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Original poster

Partner wants me to cash in my pensions so he can stop work ??

161 replies

Lizzie2006 · 22/11/2022 09:52

My partner wants me to cash in my pensions, so that he can stop working. He has no pension provision and I have a couple, having paid in since I started work at 16 (I'm nearly 60). We are not married - he says if I cash in my pensions, then he'll marry me. We have joint savings, but he won't let me touch them. Instead, he wants my pension money to enable him to retire, marry me .............. is that right?

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 22/11/2022 10:33

No no no no NO!

Why the hell should he get to spend YOUR pension money?

And why is he controlling if you can access your savings or not?

I'd shift half of your savings into your account TODAY and then split up with him.

Honestly, he will take you for every penny. Is he trying to wave the magic "I want us to get married" to try and emotionally blackmail you? Sounds like it's a really good thing that you're not married. Please move your savings today.

Byelaws · 22/11/2022 10:34

Please tell us more about these ‘joint savings’ - are they only in his name?

Latenightreader · 22/11/2022 10:34

When my parents were married my Mum cashed in her pension. If pensions have ever come up in conversation she mentions how much she regrets doing it.

Be very, very thankful you are not married already. He is essentially saying he'll marry you if you give him enough money, which is no basis for a commitment.

user1471538283 · 22/11/2022 10:36

No you will not. But what you will do is have half the joint savings. He can then go.

You know he will never marry you and that's probably for the best.

Brefugee · 22/11/2022 10:37

Don't cash in the pensions. Don't marry him at any point. Not at all. Don't do it.

If you have any combined finances get them separate.

Then leave.

Redkettle · 22/11/2022 10:38

Gah!!!!!!

KettrickenSmiled · 22/11/2022 10:38

We are not married - he says if I cash in my pensions, then he'll marry me.
😂😂😂

Ah, the romance of it!
I trust you were so overcome by his ardour that you swooned OP.

Do not cash in your pensions for ANYONE. Except yourself, perhaps, if you want to & you have explored all options thoroughly with a financial advisor.

Do NOT marry this man. He will take you for everything you have left after he's robbed your pension funds.

Do NOT accept this bullshit about "not being allowed to touch" your savings. How's he going to stop you - hold you at gunpoint? Access the account today & transfer either 50% (or the exact sum that YOU have paid in compared with his payments - assuming he's ever made any) into one of your solo accounts.

On an equally compelling point - HOW have you reached the age of 60 without understanding that your 'partner' is a conman? Or are you teasing us ..?

bluepen12 · 22/11/2022 10:38

Don't do it. You will risk being left with nothing!

Why can't you access joint savings? Can you transfer half of it into your own account?

What a lazy moron he is. Controlling and entitled. You would be better of on your own!

Goldpaw · 22/11/2022 10:38

If you have access to the joint savings and he's just saying you musn't touch them, then remove your quota and run.

CPL593H · 22/11/2022 10:41

On the off chance this can possibly be real-I'm your age. One of the very most important qualities both my late and present husbands had was being financially decent and trustworthy. I didn't have to pay them to marry me, either, which is basically what this creature wants you to do.

DominoBlue · 22/11/2022 10:41

If you cant believe what people have replied to your post then you need to speak to Women's Aid. You need a professional to explain to you why this is wrong.

He is morally bankrupt. He's offered you a deal; he will marry you for the price of your pensions. You are a cash cow to him. Nothing more. How dare he barter with you for the use of your pension.

You need to get out. How can you be happy with a man who openly admits he will ONLY marry you for your money!

Do you have any children or other family? Ask them what they think.

Do not allow him to pressure you into anything. Go and get some independent legal advice. See a solicitor on your own and tell them what he wants you to do.

Any good friend would tell you to stop being an wet blanket and look after yourself, as this man will bleed you dry and move on to the next.

Try telling him you want your share of the joint savings in your name and that you have no intention of giving him your pension and watch him move onto the next sap he can find.

Basically it all comes down to how much you want him, how little self respect you have. Are you willing to buy his "love" with your pension?

