Dating Thread 236 - Swiping, Blocking and Video Calls

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

New thread!

Hurt him how !?

how can you have hurt him so much in your very brief time that he’s now allowed to tell you he’s dating other people and you take it

did you betray him , run over his cat 🐈‍⬛? Burn his house down

Boom80 just read a few of your posts. He was your ex for a reason, he sounds manipulative, making out you hurt him. Sounds like he wants to keep other dates as back up and to test you, I would be ditching him tbh. I have tried multi dating but it has only worked when I haven’t really had a connection with anyone. When I am dating someone o really like then I don’t want to even talk to others let alone date them.

That's good @Mila14
What kind of dad a guy is is a top indictor of their core values.

Glad none of my yesteryear lessons learned are relevant for you and your very fabulous MrEx.
You've got with him what we all wish we could find on OLD tbh with just a few anomalies to work through and the pain of the previous split reasons carried through into today

It was triggered by his kink requests which freaked me out and then the same evening a full row with his ex wife over the speaker phone I was unfortunately present to in which she was appalling to him and shot me down also. I told him I thought she spoke about us very badly but really not my business - He wanted three weekends this December and ad hoc weekends to see his boys and when i said i wondered how he saw our relationship moving forward with this system he went spastic. It was not that I didn’t support him (I have two of my own!) but tend not to take a back seat in any discussion of how I might be included. So dates and planning. This enraged him and he said I knew he had children. I he wants woman who will not challenge some difficult topics early on. But that is not me. He was only 18 months out of moving out of the family home to my 4.5 years post divorce so I suspect he wants to explore and do his kids with a lady who will accommodate. I’m not right for him. I am sad as there were good moments but he’s moved on with a past match within a week so I wouldn’t say he was that keen - or perhaps he’s been chatting to his female friend who supports multi dating and encouraging him forward, fair enough. Not to worry anymore. Lesson learnt. Am better with men who do not have children, kinks and want it all on their own terms …I hope Ii don’t sound too self centred myself. Been through too much myself to compromise on what keeps my own anxieties from flaring up.

Boom80 I agree with only dating someone who doesn’t have dc or has adult DC’s, It’s not easy dating someone who hasn’t got a great relationship with the ex and contact still being up in the air. I only date men with no dc (or grown up dc), I would rather be on my own than be with someone with young dc. Sounds like you will be much better off without this guy in your life. I can except that people have kinks but they should never make you feel bad for not wanting to be a part of them.

Boom80

i hate to be directive , and I’m no expert
but he sounds awful the more you say

an argument with his ex on speakerphone 😱😱😱😱

midlife dating is fraught
we all know this

but a lot of these issues are down to him having no boundaries whatsoever , rather than kids and exes

@Lovemusic33 thank you for your thoughtful reply about topics that can be very controversial. It’s been very hard to spot when I’ve been (in the past) manipulated but this morning the red light shone thankfully and i can carry on.

@Thisisworsethananticpated I totally agree. He generally needs to get a few of his own, but was on a bad place to do so. Maybe new date will be a less harsh wake up and a better match for him. It begs the question actually - how flexible should we all be with multi dating, boundaries and this awful process? I’m out for one and going to concentrate on my career but it’s been a right head f&&k for 3 years and I’m sick of being treated casually

Boom… please move on and date people who appreciate you. You are very lovely 😊
I understand the kids issue with men 🙄… Mr Ex has his DC a lot and most of holidays always but they go to Uni next year and I already have a good set up on my 50/50. Kids are definitely a life changer for most of us and we need a lot of selfless behavior when we are present parents. i find generous , gentle selfless men sexy

@Mila14 thank you. I am so angry about it all. I lneed a great deal of time out to sort out my world and get to where I want to be.

@Boom80 he sounds like a complete twat, and you are well rid.

Unfortunately I am fairly new to the world of OLD so can't really advise - I did initially try it the January before Covid and unfortunately ended up in a relationship with a true narcissist by Feb - alcoholic, liar, abusive, controlling etc etc - think police involvement and Claire's law disclosure and that will give you some idea. Did an awful lot of work on myself including therapy and am back, and hoping that I recognise the red flags early this time around.
At the moment I am still only talking and seeing 1 guy Mr N, and I am worried that I am putting all my eggs in basket so to speak, but the connection is there and feels real. Lots of coincidences - we both grew up in the same area of London (neither of us live in London now), even down to the same shop we had ears pierced in as teenagers and bought our 1st records. I am trying to keep feet firmly on the ground, but its so hard to not get all caught up in thrill of it.

@ownedbygreyhounds how amazing coincidence! It’s really really nice that you have childhood references like that
MrN looks like a brilliant iron so far
since when are you chatting?
have you been in dates already?

@Mila14 Only 2 dates so far, last one on Sunday. We went for a walk and snogged each others faces off. Lots of sexting since, along with regular texts. We are both looking for a relationship, and we are pretty well aligned as we are both clinical within the NHS, and have the same political leanings and humour. Who knows what the future holds, but I am trying and failing to not allow my thoughts to run away with themselves.

@ownedbygreyhounds it is really wonderful you are same politics and both Nhs… this looks really lovely match. 😍and you already had a snoggathon !!!

ownedbygreyhounds

aw ! I’m almost too excited for you
you sound very compatible

Good evening Mothership. I'm sleepy after a long day, but wanted to check in.

@Thisisworsethananticpated what your wrote about going back to Balkan to avoid going back to OLD mess reminded me of me, going back to my abusive ex because it was easier. It's so hard. I completely understand this but please look carefully at this and look after yourself.

@ownedbygreyhounds this is the dream. Enjoy enjoy enjoy. What you also said resonated - how you described your ex before Covid was as if we were with the same man. Narcissistic. Drunk. Police. I'm so glad you got out quickly.

@Mila14 I hope you've seen Mr Ex this week and have enjoyed.

London Tinder is just the same depressing cacophony of male disappointments. Am home now and think I'm going to give it a break until next week. Or I need to try a new app. Then we get too close to Christmas to be seen as seeking someone meaningfully new! Hmmm.

Apologies for errors in spelling and grammar!

5thWisdom

thanks , Balkan isn’t abusive I hasten to add
no cheating , abusive , anger gaslighting etc
I wouldn’t do that again !!!

he’s just a bit of a pickle ! But it’s also the classic anxious (me ) avoidant (him) combo

and he’s my first thing since ex so I’m learning as I go

london tinder is crazy 😝 soooo many men
cock ikea
or cock costco maybe

Hurt him how !?
from what I read he wanted to be pegged, that brings a tear to the eye

london tinder is crazy 😝 soooo many men, cock ikea

If anything like real ikea, everything looks good on the screen, but is disappointing in real life , not all the bits are in the box and it often breaks after a few months

cock costco maybe

if it’s anything like the real Costco, you buy a Kirkland branded thing because it’s a big bag and it’s cheap, but when you get it home & try it out you realise why it’s cheap and you have loads to get through..

My Tinder is now broken. It's not detecting my location as being back home so I'm now getting a confused mish-mash of men based 3 or 200 km away. I'm taking this as a sign to close my account and hope Bumble has more to offer 😂🙏🏻😭

You are really making me laugh out loud here!

Bring on bumble… I think it’s a better app. You can go incognito if you don’t want to be bothered but still pick and match who you want. Also filters are great… age, height, study level, etc
This was my fave app

Yeah - I seem to have that affect on women - and not for the right reasons 😂