Page 11 | Dating Thread 236 - Swiping, Blocking and Video Calls

Definitelycross · 03/12/2022 20:15

5thWisdom · 03/12/2022 19:29

@Mollymolloy sorry also if that's all he's waiting out for, I'd start to reconsider my options, protect yourself and focus on what you want.

I totally agree.

I have an iron that lives further away but god I so would if we met. But there are other guys that I'm not sure if we ever would reach that stage 🤷‍♀️

In my experience when you know you know

Mila14 · 03/12/2022 20:34

ibelieveinmirrorballs · 03/12/2022 18:49

@Mollymolloy ive normally shagged them by now, but I don’t like the fact he’s trying to tie you down to a set time/date. Surely it should just happen naturally and when you both are clearly up for it. It’s not about him trying to wheedle/negotiate with you - massive turn off for me!

Agree…massive turn off a guy asking me when are we DTD… that should happen naturally when you both are ready

Mollymolloy · 03/12/2022 20:35

Thanks all. I will see where it all goes but, will make sure that I am ok with being ghosted. It might be quite fun..

pencilpot99 · 04/12/2022 00:10

@5thwisdom I wore jeans, a white fitted jumper and knee high boots. He seemed to like it 😁.

I ended up being a few minutes late because, of course, my DD (10 y/o) rang me from her Dad’s house upset about something so I had to go to the pub via his so I could pop in and sort her out.
We had a good evening chatting, lots of laughing and ended up getting some food there. So all in all not a bad first date. Not sure if there’s a spark yet but he seems a genuinely lovely guy and made me laugh. Nothing physical happened other than a hug when he walked me to my car, but that’s fine with me. Plenty of time for that. We might meet up to go for a walk tomorrow afternoon, but then he’s going back to the States for a few weeks.
@Mollymolloy I would find someone focusing so much on DTD so early on very off putting. Part of the enjoyment of meeting someone new is that growing sense of anticipation. Assuming it’s a foregone conclusion and planning it out would be an absolute passion-killer for me. You don’t have to DTD unless you want to and definitely not until you’re ready, if that point comes. (Pardon the pun 😁)

5thWisdom · 04/12/2022 08:32

pencilpot99 · 04/12/2022 00:10

@5thwisdom I wore jeans, a white fitted jumper and knee high boots. He seemed to like it 😁.

I ended up being a few minutes late because, of course, my DD (10 y/o) rang me from her Dad’s house upset about something so I had to go to the pub via his so I could pop in and sort her out.
We had a good evening chatting, lots of laughing and ended up getting some food there. So all in all not a bad first date. Not sure if there’s a spark yet but he seems a genuinely lovely guy and made me laugh. Nothing physical happened other than a hug when he walked me to my car, but that’s fine with me. Plenty of time for that. We might meet up to go for a walk tomorrow afternoon, but then he’s going back to the States for a few weeks.
@Mollymolloy I would find someone focusing so much on DTD so early on very off putting. Part of the enjoyment of meeting someone new is that growing sense of anticipation. Assuming it’s a foregone conclusion and planning it out would be an absolute passion-killer for me. You don’t have to DTD unless you want to and definitely not until you’re ready, if that point comes. (Pardon the pun 😁)

Sounds like a lovely evening spent with good company @pencilpot99 - lots of laughter is great 😊

Does he spend much time in the UK or travel extensively? Are you keen to see him again?

Mollymolloy · 04/12/2022 08:45

Sounds like a great first date @pencilpot99!

MrD and I were supposed to be going for a walk and lunch today. He has now asked if I can go round his tonight instead! It is an hour and a half’s round trip… maybe not!!!

5thWisdom · 04/12/2022 08:50

Mollymolloy · 04/12/2022 08:45

Sounds like a great first date @pencilpot99!

MrD and I were supposed to be going for a walk and lunch today. He has now asked if I can go round his tonight instead! It is an hour and a half’s round trip… maybe not!!!

No no no! What cheek! Well at least he's transparent and not dressing it up as anything else!

I'd give him a swerve, myself!

Mila14 · 04/12/2022 09:35

Molly…is this the guy who wants DTD time? He is only after one thing and one thing only. Seriously…what a prick. You don’t even know if you fancy him? He wants “home sex away” service too!

Original poster

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 04/12/2022 10:09

My visit to MrCars house was pleasant enough and a good warm up for boutique hotel sex consumation next weekend.
He cooked me an amazing 2-course meal. At one point I was helping and other points I was sitting drinking wine, looking at one of his many interesting books.

We were quite snoggy and handsy and through his jeans I could confirm he is impressively endowed. I'm looking forward to shagging each other

BUT

I'm still thinking (sadly and annoyingly) he shouldn't be for me long term as (a) we don't do side splitting belly laughs (b) his curiosity and interest in me is minimal - very few Qs asked.

