How to tell the wife

[curiousabout]

One of my colleagues is cheating on his wife who I really like and I think she deserves to know. Only problem is he's technically my boss so I don't want him to know it came from me.

Ideas on how to tell her anonymously??

keep your beak out.

Helpful...thanks

How do you know he's cheating on her ?

What are your main reasons for telling her?

It isn’t your business.

She may well know. And by you pointing it out she will then know she can’t keep it under wraps, which whether you like it or not, is HER decision not yours. So stay out of other people’s business.

Because I was cheated on and I wish id been told by all the people that knew and hid it from me. Felt like an even bigger betrayal. Especially as I thought some of those people were my friends.

He's cheating with another colleague and not being subtle about it.

Could you send her a message to be at a certain place at a certain time to catch him red handed? Then it won't have come from anyone if she discovers it for herself.

I'll tell her

This is reasonable. You don’t want this to backfire on you, so anonymous would be my approach so you don’t end up in the middle of their crap. Amazing what people defending their own interests will do.

text from one of those internet sites that come from a random number. maybe they dont exist anymore but the kids used to do it to freak their friends out a few years ago.

Moondog card......

cut up newspaper headlines stuck to paper....

then just sit back and watch it all blow up

that poor lass

Don't get involved it's not your business

The only time I needed to report something anonymously, I did so by letter. His home address might be on something at work?

If you’re 100% sure then you could set up a burner email address and a fb / insta account and send her a message that way or a direct email if you have one?
The problem with unsolicited emails and social media messages is they often go to a junk folder where the person may never see them.

Any way of getting hold of her phone number and sending a message from a burner phone? You can buy a pay ad you go sim for like a £ these days.

old school send a letter? Hand deliver when no chance anyone would see you or have someone else deliver it?

I would 100% tell her as well, if I absolutely knew for sure I was right.
Once she has the knowledge she can do what she likes with it, if she chooses to disregard it then fine. I couldn’t sit by and watch someone be so blatantly disrespected.

I'm just too nervous to do those things. I feel like he will figure out it's me and then I will really be stuck in the middle of their situation.

I just feel so so bad for her! He's being such a pig! And all the other blokes around are just turning a blind eye.

Just wish his wife wasn't so naive! Surely she must see the signs?! Staying late has to be the most obvious excuse in the book?!

@curiousabout I get that you feel that way based on your own personal experience. Sorry that you went through that, it would have been a huge betrayal of trust.

However, are you absolutely certain that they don’t have an open relationship. Do you know them both well?

Do you fancy the wife a little?

Exactly!

Send a letter OP or if you have her number text her anonymously.

Every person has a right to know their reality. His wife is being denied hers.

I would be grateful if told. Good on you OP.

She deserves to know, but you need proof, do you have any?

The problem with these anonymous messages/methods people are suggesting, is that they feel inauthentic, so it’s fairly easy to convince the person being cheated on that the message is just some sort of wind-up/malicious act. I’ve been in this woman’s situation (my ex owned the company, and would bring his liaisons - mostly sex workers - into the place of work and be blatantly ‘involved’ with them) and if you told me sensitively and with good intentions, I would absolutely keep your confidence and not reveal my source. But, don’t let on to a single other soul you know, and let her know that you won’t. Up to her whether she wants to confront it or not.

I agree with @breatheinskipthegym.

I've been in his wife's position and I would've absolutely hated an anonymous note. I'd be looking suspiciously at absolutely everyone after that.

If another woman had spoken to me privately, I would never have betrayed her trust. I'm not sure everyone would do the same though.

I just wish it was possible for you to speak to him and talk to him about the affair. Obviously that's impossible.

To people who have replied keep your beak out .... My, do you realise the investment some of us put into a relationship? I moved 6000 miles away, thankfully, I kept my house , and let my friend live in it.

My ex, would never allow me to use his computer. It was always sat on the lounge table. Mine was still dashed in various rooms, about the place

One day, he told me to use his computer. I was most taken a back. His lovely Mum ( I loved her ) asked me to send her photos of our latest trip/ expedition.

I am not very good with IT. I lost the files , but I found a hidden file. I thought , that is where it is gone 🤔

All photos, I found where
of him , in clothes , I had bought him, with his bits out and of his assistant doing the same, he had a job as a project manager, mainly lived on ships offshore.

I was heartbroken, I found out how to do a screen roll, of hidden photos.

Set it all up, he as ever, sat down opened the computer up, to ask what we should do tonight. Normally , what film to see , at the local cinema. He found all his hidden pornograhic, files rolling across the screen.😂

I just stood cooking dinner, laughing to myself. I never said a word, just saw the colour drain from his face.😆

He just screamed, get rid of this. Following day, his best friend took me to the airport.

What I need to say, if you feel you are being abused, you are , leave, it will not improve. My life is not wonderful, but I am not abused.

Please seek help and do not put up with feeling undermined, unstable and doubting your own mind. It is time to call the day on abuse. I will support you while heartedly xxx

It's not her decision though is it, If it stays under wraps? Thats already been taken from her, her husbands making sure half the office knows about it. What a stupid conclusion you have drawn.

She deserves to know that she's being made a fool of. I'd be incised to know people didn't tell me. At least op wants to say something instead of falling in line with the other spineless men around the workplace who are 'turning a blind eye'.

Op you have good values. You could sent a letter or anonymous email. I suppose she still may not believe it without proof.

Do you know her well enough to actually make an appointment for a quick chat? Just do it…

Say that even though it’s absolutely none of your business, and she may know already… it happened to you and you wish somebody had had the respect to tell you.

Honestly, I think keep out it.

My mum’s neighbour was having an affair years ago (brought mistress round when wife and kids were away). She told the wife and they split.

A couple of years later she told my mum she knew, but she ignored it because she didn’t want to face up to it. She said she wished my mum never told her as it forced to confront and get divorced when she would rather they carried on.

Not saying your colleague’s wife would feel the same. Just saying that some people don’t want to be told the truth.