldMen

good luck with mum and hospital visits x

Womaaaan!! I don’t understand you…you pin for him, you check all the women in his media, you miss him and you want him…you even wish he would be a support when you are having a tough time with kids…what is wrong with being “friends”?
I have to admit I could never understand FWB, it would soon get too personal for me

Am trying to work out how to very politely say to MrCars that I wish he'd stop mentioning his fairly recent ex.

They were together for 3.5 years and he knew her kids well. Suspect he was heartbroken when she ended it early this year and also misses her family and animals as well as her.

Not sure why I get slightly irritated my the very occasional mention of her I probably shouldn't but wondering how rubbish I'd appear if I mentioned I'd prefer it if her name didn't pop up.

He has asked nil Qs re my 4.5 years post divorce dating adventures other than last (bonky hotel) weekend he queried and when id last 'done something like that' (and annoyingly I gave him a unintentionally false answer of 2 years ago when it should have been 2 months ago....)

I'll bet he's got no clue I'm not into references to his ex as I do mention my kids' dad occasionally but in a 🤬way and also because we were together for 20 years so most of my grown up life anecdotes/experiences were with him.

AIBU thinking I ought to consider telling him something about my failings not enjoying any mentions of his ex. I'm not usually a jealous type so I'm not at all sure as to what emotions I'm experiencing there?

He's generally incredibly into me being forthright about things that don't work for me re the way he does/words things. He seems very very emotionally intelligent and open.

I suspect he liked and admired her a great deal so in some ways perfectly reasonable to mention her as a key person in his life for a good chunk of time.

Mila14

i don’t know ! But that’s where I’m at
lets see what happens in 2023

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss

can you say something like

‘get you might have some incomplete emotions about your ex , but I really don’t think your new sexual partner is the optimal person to discuss them with ??

then fix a firm gaze and a smile 😊

really annoys me when men do this

I think it’s again due to the fact they don’t have close male friends to discuss with ?

This would drive me mad.

Could you approach it like you train a puppy - reward good behaviour, ignore unwanted ones? Whenever he mentions her, just ignore or change subject. Don't ask follow up questions.

Is there a legitimate reason for referring to her each time?

Not sure how helpful that is, but I'd definitely run the risk of it blowing up in my face if I tried to tackle that head on - I'm useless at hiding my feelings on my face and I'd come across as a jealous crazy woman.

Is he definitely over her a lá Mila and her ex experience? Apologies, I can't recall if you're looking for a meaningful relationship with Mr Cars? I'd tread carefully if so. The mentionitis wouldn't sit well with me...but I do get terribly jealous.

Bring on 2023 Worsy…little by little you’ve made almost a year with Balkan right? is he seeing other people or just you all this time? does it bother you if was to see someone else for similar arrangement?

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss also asking you when you last had intimate activities with someone else? Hmmm.

Reminds me of when my abusive ex said to me "well I've never had complaints from previous partners" when I wasn't feeling it.

Discussing previous sexual activities with new partner. Just no.

THIS!

Thanks @5thWisdom that's very much how I've been working until now. Ignoring text mentions and giving a vague glazed eyed 'Mmmm.' and changing the subject.

I'll keep it under review. The long list of great characteristics she had when he went to visit her to drop off a load of donations from his late mother had me 'Oh great I'm very pleased your ex was so fabulous' (not)

He's great at bigging me up and letting me know how fabulous he thinks I am.

No idea why it's made me feel a bit 🙄 but glad to test it here that I'm not alone.

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss

actually I said that 😁
not 5th wisdom

Oncey…I have a different problem with Mr Ex ex wife. She stalked me. I will say no more. She’s been quite present in a negative way. Now he does not want to say anything about her.
I think it’s a very different thing if he remembers her fondly. That’s not good to be honest. I really don’t mind at all hearing…”oh I did this with ex wife in 2000 or whatever”. I feel 0 jealousy to be honest.

I think you don’t really know what you want from MrCars as you also say there’s 0 chance of falling in love with him. He was in love with her and can fall in love with you. Just enjoy and don’t worry. He’s not your love and you say no chance of falling in love. It has 0 importance that he mentions someone who was his love in passing.

Enjoy your time with him and the naughtiness until you move to someone you can really fall in love with