He's not insecure and jealous, he's a controller. @Opentooffers is right , he has allowed you to believe you hold some power, in the beginining.
Ok I will say something you won't like to hear, your ex you state he was controlling, maybe he was to an extent, but he's got nothing on this one, you still holiday and are/can be invited to parties with him. That doesn't happen in the most abusive relationships when they end.
If you were to break up with this current man you would be banned from his life entirely, shunned and have a smear campaign against you, he's not arsed if he can't use you.
It' difficult to forwarn you how bad it will get but it will and I can see you've never experienced this level of control before, listen to@KettrickenSmiled and read up on this stuff.
*When he is not being a cold,impatient, stubborn rock we get on amazingly
well, I am ridiculously attracted to him and we have the best sex I've
ever had. *
You are ridiculously attracted to him, how predictable, there you were newly separated, (I wonder if this man was anything to do with your break up, they usually are,) you were love bombed and the confidence he gave you made you feel wonderful, now it's time to get you in line.
How he thinks ? He think's he's a stunner and better than you, you believed you held some sort of power, your own home, a divorce settlement, you paying for holidays, how come you're not top dog, calling the shots, wearing the trousers.
You are fighting for top status in this relationship, you thought you had it at the beggining, going away with male friends, talking about naked saunas making him understand you won't change for a man.
He hated you for that, it's payback time love, you've gotta get in line for the pretty boy now. You're in for a treat and you're going to find out exactly what he thinks of you, he's laughing at you and your weakness, sounds cruel ? well he is.
It's not working is it ? I honestly think you have never met someone like this, given time he will make your ex seem like a pussy cat, he will destroy your confidence, your health, your friendships, your support system and your life.
He's making you poorly and it's only just begun, I bet this ex wife of his had some mental health problems too, no doubt because she was shagging arround?
No, his account of her unfaithfulness probably dates back to when he first met her and she was not fully under control, just as you will be made out to be the adulteress for going away with your male friend. Everthing is designed for him to appear the victim, always will be, you don't realise how much of what he knows about you will be used against you at some point. Really you have no idea. I've got a feeling your marriage which folded was more equal than you realise, ( not saying he was good) but with this one ,naw, you have no power at all.
Really you have only just begun to feel the effects of this, get the hell out of there and run as fast as you can, this Adonis knows exactly what he is doing and you are out of your depth.
If you are on all these medications after this short period, christ after 5 years I bet you'd be dead.
He is much stronger than you, there is no shame in accepting that just don't allow yourself to find out how bad it will get.
He will destroy you.