Can we have a thread about ways in which your partner initiates sexual intercourse?

[FrannyandZooey]

Do they use certain words or phrases? Or is it more of an action thing?

and is it just mine who tries to think up comedy ones?

Dh has recently rediscovered kissing. Well actually I recently rediscovered sex so am directing things a bit more. Kissing helps.

"I'm going to make love to you tonight.."

Sadly, far too infrequently.

Does anybody's OH do the willy - windmill (we call it winky dance) to.. erm.. music? Mine er.. sings, and shakes it in time to whatever the tune is

After all this on here i cannot believe dp has just gone up for a bath, and before he left the living room he said "Im gonna shag you when i get down. Straightaway." So at least i know.

Think this is before i get chance to fall asleep/put something on the telly/go to bed early.

Been making a papier mache volcano with Ds earlier. So DH has just come up to me and said 'I can show you something else that explodes later!.
Predictable or what?

a friend of mine created a code which happened to be 'Can I use your washing machine' - one night she asked her dh if she could use his washing machine. His reply was 'nah it was only a small load, I did it by hand!'

Told to me by a male friend of the morning he was woken by a broom handle being dug painfully into his back and his wife saying 'Now you know what it feels like'

we discussed this over christmas and a friend of mine said
"oh he'll do something to help out like unload the diswasher.."
i had noticed her husband doing alot of unloading the dishwasher over christmas and actually said it to mine, "god X always seems to just naturally unload without being asked...."
so we had a good laugh, when i told her i noticedhe was a good unloader!!!!

its a now a pseudonym for us gals

Just remembered an original one -- 'Do you want some salt with that?' Whilst eating chips late one night after the cinema.

Pmsl....my DH asks ever so sweetly...how do u fancy a belly full of wrigglers.....well when you put it like that how can I resist.

My ex husband used to say things like "You're gonna get a bit tonight!", or "are you going to take a ride on my love boat?!"

He was such a charmer!

"Bend over, I think I love you......"

I've just read some of these to DH, who can't see anything wrong with them. He says you're all lucky girls and what's wrong with saying, "Fancy a fuck? No? Well, lie still while I have one, there's a good girl"

I used to know someone (not DH) who thought it the height of good manners to introduce his desire for a bj with, "Now, my dear, you're looking peaky. I think you might be in need of Dr X's Hot Sperm Garglewash".

DH has a phrase for each room / situation - all of whhich he delivers in a broad northern accent (which is the only time his accent returns);

In the kitchen - "Get yer tits aaart fer lads"

In the living room - "D'ya fancy testing springs in footstool mrs?"

If I'm in the bathroom "you mucky enough to get a shower??" "err - No" - "d'ya wanna be?"

In bed when he came home from the night shift, Shaking me vigourously and asking "You awek?"

When I am attempting to study - he drops his pants, bounces up and down whilst waving his tackle in my face and saying "bet you'd rather study me todger, eh? eh? eh?"

If he comes to bed after me, he walks in the room, locks the door, gets out the box of 'toys' and asks "you not planning on gonna sleep yet are yer?"

DH is delighted that the women of MN have taken so well to his "jack-russelling" phrase. He is beside himself with pride and thinking of more revolting phrases for you all. As long as it stops him jack-russelling me, I do't care!

Dh has just come up with a new one
"When the cricket's over I'm going to you"

and yes, it is ruder than fuck.

PMSL at this thread

especially Moomin, Joash, DrN - ooh too many to mention! Sympathise with stuffitall too - sounds like a bit of jack-russelling wouldn't go amiss there...

Scootergrrl - your DH is justly proud - will it be a new entry in the dictionary by this time next year?

Oooooh, Australia won
better brace myself

Have just read the highlights of this via The Good/Bad/Ugly (thanks MP) and laughed so much dh came to see what was so funny.
Now he's found a phrase he really likes and believes a Fred Elliot impersonation is the way to go. So thanks to AlistairSim's partner for that

Then suzy, there's the other Ozzie Male joke I know. He comes home with a bunch of flowers and she is so bowled over by this incredibly rare sign of romance, she rips her clothes off and lies across the table.
He looks at her, puzzled and says: ''Jeez Sheila, don't we have a vase....?

Also PMSL.

SOunds like my DH has been getting around a bit, or are they all the same.

Suzy, DO tell us what the word is!!!!!!!!

we call it the funky monkey

i usually say wanna get funky with the monkey

lol

what a funny thread!
we call it jiggy i think

yuk at docN garglewash ewww

my Dh gets very restless and touchy feely (can be a bit annoying when I'm trying to get dinner, kids bathed etc...) and then will say "Have we a window love"...very romantic really!!!