Dating Thread 236 - Swiping, Blocking and Video Calls

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

New thread!

Boo for the mix up, but yay for tomorrow! Excited for you ☺️

@5thWisdom that annoys the fuck out of me. I sometimes think they're married and just having mess around

Mmm.

I'm now up to 8 messages with what look like nice, decent men with no reply.

Friendly opening questions about their day, managing to stay warm in the cold weather, comment on their profile etc.

Zip.

5thWisdom

I think a lot of engagement depends on when you message

if and when I get back online I’d stuck with evening only and nearer the weekend and maybe after a few vinos

I struggle to be flirty and chatty during a work day etc so maybe other men are the same ?

its worth experimenting ?

I do think you're on to something there. Maybe it's too easy for me as I WFH.

Ideally I'd like to be messaging earlier in week to line up those (non-existent) dates for the weekend 🥴🙄😣

Wfh is a killer
so yes it suits me as a single mum

but I’m BORED and lonely !
so I’ve been trying to get off phone and get out daily and do classes etc

hence my frenetic whatsapping of men until I recently put my foot down to myself

even Balkan I’m not messaging him so much
and I miss him but the WhatsApp was causing misunderstanding and mini disagreements

its a slippery slope and gets addictive
wasn’t healthy for me

the dates will come

I hear you, 100%.

Glad you're getting to be in a better place. You're 100% right.

@5thWisdom I also wfh and realise that I have the same pattern as you. What @Thisisworsethananticpated does, makes so much sense. But I'm so impatient at times.

I had a convo starting today with "just my type' and this one has more or less the same kind of profile as the not very nice Mr Skier - is that the algorithm? Same nationality, comes here often for work but doesn't live here. 😨 The profiles don’t immediately suggest similarity but the data not shown is obviously similar. I don't know what to believe any more.

Any emerging chats last night from yesterday matchings @5thWisdom

I'm in agreement with others. I'd only be able to do initial chit chat on weekends and evenings would not expect any juicy comms during a working day.

Date 3 update..yesterday evening met for drink and grabbed some food in a country pub. Lots more chat, but also starting to talk more about more serious topics and past life experiences. This was a bit tricky as I didn't want to divulge too much due to feeling vulnerable. However we both shared stuff...and I guess we will now have to see how it plays out. After the meal and chat we snogged in the carpark and the next date will be at the weekend, and although not planned fully, I would very much imagine that this will include getting to know each other more intimately.

Excellent stuff. I think it’s really difficult to lay yourself vulnerable in front of someone you fancy the pants of but if he’s also doing the same…that is an awesome connection. Next… shaggathon 😂😂😂

Oncey… when is your next date with MrCars? Do you want to go back to checking OLD in the new year or stick only with MrCars for the foreseeable future?

Thanks for checking in.

3 chats started last night.

1 like pulling teeth.

2 takes himself a bit seriously but seems ok. Was a bit put off after he asked what I did for a living, I gave him a high level job title and organisation (not detail to protect from stalkers) and he replied - "ooo, get you!" Maybe another one that could be misconstrued through text but I wasn't sure I liked that response. I'm not a Dr/Surgeon/Barrister btw. Just have a professional job. And certainly wasn't showing off about it!

3 was great, banter, smart, witty, messaging back and forth all evening. Interesting, common likes, intelligent mind.

I actually tried a different approach and got in there first with an invite to meet - something I didn't want to do as I'm not a fan of chasing men. It was almost to call their bluff based on my recent experience and test what they actually wanted - and to save my time.

So 1 responded in a vague way, maybe around on Friday after work. Blah. Hardly enthusiastic.

2 replied he'd love to and would get his people to call my people... What? Not heard from him since last night.

3 didn't reply and I've just checked now and he's unmatched me.

I've no idea what I'm doing wrong here...

Yippeee. This is completely heading in the right direction. Super news. I hope you had a lovely time 🥰🥰🥰

@5thWisdom that sounds soul destroying. Hopefully once Christmas is out of the way with, people may be on the sites that actually want dates, rather then ego boosts?

5thWisdom

ouch . I have to say it sounds very joyless

can you take a break ? Freeze profiles and just do something nice in RL and pause it

then get back with a fresh and joy filled head ?

ownedbygreyhounds

good update
it’s tricky as the sharing is so often the dreaded Ex files
amd who wants that (not me anyway ….)

To be honest, that's what I am now doing. I was much busier today with work, Christmas prep. I'm looking at self-care and actually focusing on self - improvement without feeling so guilty about that and feeling that that is selfish.

Yes, not sure that I am getting any joy out of this at the moment, it's quite brutal. I was happier before I started this I think!

then Stop 🛑 😊

life’s too short
and you’ve had a rough run of it recently

I've just received a response from one match - it's funny because it relates to what we were saying about not having time to message during the day. He said as he's just finishing work, he hasn't got time for usual small talk so can he just ask the key questions and he'll read them when he gets home.

So he's sent me his questionnaire- romantic!

Here's his list;

1. how long you been single
2. how many children and age gaps
3. best physical feature
4. any crazy ex's lol
5. what you want off here
6. what you look for in a guy
7. any tattoos.

I may be too fed up at this point to entertain a lengthy response! But I think he may be also fed up and just wants to get to the point.

This is his copy and paste list, right?

I wouldn't respond to that list. Any crazy ex's lol is the most annoying question to ask ever.

I would suggest you take a break. Without being mean, you sound super keen and that just doesn't bode well I find in OLD.

I always had the best matches when I was unbothered. And men follow up when they are interested. One's (busy CEO) has driven down from Bristol in the snow to take me to lunch, rushing back for his child's carol service whereas one who lives 3 miles away and WFH is going to ket me know if we can meet next week. I just unmatched him.

Take a break I think and you'll be surprised....

sorry that was for @5thWisdom
@Mila14 , that should be added to the rules- A change in communications ALWAYS indicates something is going on

The number of times I gave them the benefit of the doubt...too busy, phone lost charge. Nope. they just lost interest or investing in someone else.

@5thWisdom OLD can be soul destroying and sometimes it is better to take a break. I found myself getting almost obsessed (might be a strong word…) but you get my drift? Then the more it happens the more despondent you get. The last one who ghosted me really got inside my head 🤦🏻‍♀️

Yes but the issue with that is I am keen to meet someone. I'd rather not pretend I don't care and aren't bothered. With Bumble you have to make the first move and hence seem keen. I've only been really proactive for 3 weeks or so, trying to give it a proper go (as I've usually deleted an app after a few days) - so this is my longest stint!

I completely agree with the fact that if they're interested, they let you know. I follow that rule. I suppose it's been helpful for me to regularly document my experience here in this safe space over the past few weeks and hopefully others (who post on this thread or just read it) can relate to how tough it is to meet a decent genuine person looking for love!