Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

**Trigger Warning** I think my ex may have committed suicide

175 replies

NCfail1 · 25/11/2022 10:17

Hello everyone,

NC for this.

I am quite concerned about my ex, who is the father of my DC. To give a bit of a backstory. He was abusive in every way possible towards me and due to this he only has supervised visits/telephone with the DC.
I do have an injunction against him-just to netigate anymore involvement but we are allowed to communicate with each other concerning the DC.

Recently, for the past few months, ex mental health has been spiralling down. He was sending me frequent texts about wanting us to get back together and if not he will kill himself. Of course, I first, I was worried and tried to talk him out of it but after a while, I soon began to ignore him.

Two months ago, one of his relatives contacted me that he was admitted into hospital because he tried to commit suicide. I contacted one of his friends (who sent me a rude message) to check on his well-being.

On social media, he kept putting up posts that he wants to 'kill himself' and that because he is "30, has no family, no job, there's no point in life". He even commented that no one should let me come to his funeral as I am "evil" Confused. A week ago, he sent me a message to say 'Happy Birthday' to once of the DC's, who birthday is coming up soon, incase his not around. Then he called me, and I got a bit annoyed with him- a bit snappy and ended the call.

This week, he missed his contact session with the DC's. He has never done this before. He also missed the telephone session. Which he has never done before. When the DC attempted to contact him, he was unable to get through and just told me that 'Daddy's phone has been off since Sunday, I can't get through to him". I then attempted to contact him but DC was right, his phone is off.

I don't know what to do. Although, he has made my life shit in so many ways. He is still the father of my DC's and I'm worried about his mental health being. I don't know what to do- without getting myself too involved.

OP posts:
christmastrike · 25/11/2022 10:20

You do nothing. His mental health is not your responsibility.
You reassure your children that daddy is poorly and everything's going to be okay.

Sending love OP. This sounds awfully hard.

NCfail1 · 25/11/2022 10:20

But shouldn't I call the police? What happens if he has committed suicide?

OP posts:
ZeroFuchsGiven · 25/11/2022 10:20

Can you report to police to do a welfare check? I dont think they will say who called.

I am really sorry you are going through this Flowers

Raindrops2015 · 25/11/2022 10:21

You can contact police and ask them to do a well being check on him.

BankseyVest · 25/11/2022 10:21

Speak to the police and tell the what you've just told us

BrilliantGreenFlamingo · 25/11/2022 10:22

Yes someone needs to do a welfare check. The police do. Don’t say anything to kids yet or reassure them, you don’t know that he’s ok. So it would be a lie.

PermanentTemporary · 25/11/2022 10:22

I would contact the police via 101 and ask for a welfare check. I would describe that his children are very worried and have no other way of contacting him.

Context; my late husband took his own life.

BrilliantGreenFlamingo · 25/11/2022 10:23

Who supervises contact?

ZeroFuchsGiven · 25/11/2022 10:23

christmastrike · 25/11/2022 10:20

You do nothing. His mental health is not your responsibility.
You reassure your children that daddy is poorly and everything's going to be okay.

Sending love OP. This sounds awfully hard.

And that is just awful advice, Yes his mental health is not ops responsibility but her own and her childrens mental health are!

Regardless of what has happened in their relationship previously Op would absolutley be doing the right thing by informing the police.

Icedlatteplease · 25/11/2022 10:23

Do you know any other family members who might be able to check in on him rather than going to police straight off

Ihatethenewlook · 25/11/2022 10:24

Yes, welfare check is the way to go. I will prepare you that the last two I’ve seen advised on here didn’t end well :(

NCfail1 · 25/11/2022 10:25

I don't even know where he lives- but I know the area his in. Would the police be able to find him? His last text to me was that he was at X place and 'fuck it- his just going to do it'. I feel bad because I ignored him and thought he was just trying to manipulate me speaking to him.

OP posts:
christmastrike · 25/11/2022 10:25

Sorry OP- yes that was a silly thing for me to say and you should do a welfare check.
I did mean more along the lines of you shouldn't beat yourself up about anything as nothing is your fault.

