Can we have a thread about ways in which your partner initiates sexual intercourse?

[FrannyandZooey]

Do they use certain words or phrases? Or is it more of an action thing?

and is it just mine who tries to think up comedy ones?

oh! DH just reminded me of a couple of others...

the Ozzie foreplay (Brace yerself sheila!)

and ''d'ya fancy a hot pork sausage''

Lol at lighting the candle! Its actually quite a nice gesture, so why does it sound so funny?

Think i might try and fit a session in tonight as wehavent had it for about 5 or 6 days. Let you know if there are any developments in the initation department

i just had a text off dh who is working away

" ive got a great big hard thinking of your arse banging away"

No small talk before, no happy birthday babe. no im missing you, just a text to let me know his thinking of sex.

I shall now go back to puttin gthe kids pyjamas on!

A great big hard what though Sugar?

A hard sum?

A hard crossword puzzle....?

A great big hard.. oh, I've got it.. he might need some laxatives

Oh God...it's not just us. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this thread

Dh has several choice phrases - "you up for it tonight then?" is one. He also does the press and grind thing against my bum, especially when I bend over - cos, yes, loading your dirty boxer shorts into the washing machine really gets me in the mood. He also does neck nuzzling when I'm chopping, say, raw chicken...why? Why would handling slimey, uncooked chicken get me in the mood?

"You're gagging for it..." is another one (you can guarantee if he says this, I am not)

I think the one he uses the most is, whenever I say "I have a headache/sore arm/backache/cold/food poisoning/strep throat/full blown case of Ebola virus" he will leer in what I fear he thinks is a winning manner and say "I know a cure for that..."

Someone in our marriage once (ok, recently ) sent a text saying 'Drunk. Want shag.'

It was not well received, apparently.

"Can we? I promise I'll roll you back into the sleeping position afterwards!"

Oh, how I laugh!

Wilkie, you're just showing off now.

I once sent a text to dh when I was on a night out "home in 20. wet & horny"

His name begins with G... his dad's nickname begins with H.. yeah you can guess what happend when a drunk woman tries to send a text........

His dad replied "Thanks, but G & B (MIL)might be cross"

ROFL FF.
Am cringing on your behalf!

ff sorry meant to say hard on

lol @ drunken text.

I'm going to have to tell DH he needs some more original ideas as he does most of these things.
We have :
The Willy Windmill
The De-fuzzing

Sometimes I go into the en-suite and find my 'special undies' hanging from the cabinet . I tend to sleep with my back to him and he saddles up behind me and tucks his willy in-between my legs and tells me some shocking story about how 'percy' (He is going to kill me if he reads this ) needs some tlc

I have cried with laughter at this. Thank you for cheering me up!

My DH says nothing usually. Just prods me in the back, licks his fingers for lubrication. He thinks 2 seconds of his wet fingers poking me will suffice as foreplay.

That is of course if it is Saturday night. My DH likes his routine. After 13 years, I DON'T !!!!!!!!!!!

I do get the 'perfect cure' thing when I have a cold or migraine.

At the moment it seems it's me that's CONSTANTLY thinking about sex and DH is too tired.
He suggested last night that he buy me a vibrator. That was after I tried to tempt him into a bit of midweek action. All that resulted was him being rather pleased with my oral offerings, which finished off quicker than planned. He muttered "you didn't swallow it did you?" and "I'll by you a vibrator is you're that bothered" then promptly fell asleep.

So quite frankly I am gagging for it!!!

Emailed him at work with the name and cost of the vibrator I want. (don't really but thought it might make him think about making more of an effort.)

LOL at the text thing .

Makes me wonder what my FIL would do. Won't be testing it out though...

No, My FIL is cool When I was dating dh I stayed over one night. His mum & dad were already in bed downstairs as it was about 2am when we fell in drunk.. next day FIL was at lunch when we came downstairs.. he handed dh a bath sponge & said "Tape this to the back of your headboard next time" ROFL Well... I can now, but not at the time!!

Stripping is v popular in my house

"He muttered "you didn't swallow it did you?" and "I'll by you a vibrator is you're that bothered" then promptly fell asleep" If my DP said that to me, i could be tempted to regurgitate it all over him, else give him a big long frenchie and say, mmmmmm what do you think darling!

I also get, you up for it tonight babe? I send him loads of filthy texts hoping it will get him in the mood - i think he has an auto reply - "sounds good", or "thats a date2 NO IMAGINATION!

I have said to him, you should kiss me, you would be surprised at what reaction you get - so i get a peck on the cheek. What is it with men and kissing, i mean, don't they want hot rampant passionate sex, which is what they would get if they took a bit of sodding time and thought! You know, kissing, stroking, that sort of thing - perhaps they are quite happy with a perfucntionary (is that the right word) shag thats over in two minutes. Oh hang on, thats man heaven!!!

DH bought me a vibrator once, then it strangely went missing. I think he got an inferiority complex.

My friend's DH is called George and he says "you need some of George's Marvellous Medicine"

Lucyellensmum, you're right about the passion. I crave a bit of passion not a bit of a prod !

I won't be making that effort again for a while I can tell you .

DH was a bit miffed that I wanted to take him up on the vibrator. I shall ask him when he gets home, if he's going to order one or should I.

Stripping sounds interesting. Never tried that. But then that would involve a bit of effort on his part .

LOL at Georges Marvellous Medicine. That is quite good.

DH has said in the distant past "Does Hilda need some attention?"

WTF ?????? Who decided my intimate parts were called Hilda??????

Well here's what happens in our house

I have loved this thread!!

In bed dp usually says "Are you up for it?" or "Fancy a bit of action?" after snogging me for a few minutes.

In the daytime he's a bit of a Jack Russeller or gets me to give dd horsey rides so that he can watch my arse wiggles as I crawl about the floor.

If it's daytime and dd is not around then my line is "Do you fancy a lie down?".

Oh this thread has cheered me up no end!!

I once got asked by DH if I wanted to play carnival - I could sit on his face and he'd guess my weight

Made me laugh anyway!