Partner wants me to cash in my pensions so he can stop work ??

[Lizzie2006]

My partner wants me to cash in my pensions, so that he can stop working. He has no pension provision and I have a couple, having paid in since I started work at 16 (I'm nearly 60). We are not married - he says if I cash in my pensions, then he'll marry me. We have joint savings, but he won't let me touch them. Instead, he wants my pension money to enable him to retire, marry me .............. is that right?

You've only been together 9 years, it's not your fault or problem he hasn't got a pension sorted, he's had his whole life, where you have cut back and made sacrifices to pay into a pension, he needs to carry on working, I wouldn't let him guilt trip you because you "love" each other, in fact I would consider kicking him our if the private rental is in your name only, he is taking advantage of you

Withdraw your money and tell him to leave.

Call the police if he won't.

You are being abused and used.

If you want to end up in the gutter, with no money and a cold, miserable, poor retirement ahead of you, stay with him.

You are being used.

You may love him but he doesn't love you. Withdraw what you have put into the joint savings pot, he can use his to start anew.

He is basically asking you to hand over your life savings to him and risk your home and poverty in old age. A depressing number of women end up living in poverty in old age and inadequate pension provision - don't be one of them.

Absolutely no way. By any chance has this guy suggested that all the bills are paid from your account and all the savings come from his account?

I think that you may need some support in real life. Do you have family and/or friends that you can confide in?

Absolutely not FFS. Have you seriously worked and paid into your pension for the last 40 odd years just so that this entitled idiot can sit on his fat arse whilst you pay him for the pleasure? You’re not his mother, if he’s unhappy at work, he can act like a big boy and find a new job like the rest of us do. And for the love of god, get your half of the savings back in YOUR account. There is nothing stopping him taking that money at a moments notice. I hope for your sake you still have access to it.

Absolutely do not do as he is suggesting.

Even if it wasn't financial suicide for you, the fact that he is bringing up the topic daily and texting you multiple times a day about it is just barking mad and a very bad sign. it's not respectful of you, it's putting pressure on you, and possibly it demonstrates that he has no idea of how to behave appropriately in a relationship, at least not when his own self-interest comes into play.

Please call Women's Aid for advice.

In the nicest possible way OP I'm really concerned that you need even ask the question.
I'm wondering what else you might have been bullied to do in the past

Per everyone else, get your savings back and get him out.

He's shown who is.

Have you been paying all the rent that's in your name, or does he pay half all bills and rent while staying with you? If he's not already a cocklodger, he's aiming to be one as soon as he can.

I think this man has been playing the long con, and he almost has you exactly where he wants you.

Don't be mad. Get rid of this swindler.

So he will only marry you, if you pay him to? That's about what it boils down to.

End it, leave him, keep your money. If he loved you he wouldn’t keep asking or making marriage conditional. Run

Run. Now.
or kick him out.
My “DP” was very, very keen to marry me. I wasn’t that bothered. Within 3 weeks of us marrying he’d given up his business and sat at home on his arse for the next year. Then worked p/t. While I worked 2 jobs. At one point he wanted me to sell the house ( which I owned) and started talking about going travelling across America.
Do NOT fall for the “I’ll marry you” crap— he’s not worth marrying.

Withdraw half of your money as soon as you can if it's still there then tell him to go as the tenancy is in your name. He is not a keeper, and you could have another 30 years of this.

For the love of god, get rid of him.

Truly, this is all that needs to be said.

Take half the savings and ask him to leave.

He is abusive

Quite simple fuck this Lizzie.

If I embarked on a relationship at 51 and they started demanding all my previous life's investments they could fuck right off.

To be honest I just wouldn't tell them any details. I would pay my way and that would be the end of that. If that wasn't enough for them it would certainly be enough for me.

Just say "not a chance and if you ask again you can move out. Do you understand?"

If he says "I'll end up in hospital again"
I would say "at least I will get a break then"

Get your savings back in your name.

Do not put anything else into anything joint ever.

Make sure your will is up to date.

He is an entitled fucking twat.
I’d be saying one more text from you on the matter and I’m kicking you out!

If he loved you he wouldn't have dreamt of asking. He has no plans on marrying you, or if he does it will be because it is financially advantageous to you. Don't do this. If you do you'll be sacrificing your hard work / future for this deadbeat.

I agree with the others. Take half the savings then dump him - give him a weeks notice and if he isnt gone call the police.

If you do what hes asking you to, you will be spending your final years in life poor and looking after a sick man. Is that what you want to do in your autumn years?

Financially Advantageous to him. Not you!

Agree take half the savings and get him to go.

To - KettrickenSmiled - please don't enter into any chat I may pursue - you clearly have never been in any sort of abusive relationship and how lucky you are. Your responses are exactly the reason people in my situation do not seek help.

Please do not do this. Leave him. I know it will be hard.

How much is in your pension? If you take more than 25% of it you'll pay tax on it.