HolidaysAreComin · 25/11/2022 10:26

christmastrike · 25/11/2022 10:20

You do nothing. His mental health is not your responsibility.
You reassure your children that daddy is poorly and everything's going to be okay.

Sending love OP. This sounds awfully hard.

You don't do nothing if you think someone has harmed themselves. Contact the police to do a welfare check this isn't you getting overinvolved. If you suspected anyone had done something similar you'd contact the authorities to check on them, not shrug and say "not getting involved". Awful attitude, it's her children's dad.

fortyfatandsingle · 25/11/2022 10:26

Given that friends you have tried contacting have been than helpful, phone the police and they'll do various checks and attend in person for a welfare check if they can't get hold of him any other way.

NCfail1 · 25/11/2022 10:27

Icedlatteplease · 25/11/2022 10:23

Do you know any other family members who might be able to check in on him rather than going to police straight off

His family in England are NC. So they wouldn't even know where to look for him. He has family where his from originally but the mum doesn't appear to be too concerned- which is odd, she just said "Well his 30, I've talked to him, I've advised him. What can I do? Im all the way here, if he wants to do that well...".

OP posts:
fortyfatandsingle · 25/11/2022 10:28

NCfail1 · 25/11/2022 10:25

I don't even know where he lives- but I know the area his in. Would the police be able to find him? His last text to me was that he was at X place and 'fuck it- his just going to do it'. I feel bad because I ignored him and thought he was just trying to manipulate me speaking to him.

Yes they'll be able to do checks and find an address for him. They will do various checks with hospitals etc and will update with the outcome

SnarkyBag · 25/11/2022 10:29

I would ask the police for a welfare check and if it turns out he is alive and well then I would detach completely as it would seem to me that this whole going off grid is just more emotional abuse for you and your children and he’s upping the ante to draw you in and manipulate you.

if he has done something terrible and I hope he hasn’t remember it’s not your fault and will not be because you ignored him.

Icedlatteplease · 25/11/2022 10:29

NCfail1 · 25/11/2022 10:25

I don't even know where he lives- but I know the area his in. Would the police be able to find him? His last text to me was that he was at X place and 'fuck it- his just going to do it'. I feel bad because I ignored him and thought he was just trying to manipulate me speaking to him.

Yes police!!

NCfail1 · 25/11/2022 10:32

Thank you everyone. I'm going to call the police. 101 to do a welfare check. All my friends think I'm silly for doing this. But I wouldn't live with myself knowing that he has done something and I knew about it.

OP posts:
ZeroFuchsGiven · 25/11/2022 10:32

NCfail1 · 25/11/2022 10:25

I don't even know where he lives- but I know the area his in. Would the police be able to find him? His last text to me was that he was at X place and 'fuck it- his just going to do it'. I feel bad because I ignored him and thought he was just trying to manipulate me speaking to him.

Does whoever supervises the contact have an address for him? They might not be able to give it to you but will be able to pass it onto the police.

MintJulia · 25/11/2022 10:34

His mental health is not your responsibility and never was.

If you are worried, call the non-emergency police number, explain and ask them to do a welfare check but explain the background of abuse and make it clear you do not want your name mentioned. He must not get to know that you worry about him, you'll just be giving him a stick to beat you with.

JungleBellsHoHoHo · 25/11/2022 10:34

NCfail1 · 25/11/2022 10:25

I don't even know where he lives- but I know the area his in. Would the police be able to find him? His last text to me was that he was at X place and 'fuck it- his just going to do it'. I feel bad because I ignored him and thought he was just trying to manipulate me speaking to him.

He is trying to manipulate you, even to the nth degree. Chances are he wants you to investigate to prove you do care a little about him. If he is ok you will never trust what he says again, let alone with the children. He sounds unstable

Sprouttreesareamazing · 25/11/2022 10:34

I bet my last mince pie this is just all to mess with your head op.
And it's working.. Distract your dc and do not allow them to get worried about him.

RedHelenB · 25/11/2022 10:35

christmastrike · 25/11/2022 10:20

You do nothing. His mental health is not your responsibility.
You reassure your children that daddy is poorly and everything's going to be okay.

Sending love OP. This sounds awfully hard.

I wouldn’t say everything us going to be OK when you don't know he's alive.