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 22/11/2022 10:44

Fuck no just no

and dump him CF cocklodger

ginghamstarfish · 22/11/2022 10:44

If I were you I would at least open a new bank account for yourself, transfer your share of the joint savings there while you contemplate your next move. Don't tell him beforehand. This would be a dealbreaker for me, and he sounds like a twat.

Bananalanacake · 22/11/2022 10:49

Don't even let him move in with you.

MingeofDeath · 22/11/2022 10:50

No way is this real. Noone could be so stupid as to do what he is suggesting,

BorsetshireBanality · 22/11/2022 10:59

He’s letting the mask slip. He’ll take your hard earned pension and keep, and if you marry him then he’ll take whatever other assets you have and have them too!

Joint savings you can’t access? Worst case scenario is that you’ve given him your savings that he’s put in an account in his name.

Wise up, this guy is a financial disaster for you. He’s shite with money, that why he wants yours to piss up the wall!

Whoopy · 22/11/2022 11:09

So, I presume you still work? Does this man want you to cash in your pensions so that he can retire, while making it so you can’t, as will have spent the money you have been saving for over 40 years?

He is dangling the carrot of saying he will marry you (have you been pushing him to marry you?) if you, quite literally, pay him to do so! Why does he think that you are desperate to marry him? You also say he won’t give you access to joint savings? Are you sure that he hasn’t spent the joint savings and that is why he now wants you to access more money for him?

Do not ever marry this man, he is a leach and wants to financially abuse you, if he hasn’t already done so! Insist on access to joint savings and then remove your share of those savings, if they are still there. You have been careful to plan for your future, he hasn’t, therefore he needs to keep working. If I was you I would run walk away from this relationship. You do not have a happy future with this man.

What’s to say this man won’t just move on, to find someone else’s whose money he can spend, once he has fleeced you of every penny you have?

OldFan · 22/11/2022 11:34

he says if I cash in my pensions, then he'll marry me

Lol no @Lizzie2006 x

Original poster
Lizzie2006 · 22/11/2022 11:39

Thank you everyone for being so honest with me. In answer to a couple of your questions, we've been together about nine years and everything was great to start with but now this ........ also, he had an op recently and is now telling me that if I don't 'get him out of his current job' (by releasing my pension money), he will end up ill again and back in hospital which will be my fault. It's relentless now, every day he brings this subject up and just won't leave it and texts me about it throughout the day - when am I going to get the money, when can he hand in his notice, I'm killing him, I'm making his life a misery by making him go to work and if I loved him, I wouldn't be doing this - I would be getting the money so he can stop work ................ We live in a private rented property and the tenancy is held in my sole name.

OP posts:
butterfliedtwo · 22/11/2022 11:41

OP, you need to end this. He's being abusive saying those things. Look after yourself.

PollyAmour · 22/11/2022 11:50

Withdraw you half of the savings and walk away from this man. He doesn't have your best interests at heart, if anything, he sees you as a lucrative source of income.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 22/11/2022 11:51

No, no and no. This man now needs to be your ex partner. How dare he demand this of you.

HowcanIhelp123 · 22/11/2022 11:52

I don't think there is enough space in the chat box for the number of red flags worthy of this cocklodging fuckery.

Lose the abusive dickhead, keep the pensions. You're his retirement plan. What are you supposed to do when you retire if you give him all your money?

You're not killing him. You're not making him ill. You are not responsible for his lifetime of poor financial choices. He's a 60 year old manchild having a tantrum he can't get his way.

Run, and when you think you've ran far enough keep on running.

Goldbar · 22/11/2022 11:57

You are not responsible for his life choices. Since he can't accept that, you need to leave.

JustLyra · 22/11/2022 11:57

Lizzie2006 · 22/11/2022 09:52

My partner wants me to cash in my pensions, so that he can stop working. He has no pension provision and I have a couple, having paid in since I started work at 16 (I'm nearly 60). We are not married - he says if I cash in my pensions, then he'll marry me. We have joint savings, but he won't let me touch them. Instead, he wants my pension money to enable him to retire, marry me .............. is that right?

What’s the deal with the savings? He won’t let you touch them - do you have access to them? Do you know how much is in there? Are they in both names or just his?

Have you contributed equally to them or are they (as I suspect) mostly your effort?

Focus on getting your share out of that and then dump his leeching arse.

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