He would say he has all the data he needs about me and likes me based on what he knows. I would say it's a turn off for me (having parents who also have nil interest).

(C) I still don't think i fancy him as much as I have fancied other people and although I can't keep my hands (and enthusiastic tongue) to myself when with him i think that's more because I'm a bit of a lusty high libido'd woman right now.

As I'd be off the apps for winter this will be a fine winter warmer but I'm already fretting about things I probably shouldn't be fretting about just enjoying the moment and each new date as it comes.
Next weekend at the hotel will be Date 6.

OP posts:

Shwingbada · 04/12/2022 10:37

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss
It is so difficult not to jump ahead and need it to be everything and some mythical perfect match, I am entirely like this myself. The man I’m seeing sounds similar to MrCars in being satisfied that he has all the ‘data’ required to feel decisive, as if it’s as simple as that rather than an organic process of discovery. It means we are now encountering more problematic territory as clearly a relationship needs more negotiation and compromise than that, especially (in our case) being in late forties with teenage children and houses and established lives. But as you say, it’s still a lovely thing and a very nice winter warmer! In my case I’m hopeful that it can deepen and develop but if it doesn’t, still mostly enjoying it if slightly bemused.
Could you perhaps raise your frustration about his lack of curiosity in you, or do some contrived thing like lightheartedly have a go at that set of questions that is supposed to make two strangers fall in love? I think if he wasn’t at all open to that kind of discussion I would find it more difficult. Hope you’re not feeling too frustrated or consumed with ruminations - sounds like a great evening in many ways!

JangolinaPitt · 04/12/2022 10:41

lightheartedly have a go at that set of questions that is supposed to make two strangers fall in love?
interesting! What are they?

Original poster

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 04/12/2022 11:02

Interesting @Shwingbada we can compare notes but I'm in a much more ambivalent place than I have been in the past.

I won't waste time with someone who isn't likely to be my forever person (found myself asking myself would I be happy to invite him out with my mates - all glamourous hilarious strong wimmin - not sure as he is nerdy awkward type but on the other hand they are all married to nerdy introverted fellas themselves and actually not up to my mates who I date).

In the past I've been so proud and hasty to bring handsome hilarious alpha male DJ types (ref to previous thread chats) out and everyone is all swoony over them and they enjoy a good flirt with my chums but they have turned out to be nobs or at least not good long termers for me.

I'll no way put in a 'complaint' about an aspect of him that I'm not loving but will simply call it out as a turn off.
You do/don't do this and for me it turns me off.

You can't change people if they aren't curious about others they just aren't.

My autistic dad thinks he has learned the societal rules of asking Qs but actually seeing him not be at all interested in the answers it's more cringey than if he hadn't asked in the first place!

OP posts:

Mila14 · 04/12/2022 11:57

Oncey…he is perhaps a good winter warmer and nothing wrong with that. But you already have all the answers. I think you can enjoy boutique hotel romp and you need a bit of adoration and being sexy lusted by hard cock nice man.
You love witty guys ( just like me) and he was never physically your type of attractive either.
You know there is more out there and you want more and you are entitled to fancy the pants of a male and get jiggy with it. I totally understand you because i have been exactly where you are now and there is 0 guarantee I will not be ther again in the near/medium/long term future.

Nugg · 04/12/2022 12:06

Just waiting for Mr Accent to arrive. Bit nervous now and at my usual "I'm happy single" stage of proceedings!!

Will report back...!

Mila14 · 04/12/2022 12:07

Oncey

I won't waste time with someone who isn't likely to be my forever person (found myself asking myself would I be happy to invite him out with my mates

I am 100% like you on this. I am horny but I can’t be bothered with someone I can not fall in love with. Because in the end …the sex and the time shared with someone you are crazy about is amazing and I want to stay in that “zone”. Sex is also amazing when you love someone or are falling in LOVE.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to fall in love/being in love. This is a safe place where we can say these things along with the micropenises and the viagra abusers and the floppy semi erections.

Mila14 · 04/12/2022 12:09

Nugg · 04/12/2022 12:06

Just waiting for Mr Accent to arrive. Bit nervous now and at my usual "I'm happy single" stage of proceedings!!

Will report back...!

Fingers crossed 🤞 all the best !!

Shwingbada · 04/12/2022 12:57

@JangolinaPitt
A load of nonsense really - periodically magazines dig them up again as an idea. There’s an article about it here. www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/love-sex/relationships/a32618/36-questions-fall-in-love/

I agree @OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss that it’s pointless trying to fundamentally change someone but thought it might be a nervous thing or an oversight. But obviously if you suspect it’s an autistic spectrum type characteristic that is potentially triggering for you anyway then that’s totally different.

Interesting idea about compatibility/suitability. The imagining-them-meeting-your-mates thing is a useful concept - I have found this excruciating with the various partners I’ve had which is probably a good indication that they weren’t right for me, but in the moment I ignore all this due to my lust/novelty/the dopamine fest that they are providing in the early stages of a relationship… It’s so hard to resist the heady rush of the early days and be objective or sensible about it.

Original poster

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 04/12/2022 13:27

I just told MrCars a certain something he has done a few times in texts is a turn off for me and he won't know that unless i tell him. He's v grateful for the feedback and thinks he's a rich bellend for doing it.
I have said I think it's classic mild autism trait and I'm not asking him to stop but he aware that if he does it each time a little bit of me feels turned off.
He's come back with a full gushy essay about how amazing he thinks I am and likes me even more for being forthright and clear in comms.

I've no idea how this will play forward.

My best mate has responded to photos of the two course meal with a woah he's a keeper (her good looking husband can't unload the dishwasher or drive or work)

I'll keep the data gathering. I'm treating it a bit like an arranged marriage where I would have walked past him in a bar but keen to see if we might be good long termers as clearly get where the other is coming from on interests and modus operandi x

OP posts:

Mila14 · 04/12/2022 14:26

Oncey… there is 0 enthusiasm in your posts about Mr Cars… hopefully he’s great on DTD department in boutique hotel

Shwingbada · 04/12/2022 14:28

That sounds promising @OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss. I’m intrigued by what the turn off was?!

Hope the date with MrAccent is going well @Nugg

5thWisdom · 04/12/2022 15:19

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 04/12/2022 13:27

I just told MrCars a certain something he has done a few times in texts is a turn off for me and he won't know that unless i tell him. He's v grateful for the feedback and thinks he's a rich bellend for doing it.
I have said I think it's classic mild autism trait and I'm not asking him to stop but he aware that if he does it each time a little bit of me feels turned off.
He's come back with a full gushy essay about how amazing he thinks I am and likes me even more for being forthright and clear in comms.

I've no idea how this will play forward.

My best mate has responded to photos of the two course meal with a woah he's a keeper (her good looking husband can't unload the dishwasher or drive or work)

I'll keep the data gathering. I'm treating it a bit like an arranged marriage where I would have walked past him in a bar but keen to see if we might be good long termers as clearly get where the other is coming from on interests and modus operandi x

Are you not actively seeking anyone else on the apps because of Mr Cars and wanting to see where it goes? Or just taking a break anyway?

You're maybe giving him more of your time than you should because there's no other possibilities?

I find that we're possibly able to overlook some minor Icks early on but they then can become deal breakers.

He's definitely not set you alight. Goodness knows what's the right formula anymore but it seems like you're needing to convince yourself too much on this one.

Original poster

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 04/12/2022 15:25

I know @Mila14
Buuuuut look where all the many overexcited spikes in adrenalin got me.

Am trying a new style

We (MrCars and I) message one another all day and everything. He often makes me smile or laugh and gives great counsel.

His guitar playing and singing had me finding hard to keep my clothes on yesterday tbh as did his neck kissing and skin exploring.
I'm not writing in to M-ship with the good things. Just the neggo ones for support. So you might be seeing a skewed view.

Yep. A lot depends on next weekend but I now have some good intel that we will be fantastically compatible in that dept.

OP posts:

Mila14 · 04/12/2022 15:31

Excellent Oncey… I am totally skewed because I’m stupidly in love and I have no idea whether this has enough legs! I think you are right on looking at other approaches and I confess that did not work for me … sigh 😔
Bring on sexy times and hopefully MrCars will be the good’un

5thWisdom · 04/12/2022 15:32

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 04/12/2022 15:25

I know @Mila14
Buuuuut look where all the many overexcited spikes in adrenalin got me.

Am trying a new style

We (MrCars and I) message one another all day and everything. He often makes me smile or laugh and gives great counsel.

His guitar playing and singing had me finding hard to keep my clothes on yesterday tbh as did his neck kissing and skin exploring.
I'm not writing in to M-ship with the good things. Just the neggo ones for support. So you might be seeing a skewed view.

Yep. A lot depends on next weekend but I now have some good intel that we will be fantastically compatible in that dept.

Well this does actually sound a lot more promising!!

5thWisdom · 04/12/2022 15:36

I've swiped so much this weekend, I'm literally swiped out. I think I've got swipe elbow.

Refreshed profile not getting me anywhere but it's definitely helped filter out the f*ck boys which saves me a lot of time.

Onwards. I've matched with a few that were in my catchment area last night but now they've headed back home and are miles away, which is the issue when matching on a Saturday night I suppose.